Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #574

Ed, Professional Hoofer from New Jersey: “And for the last bit of the dance finale, do this little side kick and shake your moneymaker like it’s on fire.”

Starlet #1, far left: “You mean our moneymakers. Plural.”

Ed: “No, I mean singular. The good ole thrust and grind with your tallywacker.”

Starlet #2: “But we don’t have that kind of…financial resource. In case you hadn’t noticed.”

Ed: “I don’t understand. Why would Chippendales hire dancers without forklifts?”

Starlet #3: “I don’t mean to be rude, but are you drunk?”

Ed: “Of course I am. My career has tanked and the only gig I can get is doing choreography for steroid-soaked Chippendales Neanderthals. Who wouldn’t drink in that situation?”

Starlet #4: “Why do you keep saying Chippendales? We don’t have that word in our country. This is the Bolshoi Ballet.”

Ed: “It is? How the hell did I get in Russia? I knew something wasn’t right when I transferred trains in Berlin. But the drinks kept coming, so I just followed the bouncing shot glass until we got to the last station. That’s my career in a nutshell.”

Starlet #1: “So what do we do now?”

Ed: “If this really is Russia, you’d best get your ass out there and vote for Putin. Because he don’t play.”

Starlet #2: “I’m not afraid of a beastly man with no morals whatsoever.”

Ed: “Oh, you’d be surprised how often men like that manage to get power.”

Starlet #3: “Just like in your own country?”

Ed: “Fair enough. Now, where can I get a drink since the trains aren’t running at this hour?”

Starlet #4: “That depends. Are you straight, white and rich?”

Ed: “I can only attest to one of those things.”

Starlet #1: “Then you’re screwed. In both of our countries.”


Originally published in “Crusty Pie” on 03/20/18. Modified slightly for this post. Trivia #1: The drunk is actually Sid Caesar. Trivia #2: This is a still from “Your Show of Shows”, his (and Imogene Coca’s) variety TV series. Trivia #3: The Bolshoi Ballet was founded in 1776, the same year a certain country was founded, a country that is now being unfounded by a straight, white, rich man…


16 replies »

  1. Just noticed how different the ballerinas look, height-wise. I thought they strove for uniformity in that regard?… or maybe I’m thinking of the Rockettes?
    Looked up Imogene and discovered she studied ballet. Such interesting things I learn here. You should charge tuition. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Along those lines, why is it that only one of the chorus gals is even TRYING to mimic Sid’s suggested choreography? Two of the others have ballerina dyslexia and the the third isn’t even bothering to put forth true effort. Why does this make my think of Congress? Hmm.

      By the way, I’m already charging tuition. I hope your PayPal account is up to date…

      Liked by 1 person

  2. And again the “Reader” at WP let me down, but since there was no offering for my Sunday perusal, this will do nicely.
    Starlet 1: If I eye this guy just right, and subtly touch his money maker via the circuitous route of going behind the scenes…I might get to STAR in this thing. Whatever it is…Ballet? Nahhh.
    Starlet 2: If I keep my eyes averted, nobody might notice that not only am I the shortest one here, but that my thighs are so huge that doing that leg lift thing that 3 & 4 are doing would take a stronger MAN than I would ever hope to attract…
    Starlet 3: Okay just breathe and pretend that big haired tw*t isn’t touching me in a way that makes me sort of uncomfortable….maybe she’s just trying to steady her balance, having gazongas the size of hers AND insisting on wearing higher heels than everyone else means she’s no doubt off balance. If she falls down though, no bets on whether or not I’ll laugh…. It’s not jealousy! Really…
    Starlet 4: I’ve got the biggest breasts. If that ugly American who is supposed to be in power really IS straight (because girls will talk and some of the talk contradicts that straight business with a vengeance. That whole business with Putin sort of put the straight idea out of the running..), he might appreciate me shaking my money makers. Might even marry me, although my hair is a bit unruly given his apparent taste for WASP-Y girls with straight blonde hair… (and not that I believe he has any taste…..)..

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think I might have to put down my writing quill and concede defeat to you.

      Have I mentioned before that I love how you willingly embrace the “run wild and free with your imagination” concept? You are quite admirable in your efforts.

      And yes, something is strongly amiss with Trump’s worship of Putin. First of all, Putin, despite the way he relishes at appearing partially clothed in publicity shots, is nothing special to look at whatsoever. Second, Trump loves to dominate. Exhibits A through C: Trump’s wives. And Putin has clearly never been dominated or he wouldn’t be such an asswipe.

      Wait, maybe Trump DOES love to be dominated. After all, we’ve had those rumors floating around for a while now concerning certain racy videos that may or may not exist.

      I need to stop thinking about that right now or I’ll get indigestion…


      • *snicker* “concede defeat”? Nay sir, nay. (whinny, whinny..) My imagination is merely sparked from your already brightly burning sarky wit. And I have a huge supply of Tums in case that indigestion gets out of control…thinking of dump boy and whatever he might get up to in furtive corners turns my stomach as well (which is why I have such a huge supply of that calcium based bile repressor… ) Sorry I mentioned it. My very bad….

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Oooo! Just remembered, I heard a song on “Willie’s Roadhouse” that reminded me of you…something about Oklahoma and cowboys…damn I KNEW I should have written it down. was well before your time, sung by someone long dead now of course, and is perhaps out of your musical genre ball park. But it’d have made a nifty Backup Dancers From Hell…

    Liked by 1 person

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