Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #474

King Edward VIII: “And so it is with heavy heart that I must abdicate the throne so I can be with the woman I love. I’m sure that many of you are worried about what this means for our country and the value of the commemorative plates you bought at my coronation. I will now bravely answer your questions, fully aware that if I don’t like said questions I can simply walk away because I don’t owe you anything now.”

American Reporter: “Um, yeah, why do the microphones on your desk look like baby Empire State Buildings?”

Edward, now merely the Duke of Windsor: “I’m assuming that you didn’t go to Cambridge, but surely you can think of something more important to ask.”

Reporter: “Well, I suppose I could, but surely you realize that huge, conservative corporations have taken over our national media and journalists aren’t allowed to report the truth anymore. Everything has been reduced to white noise and nothingness and fluff pieces about desktop accessories.”

Edward, now merely sad: “I weep for my country.”

Reporter: “Your country? Try being a reporter in America where telling the truth can cost you your job.”

Edward, now merely incredulous: “Surely the people can tell when they are being scammed.”

Reporter: “Have you not noticed who is currently sitting in the White House? Thank God his tiny fingers can’t reach the nuclear buttons or we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

Edward, now merely confused: “Do you mean the orange chap?”

Reporter: “Yes. The one who is filled with hot air and floating above London.”

Edward, now merely grasping: “Oh. I thought that was just some sort of children’s festival that had gotten entirely out of hand.”

Reporter: “Actually, that’s a good assessment of the White House. Can I quote you?”

Wallis Simpson, wandering in from wherever she might have been: “Eddie, are you done with the abdicating? You’re late for your next meeting, some mess about how nationalism is a naughty thing that we don’t really want. I’m sure we can watch the news on the telly later and learn the real truth.”

Reporter, briefly throwing off the shackles of corporate-controlled American news: “Ah, how nice of you to join us. Is it true that both of you are Nazi sympathizers?”

Wallis, smiling winsomely: “Is it true that your orange balloon is controlled by the Russians?”


Originally published in “Crusty Pie” on 12/15/16. Modified and extended for this post. By the way, whilst I admired the balloon thing, I found the crop circle with the Russian phrase to be even more satisfying. It’s the whimsical bits of anarchy that give me hope…


14 replies »

  1. Love. That is all. Plus, I am with you on the crop circle, though of course being the fey little thing that I am, I thought it was put there by aliens and have been out in the woods trying to phone home with my glowing heart ever since 😉

    Liked by 3 people

    • The crop circle just killed me, truly. And if you had glanced around whilst in the woods, assuming that your glowing heart wasn’t blinding you, you would have seen me off to the side, crouched with eyes skyward…


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