Sarcasm

Exhibit 23 in the Trial of “The People vs. The Possibility That Brian Is a Smart-Ass”

And so it was, this past Saturday evening, that a situation developed.

My partner had plans to depart our domicile to meet up with a certain circle of friends that he has. Someone in said group was having a milestone birthday or had just given birth or had managed to locate the Ark of the Covenant, something that required a celebration of sorts. (To be fair, I knew exactly why he was joining this shindig, but I now choose to feign muddled confusion in order to gain sympathy from the jury, as I was not particularly impressed with a certain aspect of his decision to embark on this voyage.)

The issue? He had invited two of his siblings to spend the weekend at our house, and they were now in residence and fully expecting to be entertained in a lavish manner, which is the normal expectation guests should have at Bonnywood Manor. Upping the ante a bit more, Partner had also invited a mutual friend to drop by for the evening, despite the fact that he was going to be AWOL during a critical segment of the festivities.

“Don’t worry,” said Partner, as he stood in front of our bathroom mirror, spritzing himself with cologne and adjusting his hair follicles in an admirable and satisfying manner. “I’ll just make an appearance and then flee at the earliest opportunity.”

I knew this was a lie.

To be fair, part two, the folks with whom he would be meeting are a lovely bunch, intelligent and witty and wise, with guaranteed moments of hilarity and a joie de vivre that is rare. Which is exactly why I knew he would tarry a bit on his return flight. I couldn’t really blame him, but I already did, because that’s how relationships work.

Partner parted.

I did not, left as I was to deal with the Siblings and the Mutual. To be fair, part three, I had a lovely time with the S & M, sitting on the back patio as we did, swilling fortifying beverages and discussing a wide range of topics from religion to hypocrisy to politics to reincarnation to the basic fact that we all want to do the right thing and be loved, but we sometimes aren’t quite sure how to get there. And we also barbecued and concocted side dishes and whipped up dips, prepping a delightful repast for the Four of Us Who Had Been Left Behind.

Post meal, a bit of naughtiness and slight revenge ensued.

Partner had been gone for hours at this point, as I had sagely predicted. Surely I must make a dramatic statement of some kind, even if it was pointless and did not have any impact on society whatsoever.

To be fair, part four, the Siblings did not participate, engaged as they were in a discussion about something that I didn’t really care about. The Mutual Friend? She was ON it, enthusiastically following my lead and providing artistic direction on the matter at hand.

We prepared a plate of leftovers for Partner, showing our love and support for his complete abandonment, proffering sustenance that would re-energize him after the long drive home from The People Who Were Apparently More Important Than Us.

And herewith is a snapshot of our devotion:

 

 

Surely the jury won’t convict me of smart-assedry. How could they?

Peace.

 

34 replies »

  1. “ORDER IN THE COURT” “The Prosecution has put forth a compelling case. I would like to hear from the Defence . . . Does the Defence have any testimony? Any rebuttal? The Defence is resting. I find in favour of the Prosecution. Case closed.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I love that plate. The food is so artfully arranged with a broccoli flower next to a dog turd-like object while two eyeballs try to cosy up to a something covered in a mysterious sauce. And, I particularly love the red decoration. Was that Scotch’s contribution? A puzzle plate – perfectly apt for the partner who disappears into the night. You have my full support. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    • Nothing says “everlasting love for your partner” like the artful arrangement of questionable food bits found around the house. Scotch did not actually participate in the performance piece, because he’s an anarchist at heart, but I’m sure he would have approved if it wasn’t for the fact that his species does not approve of anything that humans do…

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Great post!

    But the title had me a bit perplexed… this bit “the possibility that” !?! You’re definitely gillcup! Now off with you and your head (to be slow-roasted with fine herbs de Provence and a plum in your mouth and served up on a silver platter to your starving partner and his wittiest friends), we the completely unpersuadable judge and jury do not intend to snort any more of this chicanery of yours, rapscallion!

    Liked by 2 people

    • double bwahahahahah!!! Off with his head! Oh my. Say. Didn’t you espy that stunning fork, artfully arranged to the right of the plate prepared by the alleged smart ass? It proves him innocent…and yeah, proves I can be bought. 😉

      Liked by 3 people

    • I hang my head in shame, as I have transgressed beyond the borders of redemption. I have no idea how I can move beyond this dark moment. Oh wait, I do know. I’ll just write another blog post that blames society for my wicked ways. Just as soon as I can get this plum out of my mouth and rinse the fine herbs de Provence off my traitorous skin… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Perhaps Partner had invited S & M (is there a hidden meaning there?) over to keep you entertained so you would not be lonely and feel left out in his absence? Or, perhaps Partner invited S&M so you could not disagree loudly with his decision to depart. I would have to hear the Partner’s side of the story to make a decision, as I suspect you have presented only one side of the story. However, that said – I do love the plate of leftovers you prepared fo him. Chortle here.

    Liked by 1 person

    • As always, you are sage and wise with your withholding of judgement. I naturally and instinctively try to paint myself as the pretty one, but my brush is often dripping with tainted pigment. Say, perhaps I should consider a career in politics? 😉

      Like

  5. I love your cutlery, so slip me four place settings (is that the correct term for knife, fork, salad fork, and spoon) and you have my full support. Even if it turns into a scene from “Twelve Angry Men” (the one with Jack Lemmon and George C. Scott…to be clear, not that other mess. I watched it once, I know it’s the ‘original’, but the material was too dated for my taste..I digress (as usual) ) . I think your ‘love’ offering is appropriate, given the abandonment issues you’ll now need therapy for. And like Carol, I read “S&M” and wondered if you had wandered to a darker side of things….um. But it’s love, right? And as much as I sometimes hated hubby, I always loved him. Even when he abandoned me. At least yours came back…. um…apologies. This comment wandered into darkened corners where I can’t seem to find my way back out again, so I’m shutting up. My verdict? Innocent!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Isn’t the cutlery swell? It’s made by Fiesta, and even though it wasn’t intentionally made to celebrate the Rainbow People, I choose to pretend otherwise. We take our pleasures where we can find them…

      I shall remain mum about the original “12 Angry Men”, just like most of the jury until it became convenient for them to speak up during the dramatic finale.

      As for the “S & M” angle, I should have responded to Carol with such but I got distracted: I haven’t wandered to the dark side, but when the Siblings and the Mutual came up in my scribbling, I couldn’t help but wander down that road…

      Finally, thank you for your support of my innocence. You are now in my will concerning the bequeathing of the cutlery…

      Like

  6. It really does look like something Scotch has dug up/coughed up. I think it a perfectly reasonable response. No crime scene here. Also, please add this to my list of all time favourite Bonnywood offerings. (The writing, not the plate of questionables). 😉

    Liked by 2 people

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