Monty: “You were working as a waitress at a cocktail bar, when I met you.”
Donna: “But even then I knew I’d find a much better place, either with or without you.”
Rewind, Take Two.
Donna: “Whatever you do, don’t go near the roasted pig.”
Monty: “So you’ve met my father?”
Rewind, Take Three.
Donna: “Darling, you know I don’t really care for you inviting all of your poker buddies over on a Friday night.”
Monty: “How is that different from you inviting all those tight-assed women over for your book club?”
Donna: “Because they don’t drink all the beer and leave the toilet seat up.”
Monty: “Oh, come on. Boys will be boys.”
Donna: “And divorce lawyers will be divorce lawyers. So if you don’t want to meet mine, I suggest you go to Plan B.”
Rewind, Take Four.
Donna: “Where have you been? We sacrificed the goat an hour ago.”
Rewind, Take Five.
Melania: “Have you been out grabbing things again?”
Trump: “I have never grabbed anything in my entire life.”
Melania: “But you smell like Stormy Daniels.”
Trump: “I did not have sex with that tramp. And I will fire anybody who can prove it.”
Melania: “Oh, please. We all know you’re not happy unless you’re screwing somebody.”
Rewind, Take Six.
Donna: “I’m sorry, that’s not the right password and I can’t let you in.”
Monty: “Password? There wasn’t a password last night.”
Donna: “Well, those dumbass American tariffs kicked in at midnight and you can no longer afford to drink here.”
Rewind, Take Seven.
Donna: “Do you want the red pill or the blue pill?”
Monty: “I want the pill where I’m not considered a failure if I don’t get the obscure movie references at Bonnywood Manor.”
Rewind, Take Eight.
Donna: “When I was a little girl, I dreamt that I would grow up and find a man just like you who would buy me nice things and make me very happy.”
Monty: “I had the same dream!”
Donna: “Did she look like me?”
Monty: “No, he looked like Ricardo Montalbán and he welcomed me to Fantasy Island. In more ways than one. I still get moist every time an Expedia ad pops up in my browser.”
Original take posted in “Crusty Pie” on 04/05/15. Obviously, considerable changes made for this version as I tinkered with things far too much. Perhaps one day I will have more focus in my life. Or maybe not…
Donna: “I always thought Ricardo was kind of hot.”
Monty: “Girl, you have no idea.”
Donna: “So… are things bigger in the tropics?”
Monty: “Yep. Well, except for that little guy that kept running around and hollering about a plane…”
Categories: Past Imperfect