Despite their best interrogation techniques, the police were unable to get any information from the Banded-Barrel Gang concerning how all this demon liquor was smuggled into the nightclub…
Rewind, Take Two.
Mike Pence, Donald Trump and Sarah Mascara Sanders address a closed-door meeting of Republican Party leaders…
Rewind, Take Three.
Barrel in the lower left: “Why am I the only one with a spigot? Damn it, did I wander into a lesbian bar again?”
Rewind, Take Four.
The latest round of students is processed through the remains of the once-great American public-school system…
Rewind, Take Five.
Scientist #1: “This is our greatest invention!”
Scientist #2: “A huge advancement for medical science! It’s the most effective way to deliver multiple immunizations for diseases that we could have eradicated if some clueless people hadn’t decided that immunizations were stupid.”
Scientist #3: “Um, I’m thinking we made the suppositories a little too big. Who’s going to bend over and take that up the whizzway? Especially the one with a spigot.”
Scientist #1: “People who believe everything they see on the Internet. People who post things on the Internet that no one should ever believe.”
Scientist #2: “Fox News viewers. Voters who hate socialism whilst living on government benefits. Five current members of the Supreme Court.”
Scientist #3: “Got it. Let’s apply for a patent. Hey, we should have a slogan for our new product.”
Scientist #1: “Who’s that knocking at my back door?”
Scientist #2: “This is going to hurt you more than it’s going to hurt me.”
Scientist #3: “Okay, maybe we should work on that part later.”
Rewind, Take Six.
That awkward moment when Theresa May’s staff realized that she might have formed a coalition with the wrong party…
Rewind, Take Seven.
That awkward moment when you show up at a party and immediately realize that nobody here has anything interesting to say and you should have stayed home and binge-watched “Grace and Frankie”…
Rewind, Take Eight.
The Von Trapp Family Singers make a poor decision about their next venue…
Rewind, Take Nine.
Prohibition: Yet another example of Congress bending over for their sponsors and not their constituents. (“Say, is that a bribe in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?”)
Rewind, Take Ten.
An unaired episode of “Friends”, wherein Phoebe sings “Smelly Vat”, Monica has an orgasm whilst discovering a new obsessive-compulsive cleaning product, Chandler makes a glaring error concerning the group’s travel itinerary, Joey remains unaware that this is the last time he will be in a series that is actually funny, and Ross and Rachel continue engaging in the longest round of foreplay known to mankind. (“I’ll be there for you. But not until we’re guaranteed syndication…”)
Originally posted in “Crusty Pie” on 04/03/15. Considerably revised. For some reason, I really felt compelled to work in a Petula Clark song with the Theresa May bit. I don’t know where that was coming from, but I couldn’t get the planets to align. I’m thinking I need to go back to Spain. Cheers.
Categories: Past Imperfect