Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #125 (Variations on a Theme)

Original Take.

Monty: “You were working as a waitress at a cocktail bar, when I met you.”

Donna: “But even then I knew I’d find a much better place, either with or without you.”


Rewind, Take Two.

Donna: “Whatever you do, don’t go near the roasted pig.”

Monty: “So you’ve met my father?”


Rewind, Take Three.

Donna: “Darling, you know I don’t really care for you inviting all of your poker buddies over on a Friday night.”

Monty: “How is that different from you inviting all those tight-assed women over for your book club?”

Donna: “Because they don’t drink all the beer and leave the toilet seat up.”

Monty: “Oh, come on. Boys will be boys.”

Donna: “And divorce lawyers will be divorce lawyers. So if you don’t want to meet mine, I suggest you go to Plan B.”


Rewind, Take Four.

Donna: “Where have you been? We sacrificed the goat an hour ago.”


Rewind, Take Five.

Melania: “Have you been out grabbing things again?”

Trump: “I have never grabbed anything in my entire life.”

Melania: “But you smell like Stormy Daniels.”

Trump: “I did not have sex with that tramp. And I will fire anybody who can prove it.”

Melania: “Oh, please. We all know you’re not happy unless you’re screwing somebody.”


Rewind, Take Six.

Donna: “I’m sorry, that’s not the right password and I can’t let you in.”

Monty: “Password? There wasn’t a password last night.”

Donna: “Well, those dumbass American tariffs kicked in at midnight and you can no longer afford to drink here.”


Rewind, Take Seven.

Donna: “Do you want the red pill or the blue pill?”

Monty: “I want the pill where I’m not considered a failure if I don’t get the obscure movie references at Bonnywood Manor.”


Rewind, Take Eight.

Donna: “When I was a little girl, I dreamt that I would grow up and find a man just like you who would buy me nice things and make me very happy.”

Monty: “I had the same dream!”

Donna: “Did she look like me?”

Monty: “No, he looked like Ricardo Montalbán and he welcomed me to Fantasy Island. In more ways than one. I still get moist every time an Expedia ad pops up in my browser.”


Original take posted in “Crusty Pie” on 04/05/15. Obviously, considerable changes made for this version as I tinkered with things far too much. Perhaps one day I will have more focus in my life. Or maybe not…


Donna: “I always thought Ricardo was kind of hot.”

Monty: “Girl, you have no idea.”

Donna: “So… are things bigger in the tropics?”

Monty: “Yep. Well, except for that little guy that kept running around and hollering about a plane…”


22 replies »

  1. Poor Donna, she makes the effort to get all dressed up, yet Monty (and seemingly all the other men at the party) can just come in dressed like he is heading for the beach!

    Ricardo was one fine man. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Take Whatever the hell number is next:

    Monte: I say! Didn’t you get the memo that this was a beach party? Haute couteur is so last decade..
    Donna: What? Have you been reading the dictionary again? I told you not to do that. It only confuses people because you don’t look like the sort of guy who could spell ‘halter top’.
    Monte: I should be offended. Shouldn’t I?
    Donna: Point made.
    Monte: Huh?
    Donna: I dressed this way because I’m apparently the only woman here. Thought I’d spend some time fishing in the marriage pond. A girl (snort from Monte at the ‘girl’ reference) really must gild the lily. Those waitress roots are a bitch to shake off. Even after five years..”
    Monte: Uh, honey? You don’t have the right bait. Wake up and smell the testosterone…
    Donna: You mean?? *gasp* Oh my gawd. How gauche!”
    Monte: Yes I mean. I think the word you were grasping for was ‘gaucho”. You really do need to start reading your emails in a timely manner. This is a hoe down sans hoes. Men ONLY sweetie. And I’m the one that supposed to be a bit light on the brain cells. Sheesh.. *eye roll*

    Background music is, of course, “Don’t You Want Me?” Human League

    Me: Ugh. My bit started out funny and lost it’s way. For some reason the follow link was broken betwixt you and I, if you took me off the list, I’ll understand

    Liked by 1 person

    • I SO miss your humor.

      But no, I didn’t take you off the list, at least not intentionally. (WordPress, as we both know, is guilty of some behind-the-scenes nefariousness.) I did notice that I hadn’t heard from you in a while, and I wasn’t sure what might be going on, but I’ve been on this platform long enough to know that sometimes even really good digital friends can drift apart through no real fault of either party. Still, I thought I might have offended you in some way.

      In fact, I realized your absence might be more than just a temporary glitch right after I made this post:

      In that one, I talked about finally posting “Bonnywood Embassy”, and when you didn’t chime in, I again thought that I had offended. So I haven’t moved forward with “Embassy” out of respect for your possible dissatisfaction.

      Then I got busy with the Spain thing and I was out of pocket and my social media efforts went to hell and, well, here we are. I’m hoping this was all just missed connections and misunderstandings and we can pick right back up…


  3. I like how much fun you’re having with this.
    If I’m being asked to choose one, my preference is with the last only because he finally finds happiness. He had so little in his life, poor dear.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.