Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #454

Harry, far left: “Now, son, this might not sound too good, but we had to sell you off so we could pay the internet bill. This here nice man is gonna take you for a while until we figure somethin’ else out.”

George, supposedly Nice Man: “We’re gonna have a swell time, you and I. Adventure awaits! And I’ve got lots of fun outfits for you to wear that are in color instead of this dreary black-and-white mess.”

Buddy, not relishing the prospect of being a fashion model, despite the tantalizing variety of hues: “I don’t like you. And that’s a stupid hat. But I gotta do what my daddy says and then deal with it later when I start a blog using a fake name.”

Agnes, far right, born bitter: “Harry, I don’t like him either. And it is a stupid hat. Are we doin’ the right thing?”

Harry: “Now, Bitter Agnes, if we don’t do this, we lose the internet and you won’t be able to watch all those ‘Orange Is the New Black’ shows you like so much.”

Agnes: “Here’s your suitcase, son. Momma packed it special.”


Originally published in “Crusty Pie” on 11/05/16 and “Bonnywood Manor” on 01/09/17. No changes made, as my own Internet bill is past-due and I may go dark at any second…


18 replies »

  1. Sadje? I don’t know who provides for you, but my internet bill is a whopping $65 for EVERYTHING. This is rural Utah though…hmm.

    Brian? My spin on that before I read your most revealing words of wisdom ABOUT the picture:

    Scrooge (in the hat): Tiny Tim? Pleased to meetcha. I’ve had a religious experience and seen the light and am here to make sure you at least have realistic durable medical equipment. That curved ‘crutch’ thing you’re sporting would make ANYONE fall over. It doesn’t look supportive at all.

    Tiny Tim: Pa? Who is this weirdo and am I not supposed to scream blue murder because some strange man I don’t know has grasped my tiny paw and is speaking words of comfort to me? Tell him to get away from me right now. He doesn’t know the difference between a crutch and a bobsled runner, obviously. I’m gonna cut him if he doesn’t piss off.

    Pa (in the wrong style of hat for the period): Tim, we’ve talked about your violent tendencies. I know you were scarred from having to hobble around spouting “God Bless Us EVERYONE” every two seconds, but remember doing that paid for the operation that made it possible for you to actually walk and participate in sketchy snow sports that will probably maim you again. Besides this is my boss and you should talk nicely to him. He bought you those oranges that staved off the impending rickets that were part of your problems.

    Tiny Tim: I never get to have any fun and if I have to say “God Bless Us Everyone” one more time, someone will die. Oh. Um. Well that one was on me, but no more!!

    Mrs. Cratchit (in the shawl, looking wan and pale and interesting): Tim, come along. Leave these men to work out the details of your indentured servitude in peace please. And put down that runner. You look daft and being in Bedlam is a whole lot worse than working for the Bureau of Cutesy Christmas Tourism. Oh look it’s snowing! Great. I hope Bob (your father) gets a hefty raise out of that old fart. Maybe then he can afford to buy himself a new hat, one more stylish than that years too soon thing he’s wearing.

    Off stage and sotto voce: HEY! Stop doing that. You’re ruining my take on the real movie that I lampooned. Had nothing whatever to do with A Christmas Carol and thank God for that! That thing has been over done so much that it is in danger of following the career paths of people like Justin Bieber and the current crop of pop singers. To whit: Going nowhere ever again.

    Me: Yes sir. My bad. I dreamed a dream…. ♪♫♪

    Liked by 1 person

    • There is simply nothing I can add to this delightfully-crazed interpretation. To even contemplate any tinkering is simply an outrage, so instead I will bask in the loopiness and quietly steal some of the best lines for a future post…


      • Well, now that you mention it, even as a child I was never frightened by the Child Catcher. I found him fascinating, which is true of most well-drawn villains, don’t you think?
        Just now looked him up and turns out the Child Catcher wasn’t in the book, he was created for the movie by one of the screenwriters: Roald Dahl! No wonder he’s a great villain! 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

    • True, villains are immensely fascinating. There are brief moments when I consider pursuing such a path, enraptured by the allure of destroying all in my path with complete amorality. But I’m just too lazy for world domination. And so it goes…

      Liked by 1 person

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