Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #298 (A Random and Unrequited Crusty Pie Marathon)

Gary: “What did you just say?”

Charlton: “I said I’m gonna get top billing in this movie no matter what it takes.”

Gary: “So you’re coming at me with a shovel? Holding it like that? What are you gonna do, tap me on the forehead with it? If you’re going to steal a murder weapon from the prop department, get something good, like this meat hook.”

Charlton: “Oh. I didn’t think of that.”

Gary: “Of course you didn’t. I’ve been in Hollywood longer than you and I know how things work. The best way to kill off a co-star is to sleep with the director. Second best, meat hook.”

Charlton: “Still, I want top billing. So I gotta get rid of you. I’m gonna take you out with this scooper, Cooper.”

Gary: “You fool. If I’m not in the movie, there is no movie. Who are you going to be acting with?”

Charlton: “I can play both parts. I’m a Republican. I already know how to talk out of both sides of my mouth.”

Gary: “I’m a Republican as well. And I’m not going to put up with anybody that has different opinions than mine.”

(The Shovel: “I’m thinking a certain writer spends far too much time creating surreal, unrealistic dialogue that undeservedly slanders good Americans.”

The Hook: “So you’re talking about the speechwriter for Donald Trump?”)

Director: “Why don’t both of you guys just kiss each other and get this foreplay over with? It’s Hollywood. Nobody will think twice about it.”


Originally posted in “Crusty Pie” on 09/01/15 and “Bonnywood Manor” on 09/14/16. No changes made from the last revision. Thanks to Lynette for reminding me of this one…


16 replies »

  1. My first thought about this picture was to wonder if that were one of those male situations where they wrestle and someone maybe orgasms, but calls it ‘sweat’ because manly men don’t enjoy each other’s company ‘that way’ well not in PUBLIC. And meat hook versus shovel or scoop, whatever that thing is…meat hook will win, unless the shovel weilder happens to bash the hook holder on the hook arm, breaking a bone and causing the hook to drop to the ground, where a guy could grab it and stab his enemy. Like manly men do. Um. Gary was hunky, even as a ‘older’ fellow. And Charleton? My, my, my. Nice pic Mr. Brian, very nice. But you post the absolute best things… all the time.

    Liked by 1 person

    • And really, this whole movie (“The Wreck of the Mary Deare”) is filled with such odd “sweaty” moments. I’m really not sure where the director meant to take the story, but it was definitely a questionable ride. Of course, it’s been a while since I’ve seen the thing, so my memories might be a bit more tainted than they really should be. Sometimes it’s better to remember than revisit, a sad lesson we’ve learned upon going back to cherished movies and shows of yore and discovering that we might not have had the best taste in the world… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I rather like that jaunty shovel hovering over Gary’s head …. it’s quite fetching. I am replying now, having not seen this post before. I don’t know if this was an issue with the reader or with me but it is certainly not an issue with the post which is of your usual standard. I suspect it was a WP issue and you can rest easy that your followers simply were not alerted. Something that it seems neither Charlton nor Gary are guilty of – high alert and expectation being etched on both those granite jaws in a moment that I am certain should have ended in a kiss but being Republican they had to remain unrequited. Such seething – it’s virtually volcanic!

    Liked by 1 person

      • imports from Canada? What has that pile of crap got against Canada? I mean they’re rude to Americans (some of them), but I observe Americans being rude to them right back (particularly when they’re driving on I-15 in some humongeous trailer home monstrocity and have not converted kilometers into miles correctly…)

        Liked by 1 person

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