Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #569

Henry: “I yearn for you desperately.”

Barbara: “How touching. But as you can see by the perfect curl artfully-arranged on my forehead, I’m not particularly fond of touching. Because it might jack with the curl and I spent far too much time in makeup for such a thing to happen.”

Henry: “It’s not your upper curl that I’m interested in satisfying. I’m thinking of something located at a lower latitude.”

Barbara: “Really, now? And I’m supposed to be impressed that all you care about is my docking station? How utterly juvenile.”

Henry: “You sure talk a lot for someone who has been rubbing up against my wi-fi connection for the last thirty minutes.”

Barbara: “I haven’t been rubbing anything. It’s just that the ludicrous bow in my hair is stuck in the sap on this tree and I’m merely trying to liberate myself. Surely you can understand the difference between wanton exertion and a quest for freedom.”

Henry: “I understand that you’re avoiding your fundamental desires. I’m a man, you’re a woman, and we are both boiling with unrequited satisfaction. It’s basic math.”

Barbara: “A few thoughts on that. One, it doesn’t necessarily take a man and a woman to conjugate a sentence, a variance in my personal life that will not become clear until an unauthorized biography about me is released once I’ve passed. Two, a woman needs a deeper connection with a partner before they surrender the pink. And three, I don’t have that connection with you.”

Henry: “But how can that be? You have to admit that I look really hot in this photo.”

Barbara: “I’ll give you that. But at the end of the day, it’s the little details that count. And I just can’t sleep with someone wearing a suit jacket like yours.”

Henry: “But you’re wearing a jacket as well.”

Barbara: “Yes, but mine is demure and speaks of refinement. Yours speaks of getting high on a Sunday afternoon and watching cartoons for five hours.”

Henry: “I don’t think I make the connection.”

Barbara: “And you never will.”


Originally published in “Crusty Pie” on 03/12/18. No changes made. (Surprising, right?) But seriously, Henry looks rather dashing in this shot. I’d certainly consider changing internet providers…


14 replies »

  1. *it doesn’t necessarily take a man and a woman to conjugate a sentence* both your sentence and it’s scantily veiled reference point are exquisite. Top hole, old man. And that is not aimed at you, Henry 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Barb: Stop smelling me! That’s creepy.
    Hank: Haven’t I heard this somewhere before?
    Barb: Yes! From the last woman you creeped on.
    Hank: No way! I think you’ve got the wrong Barbara, the wrong movie … and the wrong me.
    Barb: You bet I’ve got the wrong you. You didn’t used to be so weird. Now pose for the still and pretend to be gaga over me, kind of the way Trump looks at Melania.
    Hank: Who looks at who???
    Barb: You know, next century, when we have #metoo and … never mind. Just go troll for your next wife. You’re annoying me.
    Hank: What did I do? I just don’t get women.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.