Butler: “Madame, will you be requiring any more of my services this evening?”

Greta: “Really, Mauritz? Does it look like I’m satisfied with how this night has been going?”

Butler/Mauritz: “Well, you do seem a bit ‘Jerry Springer’. How may I assist?”

Greta: “Let’s start with this unlit candle. Why is it not bathing me in a glow of angelic beauty?”

Mauritz: “I shall attend to that immediately, and fire the Candle-Maintenance Wench.”

Greta: “And this empty bottle of perfume? How am I to anoint myself with erotic aromas that will drive men wild? I am dissatisfied when suitors do not succumb to my wafting essence.”

Mauritz: “Duly noted. The Scent Wench will be dismissed as well, thrown into the street so that she may wallow in the ineptitude of her failures.”

Greta: “Good answers so far, Mauritz, and I applaud your willingness to destroy the lives of others on the slim chance that I may keep you employed for another day. But there is one final question.”

Mauritz: “I cannot begin to tell you how much I relish the next query.”

Greta: “What the hell happened to my hair?”

Mauritz: “But Madame, you demanded that I never speak of that incident again.”

Greta: “Incident? My life is one wretched incident after another. Of which incident do you speak?”

Mauritz: “The one where your hair ended up looking like that.”

Greta: “Are you being intentionally obtuse? You know I find it annoying when servants defy me.”

Mauritz: “Quite the contrary, Madame. I know that defiance makes your tingly parts resonate.”

Greta, squirming a bit: “How dare you say such a thing! Do it again.”

Mauritz, slipping out of his butler jacket: “You have been very naughty, treating your servants like beastly animals with base desires and forbidden needs.”

Greta, unbuttoning her blouse: “What are you saying? That I need to be taught a lesson? But who is left on my quickly-dwindling staff that can make me pay for my sins?”

Mauritz, hurling aside his cufflinks in a dominant manner: “There’s at least one beastly animal around here that’s still getting a paycheck.”

Greta, leaping up and racing toward Mauritz: “Take me! Take me now, you swarthy underling.”

Mauritz, holding up a hand: “Before the lesson begins, there is one thing we must discuss.”

Greta: “Fine, I’ll give you a raise, whatever it takes. My candle needs to be snuffed!”

Mauritz: “This is a repeat of the very incident you forbade me to discuss. Are you sure your hair can take another round of primal rutting? It looks a bit worse for the wear. And since you’ve already had me fire the Hair-Straightening Wench, there’s no one on standby who can tame that mess before your meeting in the morning.”

Greta, pausing: “Oh, that’s a good point. It wouldn’t do for me to show up at the Puritan Matriarchs of Berlin Breakfast looking like I was plundered in a barn. Perhaps we can try this again tomorrow night?”

Mauritz: “Excellent idea, Madame. I’ll add an appointment to the calendar on my cellphone. Have a good evening.”

Greta: “Oh, wait. Before you retire, could you have someone send up some fresh batteries?”

Mauritz: “But you had me fire the Appliance-Maintenance Wench last Tuesday when things stopped vibrating at a very inopportune time.”

Greta: “Now is not the time to be defiant, Mauritz. The rutting may not be an option at this point, but I still need to take the edge off before I face the Puritans in the morning. Just take care of it.”

Mauritz: “Will do. Night, Nasty.”

Greta: “Night, Beastly.”

Originally posted in “Crusty Pie” on 08/06/15 and “Bonnywood Manor” on 12/15/15. Considerable changes made, including an extended ending. And yes, I realize that some of you are anxiously awaiting the rest of the 3-Word Challenge entries, but I’m not yet satisfied with the work-in-progress intros for the remaining pieces, and I had to dip into the archives and focus on something else for a bit.