15 Places Where You Can Hide an Easter Egg and a Tea Party Member Will Never Find It

Quick Note for those who are not quite familiar with American politics: The Tea Party is an extremely conservative, far-right subset of the Republican party, a contingent that formed as a response to their absolute horror that a black man had been elected president.

1. In the Bible. (Well, at least in any part that talks about love, compassion or helping your fellow man. Stay away from that Old Testament mess. The tea-baggers love them some angry fire and brimstone.)

2. At a Gay Pride parade. (Unless there happens to be a handy closet nearby. You toss an egg up in that grill and someone in the crowd of hypocritical, self-denying Republicans will eventually trip over it.)

3. At a Planned Parenthood location. (Obviously, these folks are not going to cross the threshold of a place where they believe Satan, Oprah and Hillary Clinton are forcing reluctant women to have an abortion every week. But they are perfectly happy to stand across the street and threaten to kill the doctors and staff people. Pro-life, my ass.)

4. A bookstore that offers selections other than pornography. (They clearly don’t know how to read anything other than NRA leaflets or Ku Klux Klan welcome brochures, so you’ll never see them in a Barnes & Noble.)

5. At a spelling bee. (You’ve seen some of their idiotic posters, right? Those signs look like somebody knocked over a bowl of alphabet soup while running to his gun rack.)

6. At a pro-equality rally. Any kind of equality. The mere concept of treating all humans with respect causes a Tea Bagger to completely lose his or her mind in a paroxysm of rage. As if they had a mind to lose in the first place.

7. At an institution of higher learning. (You might want to avoid the vocational-technical schools, because tea-baggers do manage to get into those every once in a while, at least until they get pregnant, get someone else pregnant, or deer season starts.)

8. At the taping of any show appearing on PBS. (A tea-bee is not going to have anything to do with a network that sometimes airs programs that treat Evolution as if it might be a real thing. Because we all know that Jesus buried those fake dinosaur bones in the ground just to test the faithful.)

9. At a Parent Teacher Association meeting. (The tea-bees hate teachers for several reasons: They are part of evil unions that practice satanic rituals. They dare trying to convince a child to use his brain. And they have the nerve to use textbooks that have not been heavily censored by Texas priests before said priests were transferred to another parish to avoid child-molestation charges.)

10. At the National Archives in Washington, DC. (Which is where they keep the Constitution. And the Bill of Rights, two documents that the baggers have clearly never finished reading. They only know the bits that their zookeepers have copied out, using a special crayon, and handed to them as they shuffled towards the latest tractor-pull competition.)

11. In a foreign country. (If a Tea Partier actually traveled abroad, they might be confronted with the fact that people are basically people, everywhere. And that just won’t do, because the whole foundation of the Tea Party is that certain belligerently ignorant white Americans consider themselves better than everyone else. You take that keystone out of the foundation and they’ll have to come up with another reason to hate people they don’t understand, and who has time for that when there are misspelled signs to be made and mosque-buildings to protest?)

12. In a dental clinic. (You take the video from any Tea Party rally, pause it at any point, and you can easily find five people that don’t have a full set of teeth between them. Granted, anybody can have dental issues. But this many in one place? Somebody rang a cowbell and the hillbillies came a runnin’, not thinking to stop and put their good teeth in for the TV cameras.)

13. Wrapped up in a certain President’s official American birth certificate. (They don’t believe it exists, so they’ll never think to look there.)

14. Next to the definition of “socialism” in the dictionary. (It cracks me up when I drive past one of those “No Socialism!” signs in somebody’s yard. You obviously don’t know what that word means in context with this country, which has essentially been socialist since Benjamin Franklin flew a kite and the first tax dollars were spent on public works. And by the way, you really need to trim back that self-weeping willow tree in your self-centered yard. Your dumb-ass looks really big in those pants.)

15. At the recent “March for Our Lives” events held across the country this past weekend. (The only things a Tea Partier loves more than himself are his access to automatic weapons and his socialist monthly Social Security check.) All sarcasm and humor aside, the recent passion and dedication and humanity of young activists across the nation has given this older activist a renewed sense of hope that we can stop the madness of a morally-corrupt major political party that willfully slept with the Tea Party and begat our current asshole of a president.

I can’t wait for these young people to get their chance in the voting booth. Oh, happy day.

Peace in.


Originally posted in “The Sound and the Fury” on 04/06/12. Some changes made to incorporate newer developments, but the sad song remains the same. Some people are so miserable in their own lives that they cannot tolerate other people being happy.

For those who might be interested, please read These Magic Kids, a wonderfully-perceptive reflection on youth in America, a link shared earlier today by the equally-perceptive G at Bone&Silver. We will all get through this mess, eventually.


29 replies »

  1. You know, one day we will thank the wig-wearing aberration presently incumbent in The Whitehouse. We will thank him because he has so much to ignite the necessary revolution that is gathering pace and now, crucially, has the voice and spirits of the young on board and engaged. It takes time to push that snow up the hill, time, patience and strength but mark my words when that great ball starts rolling down the other side there will be no stopping it. And I think that moment is closer than we imagined. Thank you for pointing me to that absolutely bluddy brilliant piece ‘These Magic Kids’ – they are magic, they have special powers, powers that have been imbued since birth because of the mess we have forced them to live in and they will use those powers, I am certain of it. They will overcome. And I’ll be right there as long as I draw breath giving them all the support I can, happy for once to be led.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Your words are sage, once again. Trump is so detestable that eventually the pendulum will swing toward justice and decency. And I do have great hope, as society always bends toward progress at some point. At the same time, it greatly disheartens me that so many people in America consider Trump a modern-day messiah, worshipping in the tainted glow of his acrid hate. Even if we get Trump out of the picture, which is going to be tough considering how the Republicans have abused their power and gerrymandered voting districts across the nation, we still have that sizable baseline of ignorance and inhumanity. THAT’s the real issue, not the Wigged One who is taking advantage of it…

      Liked by 1 person

      • Which seemed to state that the Democrats that might succeed in the mid-terms are also largely what I would call right-wing and hardly enlightened. But fear not, Brian – help is on the way …. guess whose coming to dinner and she has a big fat mouth (though now vote) and is willing to shout loud and clear once she lands in the New world once more …. ssshhhh 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I wonder what kind of God these evangelical non-Christian Christians worship. I’m pretty sure it’s not a real God, unless it’s very very angry. This post is brilliant – captures that group very well.

    Liked by 4 people

  3. I agree with Carol.

    In Ontario one of the major provincial parties has elected as its leader a Trump-like character. There is now a cross-political organisation called “Not Doug” to ensure he’s not elected as premier. Their poster boy for his egregious behaviour is, of course, that hairy orange buffoon you’re stuck with down there.

    And those tea bags? They would probably think the Easter egg is a small incendiary device, shoot it, and then try to get a presidential commendation (for bravery) after being struck by a shell fragment.

    Liked by 3 people

    • It’s just amazing, isn’t it? How is it that some people have absolutely no decency about them, choosing as their leader the very antithesis of humanity and moral integrity? I don’t get it. Then again, I have a conscience…

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Educational. Um. Very. You can blame my lack of verbosity on the fact that politics makes me literally sick…I just dodged a shingles bullet the last time I read or heard anything about any of the mess, and nobody in their right mind wants shingles. ‘Cept maybe the Marquis de Sade or that orange horror in office. And yes. I realize I’m part of the problem, but I DID vote. For all the %$@# good it did..

    Liked by 4 people

    • I don’t think you’re a part of the problem at all. You have warmth and dignity and an acceptance that we all follow different paths, paths that might not be your own cup of tea but fully understanding that everyone should be able to order what they want at Starbucks and drink it in the way they see fit…


  5. HAR! No sooner had I read your title than I hollered “Bookstore! Library!” into the room, startling poor daughter in the kitchen. Now she’s mad at me – less because of the spilled cereals, more because she took my exclamation as a declaration of intent.

    And lo and behold, there it was at #4!

    Thank you for that awesome link, too! 💖

    Liked by 3 people

  6. There are several graphic, tasteless responses to this. How did Hollywood miss the list? Sandra Bullock is set to play Wendy Davis. Hide all the Easter eggs you want under that trailer. However, do not mistake that trailer for Roseanne’s.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Graphic and tasteless? I didn’t see any of that. What I did see are honest reactions to a political environment fomented by ignorant twits with no sense of decency or morality. As for Roseanne, her transphobic, racist, anti-Semitic, un-American tweets can kiss my liberal ass…

      Liked by 2 people

      • Touchy little fella — since you missed it completely the graphic and tasteless responses were relevant to where you could hide an Easter egg and a TP wouldn’t find it. You’ve gone reactionary enough to be the poster boy for either face of factionalism. But I wouldn’t hide one under her trailer either. That liberal ass thing, though? There’s a great place for one of those eggs. 🙂 Don’t get up, you’re busy scheduling reruns. I can find the door.


  7. Hoot! You’re all cordially invited to visit my web site (which is a Tea Party–but not Republican). Sometimes I post things about fiscal conservatism and showing respect for others and their choices. Mostly I post about old books that I resell. Sometimes I post about things I’ve learned by being a rich man’s penniless widow–and I do mean penniless–the idea of anyone living <US$2K/year makes some people very uncomfortable. Lately I've posted a lot about glyphosate poisoning, because I happen to be extra-vulnerable. I also post jokes, song lyrics, recipes, research articles, and recipes.

    Liked by 1 person

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