Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #461 (A Random and Unrequited Crusty Pie Marathon)

PR Consultant: “Wow. What exactly were you thinking when you posed for this photo?”

Myrna: “Well, initially I thought it would be a brave depiction of what Hollywood actresses look like without all the glamour and makeup.”

PR Consultant: “Uh huh. And did you have any second thoughts?”

Myrna: “Actually, yes. I did briefly wonder if this image might inspire a future actress by the name of Lindsay Lohan to do stupid things with her career. But then I got over it, because you can blame other people all you want, but what happens in your life is really up to you.”

PR Consultant: “That sounds rather deep. What led you to this moment of epiphany?”

Myrna: “Well, you can see the photo. I clearly didn’t have enough hair conditioner in my life at the time, and this causes one to reflect on their priorities.”

PR Consultant: “That sounds a bit weak. So did you have an epiphany or not?”

Myrna: “I have no idea. It appears that the next page in my script is missing. Perhaps you can ask the writer?”

PR Consultant: “Writer Man, where were you going with this?”

Brian: “Um, well… I really don’t know. I had a strong beginning, but now I’m at a loss and I’m fumbling around trying to reach a witty conclusion. I just thought the photo was really swell and I started typing before I had a goal in mind.”

PR Consultant: “Uh huh. And did you have any second thoughts?”

Brian: “I’m thinking maybe I shouldn’t have given you a voice in this piece of flash fiction. Perhaps I should start hitting this little backspace key.”

Myrna: “And what about me? I’m stranded in front of the camera without any decent dialogue. Have you no shame?”

Brian: “No. That’s why I blog.”


Originally published in “Crusty Pie” on 11/14/16 and “Bonnywood Manor” on 01/18/17. No changes made from the last version. Personal side note to Claudette: “What about me? It isn’t fair.” I sense that you are going through a bit right now. Chin up, be strong. And if I’ve missed the mark? The song remains the same.


21 replies »

  1. She looks a little intense. 🙂 I feel she is considering deeply what part of the anatomy she might remove from the person who has pissed her off . Bit like a cat considering whether to devour, or torture, the helpless rodent.

    Thanks for the thoughts Brian, I truly appreciate it. I am ok, just the end of winter niggles I think. Life isn’t meant to be fair, you shouldn’t expect it to be, but in truth my life is very good (winning the lottery would, obviously, improve it, oh and losing another 20kg) – but, damn, I do love that song – it just begs to be screamed sung with angsty abandon.

    Liked by 3 people

    • I would certainly not want to be on the receiving end of whatever actions she is contemplating. Hopefully her hair will get in the way and she can’t find me.

      Whew! I almost took out the personal comment after I posted, wondering if you might not care for me doing such. But I just wanted you to know that I could feel something and thought it best for a little reach out…

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’m an ego sponge – any mention of my name by you makes me happy. 🙂 I was much chuffed that you nw I would read to the end regardless of how I might be feeling (I always do, even if I can’t think of anything interesting to comment with. Sometimes all the other smart comments just wear me down and I feel pretty bland).

        Liked by 1 person

  2. No conditioner and still the straightest parting, aligned perfectly with the tip of her nose and the bow of her pertly painted matte lips. Triumph, Myrna, this is the definition of a beauty triumph. Perhaps you should be blogging too … a selfie a day and a tip on how to tame hair with only a steel comb and some spittle. Winning, methinks 😉

    Liked by 4 people

  3. There’s something about Myrna Loy that is absolutely captivating–from her earliest movies to her appearances in later life. No matter how cheesy the show or movie, she elevated it. And the combination of Myrna Loy with William Powell is perfection.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Heh. And here I was wondering why Myrna was playing that creepy game that some of us as children used to play, where we’d go in a closet or under a blanket fort or some place relatively dark, shine the flashlight on our face and tell some creepy story that would cause younger folk to perhaps soil themselves and us to develop phobias about spiders and clowns and monkeys that would follow us the rest of our lives. You’re IT Myrna….. (take that one any way y’all like)…

    Liked by 1 person

    • We were too poor to afford a flashlight when we were little, so if we wanted to engage in the creepy story-telling we would have to wait around for a comet to fly by and then tell our story really fast. (Okay, totally making that up, but I made myself laugh so I’m saving it.)


    • I once had a drag queen tell me that if people can’t tell you’re wearing eyeliner then you’re not doing it right. (True story, she was a hoot.) And yes, I have actually worn eyeliner, back in my goth punk college days when we would don now-astonishing apparel and go dancing at after-hours clubs. In fact, there’s a story in the archives somewhere…

      Wait, I almost overlooked a cry for help. Why are you so dismayed with your hair? Have the two of you considered couple’s therapy?

      Liked by 1 person

      • 1) PICTURES! There must be PICTURES of Goth Punk Brian, yes? Please, say yes!

        2) I have straight hair, always wanted curly. We always want what we can’t have. (Please don’t use this with regards to #1) 😉

        Liked by 1 person

        • Well, I don’t believe there are any pictures of collegiate GPB, but this may turn out to be an erroneous statement. (I had a lot of shifty friends during college; such things happen when one first begins fine-tuning the art of drinking in social groups.) But I think there might be photos of GPB as a vampire, snapped at Halloween during my early Verizon days. I’ll see what I can find. (Translation: I will probably forget about said mission before this page has even refreshed after I post this comment, but fingers crossed…)

          Liked by 1 person

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