Janet, wife, captured in radiant afterglow: “Why on earth would you say such a thing?”
Humberto, current but tentative husband, not captured because he was in the throes of a Bad Hair Day, that wretched beast: “I say such a thing because your glow speaks of life-changing sexual gratification.”
Janet: “Of course it does. I just had the most amazing tryst of my life. The earth moved under my rapturously-elevated feet.”
Humberto: “How can this be? I was not even in the room.”
Janet: “Exactly. Perhaps it’s time that we review the clause in our marital contract wherein I am allowed to terminate our matrimonial lark with just cause.”
Humberto: “But what cause is that? I only stepped out of the room to see who was ringing the doorbell with such insistence. Granted, once I let the plumber in who was here to fix your malfunctioning bidet, I perhaps should have returned immediately. But I felt compelled to wander into the kitchen and make a nice frittata. The chorizo we bought at the Farmer’s Market was about to turn and I simply couldn’t let that happen.”
Janet: “But what did happen is that the plumber knocked on the bedroom door and asked if I was decent. I wasn’t. And I continued to not be once he entered the room, waving about his pipe wrench and glistening in the sun from the bay window. He never made it to the bathroom.”
Humberto: “I still don’t understand.”
Janet: “Let me put it this way. The chorizo isn’t the only thing that has turned in this house. I now have a different vision. And part of that vision involves you leaving this house immediately. Of course, feel free to leave your forwarding address on one of the recipe cards in the kitchen, a room that clearly infatuates you more than me.”
Humberto: “So you don’t want my frittata?”
Janet: “Just leave it on the nightstand. I’m sure Plumber Man would appreciate some protein before our next roundelay, once he gets out of the shower. It’s still early in the day and I’m far from being cured of my indecency.”
Originally posted in “Crusty Pie” on 09/08/17. No changes made. This is the start of me moving over all the relevant posts on Crusty Pie that haven’t yet appeared on Bonnywood, which also means the start of some annoyance for folks who (relatively) just perused this post on Crusty. Please bear with me. We’ll get through this together.
Categories: Past Imperfect
Bonnywood Manor 
I’d rather have the frittata maker.
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It would be very hard for me to make a decision in this case. Oh, who am I kidding. Somebody fix me a plate…
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Was he called Hump for short? Did he exude a tangerine glow? Did his tie dangle over his dangle? Did his hair leave the room in search of the delicious frittata? Was he accompanied by his pet microwave? Was there uncontrollable giggling and a refusal to remove his socks?
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To continue after an accidental send …
… there’s just no accounting for taste, I guess. One person’s garbage is another person’s treasure.
😉
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Stormy Daniels, walking into the room unannounced, which was rather unusual for a porn star who is often quite vocal about her comings: “There you are, Humberto. I got bored waiting for you to return to the guesthouse. Come back and finish what you started. I have to be on the set in a few hours.”
Janet, eyes wide: “What on earth does this mean?”
Humberto: “It means that there never really was a frittata. So your little boyfriend will have to get his protein from somewhere else. Just like me. Have a good day.”
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What is it about plumbers that are so sexy? The beasts! 😉
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It must be all that potential wetness… 😉
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Ha! That must be it!!
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You just killed me with this I can’t stop laughing……it reminded me of something i volving a plumber a know,but not me don’t worry😂😂😂😂😂
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Well, if one has to be killed by something, I would think that laughter is one of the better options… 😉
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I couldn’t agree more😃😃😃😃
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Go Janet – keeps the plumber and the frittata …. I’m impressed 😉
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Girl has her priorities in order, mmm hmm…
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Oh, I never want to be cured of my indecency.
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I completely agree. Without my indecency, I’m really not all that interesting… 😉
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A man who cooks….*sigh* Although, apparently, he let his celery get limp, which is never a good thing. Limp celery has led to a lot of martial troubles, including randy plumbers and the postman who won’t stop knocking…
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At the end of the day, I’d much rather have a nice, home-cooked meal than a crisp celery stick. Unless the postman is really, really cute…
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Once again, a woman choosing a temporary fling over a frittata maker. So sad…
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Janet clearly read the wrong books as a child…
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We’ve al been there and made the wrong choice – NEVER leave the foodmaker!
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Some people just have to learn the hard way…
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And as a wonderful side note Janet discovered a creative way to mitigate the exorbitant costs of home repairs. Can’t wait to find out what happens when the roof starts to leak.
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The roofers are scheduled for tomorrow afternoon. Janet likes to keep busy…
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Idle Janet is the Devil’s workshop
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And there’s apparently a lot of hammering in that workshop…
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Another plumber? Mmmmm. Some recurring themes in your works 😉
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Hmm. Perhaps I need to sit down and think about this… 😉
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