Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #436

Janet: “Oh my God! That policeman is clearly following me and he’s going to pull me over and he’s going to find the money I stole and I’ll end up in a women’s prison, sharing a cell with someone named Gruntina who will whore me out to all of her beastly little friends. My life is a wretched mess!”

Policeman: “I wonder if they’re still serving the tuna melt at Patty’s Diner…”


Originally published in “Crusty Pie” on 10/17/16 and “Bonnywood Manor” on 02/08/17. No changes made (vacation, natch). I thought we needed a break from all the happy sad little gay boy stories I’ve re-posted this week. But now that I ponder the matter, this is really just me in a different outfit…


30 replies »

    • You are tempting me to drag out all my “Psycho”-based Past Imperfects and run a marathon. (For some reason, the stills from that movie are so easy to skewer.) Wait, I also have a lot of cop-based Imperfects. Hmm. I wonder what that says about me…


  1. Policeman (cut off in mid dialog and a bit pissy about it): That tuna melt would go GREAT with some of Patty’s famous doughnuts. You know it isn’t a meal without a doughnut or two. Say! Why is that woman up ahead slowing down so much? Shoot. I was just about to go 89 (or whatever the code thingie is for “off duty so I can scarf doughnuts” in cop speak) too! Should I pull her over? Nah. She’s almost to Bates’ Motel and I bet you dollars to those doughnuts she goes in there. After all the next services are 552 miles. She couldn’t begin to hold it that long…”

    Liked by 1 person

    • His partner, Elmer, who happens to be the brother of the infamous Gruntina although he never talks about it, turns to the driving policeman and spouts: “Why you gotta say all that? Just say ‘I’m hungry’ and turn into the parking lot. Jeez.”

      Also not discussed? Why we can’t see Elmer in the photo. Just what the hell is he doing?

      Liked by 1 person

      • *snicker* Elmer isn’t visible, because like Harvey the Rabbit (I think I got that name right), he’s mostly imaginary. Gruntina (bwahahahah) had him labelled ‘non-real’ when he popped into the world, spoiling her fantasies about being an only child. He just shows up to censure people about their poor eating habits…mostly like the REAL cops do. Well some of them.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Yet another instance where a little time in the slammer would have been the best thing to happen. If only we could turn back time and Janet would repay her debt to society rather than see her life go down the drain.

    Liked by 1 person

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