Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #114

Claudia was very impressed with her image in the antique mirror, as were the 13 Cuban refugees hidden under her dress and waiting for the signal that they had reached the American shore.

Cleopatra the Cat, wandering up as I type. “That’s an extremely insensitive thing to write and you need to delete it immediately.”

Me: “What’s with the cats in this house constantly interrupting my writing?”

Cleo: “That’s an outrageous lie and you know it. At least as it pertains to me. Perhaps you’re referring to that insipid brother of the mine, Scotch the Brat, who can’t go five minutes without whoring himself for attention. I, for one, keep my business to myself, as any proper lady should do.”

Me: “Fair enough. You do seem to keep your distance, all the way back to your first day in this house. You walked in the door and immediately dismissed the proffered cat bed for not having a high-enough thread count.”

Cleo: “It was an outrage! I’m not going to sleep on anything like that.”

Me: “But you were a rescue kitty. Before Other Daddy came along, you were sleeping on the mean streets of Odessa, Texas. That couldn’t have been any fun.”

Cleo: “At least then I had control of my food supply. In this low-thread dump I have to put up with your demeaning food schedule, as if I don’t know how and when to feed myself.”

Me: “But you don’t know how to control yourself. Like the vet said, left to your own devices you would be the size of a Buick. We couldn’t afford the cost of the crane it would take to move you from room to room.”

Cleo: “Do not speak of the wretched Vet Man. He violated me in unspeakable ways.”

Me, sighing: “He’s never done anything to you that he hasn’t done to your brother Scotch.”

Cleo: “I beg to differ. He took away my hoo-hoo!”

Me: “Well, he didn’t really take it away. It was more of a restructuring of the circuit board. He did the same to your brother.”

Cleo: “Stop comparing me to my insipid and clueless sibling. I have nothing in common with that little pestilence, and I have no desire to be like him, featured all the time in your little stories on your trashy vanity experiment known as Bonnywood Minor.”

Me: “Duly noted. I will not mention you again. Now run reclaim your throne in whatever country it is that you think you live in.” I turn back to my laptop.

Cleo does not turn. Or move in any way, sitting there in that clearly-annoyed feline manner where one doesn’t have a clue concerning the source of the annoyance.

Me: “Was there something else?”

Cleo: “I want to be in more of your stories.”

Me: “But you just said…”

Cleo: “Oh, don’t be so ignorant. I’m a cat. I can change my mind about anything at any minute. For at least the next thirty seconds, I’m very invested in having my life chronicled in your trashy rag of a blog.”

Me: “You’re not really selling me on the idea, what with the trashy angle.”

Cleo: “I don’t have to sell myself. I have many royal thoughts to share, and people will pay good money to hear what I have to say.”

Me: “Money? I don’t make any money on this blog.”

Cleo: “You don’t? Then why the hell do you spend so much time on it?”

Me: “Because I like the interaction and meeting other writers and-”

Cleo, paw in the air. “Just stop. I’ve already lost interest and your pathetic reality is sad in so many ways. I’ll just have to consider other revenue streams for my retirement. And now I’m off to find the least offensive cat bed out of the 46 you have shoved at me over the years. I’ll just make the best of this mess as I can. We’re done here.”

She finally turns, trots up the stairs out of the sanctum wherein I compose my madness, strolls through the adjoining den, hisses at her brother who has been surreptitiously hiding in said den until things settle down, and then she disappears down a hallway.

Scotch looks at me, shrugging his shoulders.

I shrug back, then I refocus on my laptop, opening a new document.

Claudia was very impressed with her image in the antique mirror, but not nearly as much as the cat behind her who owned 46 beds and still wanted more…


Commentary déjà vu: Previously posted in “Crusty Pie” on 03/31/15. Considerable changes made, as the original version only consisted of the first paragraph, one that now seems mundane and incomplete. Sometimes you have to double-dip with the cat references, just to make sure you mined all veins…


29 replies »

  1. Cleo, paw in the air, “Just stop…” — I predict the image of this will stay with me for a long time, and each time I think of it I will giggle anew.
    Cleo has an attitude befitting her name and her feline heritage. You should be proud.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Tell me, is Cleo perhaps Siamese? Or Burmese? Or Angora…oh poo. There’s far too many disdainful kitties in the world, can’t keep track of all the breeds.. As for Claudia, well the 13 refugees under her skirts explains why she appears to be in mid-tip or TRIP perhaps.. And the lighting in that picture is uber creepy…did she perchance stumble upon the mirror (dust free, although the place setting appears to have been unoccupied for some time..I mean who doesn’t have furniture?) after scurrying to find her unwanted appendages a home? At least they had a light source, even if it was a left over spot from some forgotten film..

    Liked by 1 person

    • This really is a creepy photo, the more you study it. Exactly what happened when, where and why? I have an underlying sense that ill-advised drinking was involved in some way, along with bad decisions at inopportune times. Wait. Is that ME in the photo?… 😉


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