Humor

Baby Steps into Madness: The Original Recipes for the First Ten Slices of Crusty Pie

Note: Feeling a bit nostalgic, so I thought I’d step back in time and excavate the initial run of “Past Imperfects” on my Crusty Pie blog. This was back when the “stories” were mere snippets, just a line or two, so things had a different flavor and didn’t hint at the mammoth excursions most of the “Imperfects” would become in later years. (And I have since revised many of the “minis” into excursions as well, as indicated below, where appropriate.) Enjoy.

 

Past Imperfect – #1

I couldn’t sleep for three weeks after seeing this image. (Are they planning to get to Heaven by climbing each other’s hair?) And yes, Lord, please guide them. To a beauty shop that doesn’t have a threshing machine…

(Revision found here.)

 

Past Imperfect – #2

Looking back, Thelma realized that perhaps she shouldn’t have gotten into the absinthe whilst unsupervised…

(Never revised.)

 

Past Imperfect – #3

Gertrude was a bit peeved to learn that her thigh exposure was considered more of a disgrace than the stupid bathing bonnet that her sister had slapped together using fruit salad and some glue…

(Never revised.)

 

Past Imperfect – #4

Gaby, Lois and Sweet Pea did their best to pretend that the car door had not fallen off their vehicle, because to acknowledge such would take the spotlight off their expensive couture, and we couldn’t have that…

(Revision found here.)

 

Past Imperfect – #5

Darla Mae had obviously been reading the wrong beauty magazines, but her friends just didn’t have the strength to tell her…

(Never revised, mainly because I discovered, post-post, that this shot is actually a considerably recent snap and therefore does not meet the Crusty Pie paradigm of “old-timey photos given a modern twist”. My bad.)

 

Past Imperfect – #6

This is what happens when the members of the Proper Ladies for Abstinence discover a bottle of cooking sherry in a dusty cabinet at the YWCA…

(Never revised.)

 

Past Imperfect – #7

It was abundantly clear that the housewives were bored, there was nothing on television, and Bitsy suddenly said “Hey, why don’t we try doing THIS!” Of course, there was a measurable degree of shame in the morning…

(Never revised.)

 

Past Imperfect – #8

Despite all the prayers and special schooling, Betty’s parents knew that they should probably set aside some money for eventual attorney fees and bail bonds…

(Revision found here.)

 

Past Imperfect – #9

It wasn’t until later in the evening that Philip and Marnie learned the consequences of over-indulging in the cabbage soup on the buffet line at the St. Agnes Social…

(Revision found here.)

 

Past Imperfect – #10

Yvette suddenly realized that her lover was far too short for most social engagements, and the relationship was most likely doomed…

(Never revised.)

 

And there we have it, 10 indiscretions from the budding days of “Crusty Pie”, along with links to some questionable revisions, post-crime. As for those bits that I haven’t tainted with a second touch, please advise in the comments if you feel a certain neglected item is worthy of a revisit. No pressure, of course. I get into enough malfeasance on my own as it is…

 

15 replies »

    • Something tells me your trajectory toward Grumpy Old Man was something that simply could not be altered. Said with great respect and admiration, of course. And scoot over a bit, because I’m on that same trajectory… 😉

      Like

  1. Wait! How do you get 10 pieces from any pie, crusty or not? I did enjoy these – I think I like the short bits better than the longer ones – no criticism intended. Your mind does do interesting things, you know.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Number one is just … well, what to say? They certainly liked hair. There’s the hair from at least ten donors. Maybe they were getting their hair from the same place that produces DT’s wigs? And those outfits look like KFC uniforms. Yikes. Maybe the sounds were joyful, but the image? I believe it that you couldn’t sleep for three weeks. Now where did I leave those sleeping pills?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yep, that first image is mystifying and horrifying, causing one to rethink everything they know about life. But we have to give credit where credit is due, and that image is responsible for all the Crusty Pie stories that followed. So let’s raise a glass to massive amounts of hair for no apparent reason… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  3. This was a brilliant idea, Brian. Loved seeing the original takes in the ones you revised. (I wound up posting an oldie from my first year today, guess we’re both feeling nostalgic.)
    Wonder if it’d be worth it to seek out The Joyful Sounds, see if they’re still living and ask, “What gives?” Don’t rule this out too quickly, it could be the making of your next masterpiece. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Truth be told, I can remember a time when some of my own relatives could have admirably competed with this trio when it comes to the fine art of hair sculpting. I suppose it had something to do with living in Oklahoma at the time and the absolute dearth of anything interesting to do or see. We had to make our own fun, and we did. Praise be…

      Liked by 1 person

      • I think I was shell shocked by the sight of that first slice o’ Crusty Pie and those hairstyles. Again. Day-um. I wonder how much therapy was required to help those poor women get over that mess…and here I was feeling embarrassed about my own year book photo from 11th grade. I looked like an anemic ghost in that photo, but at least my hair wasn’t trying to eat Manhattan (or Dallas)…

        Liked by 1 person

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