Jane: “I feel compelled to report an issue with my accommodations.”
Hairaldo: “You look like you are compelled about a lot of things. And why is your dress stapled to your bosom?”
Jane: “That’s not important. I didn’t sleep well at all last night.”
Hairaldo: “Did you remember to take the hat off?”
Jane: “Of course I did. It had in its own bed, that’s why I requested a double room. And neither of us were able to sleep a wink because of all the shenanigans at the swimming pool.”
Hairaldo: “We don’t have a swimming pool.”
Jane: “Then what is that outside my window, with the people lying on cots and making such a racket?”
Hairaldo: “That’s an opium den. Would you like me to arrange for reservations? Just the one? Or will the hat be joining you?”
Jane: “I really don’t appreciate your tone.”
Hairaldo: “And I really don’t appreciate your ugly clutch. Or your purse.”
Jane: “I’ve had quite enough. I demand to speak to the manager.”
Hairaldo: “You’re already doing that.”
Jane: “Then I have no choice but to take my business elsewhere. Please arrange for a cab whilst I retrieve my luggage and prepare to flee this dump.”
Hairaldo: “Before I make any phone calls, I’ll need you to settle your bill.”
Jane: “Perhaps you should check your records, assuming you have any. I pre-paid for this poor decision weeks ago.”
Hairaldo: “For the room, yes, but there’s the matter of charges to the room.”
Jane: “That’s ridiculous. I’ve done nothing to incur additional charges. I took one look at the room-service menu and hurled it to the floor, aghast.”
Hairaldo: “And apparently your hat picked it up. It seems he’s rather enamored of the menu, having ordered from it so many times that we had to re-stock the kitchen. He’s had himself dry-cleaned three times, he’s been to the spa twice, and he took a helicopter tour of the ruins at Oingo Boingo. And the adult movies he ordered on pay-per-view are quite eye-opening. Girl, you’ve got a twisted little hat on your head.”
Jane, sighing: “Fine. Please print out an itemized receipt and I’ll settle the account.”
Hairaldo: “That might take some time, and the big number at the end might require therapy on your part. Are you quite sure that you don’t want to take advantage of the opium den next door before we proceed? After all, it won’t cost you anything. Your hat bought a lifetime membership.”
Originally posted in “Crusty Pie” on 04/13/15 and “Bonnywood Manor” on 03/16/16. Considerably extended with this version, deepening the sins of the accessories. And yes, I am shamelessly shoving in this placeholder post while I tinker with the intro for the final (so far) entry in the 3-Word Challenge.
Categories: Past Imperfect
Bonnywood Manor 
My hats are always doing things like this.
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It’s SO annoying when your couture rises up and piddles with your finances…
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Tell me about it. Those hats have expensive taste.
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Summer time I always use big hat ….do u think the biggest the boldiest?now I’m thinking to wear it only in my own garðen where he can do things for free😱👒
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Oh, I would think that you can sport a hat quite well in any circumstance, but you always have to keep an eye on your credit card bill to make sure there aren’t any surprising charges…
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And now I will😱
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Poor John has a Panama hat that can’t be trusted.
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Someone was saying that exact same thing to me the other day…
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It really is a horrid hat.
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It’s just so… obtrusive…
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That is one bad hat.
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On the other hand, a family of four could easily take shelter under it should inclement weather arise…
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An excellent reason I never wear hats. Not becoming at all, even if melanoma IS a family activity..
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Yeah, I know all about that “protect your skin from the elements” angle, mmm hmm…
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Perhaps that should have read “Excellent reasonS…” there are a multitude of sins that horrid hat (and yes it is ugly) perpetrated on Jane. I wonder if she blames the hat for her, er, episodes of gastronomic ‘fluffs’ (okay it’s really farts, but no lady farts..) and the hat is merely getting his own back?
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I would imagine that Jane places a lot of blame on all the wrong orifices…
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That is a great hat. lol Great write.
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It’s sexy but intimidating, yes?
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Yes it is
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I love the hat. Maybe Hairaldo could get one.
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Something tells me that Hairaldo has worn a hat or two in his day…
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That’s a really had bat. And so is Hairaldo. 😉
I had a great laugh – thank you. 😀
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There’s just general badness all around at this hotel… 😉
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Enough about the hat, I happen to know the bag she is clutching is called a Pillow Pack, named such because of its notorious habit of getting laid in shady places.
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Wait, is it really called a “Pillow Pack”? Because that’s a phrase that I can contort immensely, especially with shade…
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That is one bad hat. In more ways than one.
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This is why some children can’t sleep at night…
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This has zoomed right up the charts, one of my favourites thus far 😉
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Hurray! It’s nice to know that I still have some zoom left in me… 😉
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