Janet: “Oh my God! That policeman is clearly following me and he’s going to pull me over and he’s going to find the money I stole and I’ll end up in a women’s prison, sharing a cell with someone named Gruntina who will whore me out to all of her beastly little friends. My life is a wretched mess!”
Policeman: “I wonder if they’re still serving the tuna melt at Patty’s Diner…”
Originally published in “Crusty Pie” on 10/17/16 and “Bonnywood Manor” on 02/08/17. No changes made (vacation, natch). I thought we needed a break from all the happy sad little gay boy stories I’ve re-posted this week. But now that I ponder the matter, this is really just me in a different outfit…
Categories: Past Imperfect
Bonnywood Manor 
For some reason, I’m reminded of this: you can tell a cop but you can’t tell him much. And Janet? There’s no telling why some people shower in the mornings and some find themselves caught in there in the evenings. 😉
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You are tempting me to drag out all my “Psycho”-based Past Imperfects and run a marathon. (For some reason, the stills from that movie are so easy to skewer.) Wait, I also have a lot of cop-based Imperfects. Hmm. I wonder what that says about me…
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Gruntina, really ? It’s scary. 😀
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I’m sure Gruntina is a very nice person, once you get to know her. Or maybe not…
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As an ex-cop, I can confirm that they are definitely thinking about food and are not the slightest bit interested in the cash in the trunk of your car 🙂
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Thank you for validating my hypothesis. I’ll be sending you some gift cards for Patty’s Diner…
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Bless the hungry policeman.
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For they do not know what they haven’t eaten…
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After all, Patty makes the BEST tuna melt.
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Just ask anyone in town!
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I want a tuna melt now. 😂🤣 AND a scary movie marathon night at Bonnywood! 👻👻
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“But no movies with chasing!” exclaims Elizabeth, glancing over her shoulder.
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Policeman (cut off in mid dialog and a bit pissy about it): That tuna melt would go GREAT with some of Patty’s famous doughnuts. You know it isn’t a meal without a doughnut or two. Say! Why is that woman up ahead slowing down so much? Shoot. I was just about to go 89 (or whatever the code thingie is for “off duty so I can scarf doughnuts” in cop speak) too! Should I pull her over? Nah. She’s almost to Bates’ Motel and I bet you dollars to those doughnuts she goes in there. After all the next services are 552 miles. She couldn’t begin to hold it that long…”
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His partner, Elmer, who happens to be the brother of the infamous Gruntina although he never talks about it, turns to the driving policeman and spouts: “Why you gotta say all that? Just say ‘I’m hungry’ and turn into the parking lot. Jeez.”
Also not discussed? Why we can’t see Elmer in the photo. Just what the hell is he doing?
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*snicker* Elmer isn’t visible, because like Harvey the Rabbit (I think I got that name right), he’s mostly imaginary. Gruntina (bwahahahah) had him labelled ‘non-real’ when he popped into the world, spoiling her fantasies about being an only child. He just shows up to censure people about their poor eating habits…mostly like the REAL cops do. Well some of them.
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I’m not sure which sounds worse, tuna melt or the jail cell. hmmmm
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Valid observation. But at the end of the day, the tuna melt will pass. (Ahem.) Jail time? Not so quickly…
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True, and they’ll probably serve more of those tuna melts while in jail too.
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No kidding – perfect! Loved this one!
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Thanks, Jan! Life is not as complicated as we try to make it to be… 😉
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Policeman: {looks into car} Why do you still own a Spin Doctors CD?
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Janet sighs, defeated. “You’re right, I have made some poor choices. Just book me.”
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Policeman: I’m going to let you off with a warning this time, but if I catch you again with anymore complaint rock from the 90’s, I’m going to have to take you in.
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Yet another instance where a little time in the slammer would have been the best thing to happen. If only we could turn back time and Janet would repay her debt to society rather than see her life go down the drain.
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How very sly of you, mon cher. Have I mentioned lately that your brisk wit is one of the shining stars in your constellation?
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Merci d apprécier ce que j’écris. Je voudrai bien en faire autant pour vous mais malheureusement je ne maîtrise absolument pas l anglais.
😭
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C’est d’accord. Merci de votre visite et de votre commentaire. A votre sante. 🙂
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Short and sweet
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Sometimes that’s the optimal flight pattern…
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The only way to fly.
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