Past Imperfect – #380

At the quilting bee, an intriguing conversation took place…

Self-satisfied woman on the far right: “Girls, you are not going to believe what happened last night. I had my first orgasm!”

Confused woman on the far left: “Orgasm? Isn’t that what the Japanese do when they make paper swans?”

Unimpressed woman to her left: “Oh, please. I’ve been having orgasms for years. Why do you think I ride my horse all the time? I practically see stars every time he jumps a fence.”

Appalled woman in the middle: “Back in my day, women never had orgasms. It simply wasn’t done.”

Impressed woman to her right: “I’m so proud of you! But did your lover even happen to notice? They often don’t. They just grunt and roll off and continue to not bathe properly.”

Self-satisfied Woman: “Who said there was a lover involved? I just borrowed Amy’s horse.”


Originally published in “Crusty Pie” on 07/08/6 and “Bonnywood Manor” on 10/11/16. Minimal changes made for this post. For the record, in case you happen to be working on a doctoral thesis concerning this very matter, men also see stars when a horse jumps a fence. But not in a good way, with the jolt of returning to Earth leading to a breath-taking orbital realignment. This explains why so many jockeys sound like muskrats on helium at the end of a race…


15 replies »

  1. This made me laugh out loud but I can’t help thinking that having an orgasm, whilst on a horse that was jumping a fence would likely result in a parting of the ways…at least you’d hit the ground happy I suppose ;O) x

    Liked by 2 people

  2. And the demure little blonde girl said nothing. Well apparently as all those other appalled or smug depending on one’s point of view can get confusing as they all look vaguely the same. Which they WOULD, being pseudo-sisters. The demure little blonde girl didn’t have to say anything. Those who talk about their ‘experiences’ whether equine or human, usually are whistling in the proverbial dark to see if anyone will share ACTUAL experiences. The blonde had some. And nice girls don’t ‘tell’. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh, I’m glad you made this comment, as I was certain that I had given everyone a line. Upon review, I found that I had an embarrassingly-incorrect directional which does indeed leave Demure Blonde mute. I have since whitewashed the outrage, but the shame still lingers. Which is probably how that poor, overworked horse is feeling right now…

      Liked by 1 person

      • Actually I thought I had mis-read. Isn’t the mute blonde girl (who was Amy from the book and the movie and who always struck me as a bit of a goody two shoes), the one with the satisfying horse experience? “Unimpressed woman to her left: “Oh, please. I’ve been having orgasms for years. Why do you think I ride my horse all the time? I practically see stars every time he jumps a fence.” Makes ME (Melanie) wish I’d learnt to ride. Sounds very satisfying indeed. 😉 It’s always the quiet ones, isn’t it??

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Lol! Love it. It just simply wasn’t done. Lol again. As if. Only for appearance’s sake, was it not done. I’ve seen some of those vintage ‘women’s helpers’. Who needed a man?

    Liked by 2 people

    • I actually found my mother’s ‘vintage’ bit of er erotica once. It was in the linen cupboard, high up behind the ‘guest’ towels (which everyone knows are NEVER used). I got it out and it had all these weird um ‘heads’. Ma turned an interesting shade of purple and told me it was her massager (well she didn’t lie) and that I wasn’t to fool around with it. I think I was six…. Oh my heck. Now I’m going to have that psychic scar to deal with as well…. 😛

      Liked by 1 person

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