Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #293

Left to right, Model #1: “Damn those prop people backstage. They gave me the one handbag that had an unpaid bill hanging out of it. Just my luck. Hopefully, the annoying print on my dress will draw the focus. And this hairdo. What’s up with that afro-puff on my forehead?”

Model #2: “Girl, don’t get my started on hairdo and props. I look like Heidi searching the Alps for her first orgasm. And these black gloves? Have I been coal-mining in Kentucky? And all the buttons on this dress? Even if I wanted to have sex with one of the creepy talent scouts around here it would take me thirty minutes to get into the launch position.”

Model #3: “Both of you young hussies need to shut the hell up. I’ve been modeling for sixty years. Try doing the runway in Paris wearing a hoop skirt. It was like dragging around the framework for the Hindenburg.”

Model #4: “Don’t cry for me, Argentina. But it would be swell if you could do something with this hatbox. There’s simply no reason for me to be carrying one alongside a pool in Beverly Hills.”

Model #5: “Oh, it’s not just the hatbox, honey. They shoved one at me, too. We all look like we’re sporting swimwear designed by Bess Truman.  And they made me wear the black outfit, so I’ll be the first one killed by Robert Mitchum in a film noir and I won’t be in the sequel. But what really pisses me of is that wretched wench Norma Jean coming up with the name ‘Marilyn Monroe’ before I did.”

Model #6: “Thank you for flying on the Starship Enterprise. Will you be having the dried fish or the dried chicken?”

Audience member on the far left: “Girl, did it ever cross your mind to exfoliate those heels?  I could grate cheese on that mess.”


Previously posted in “Crusty Pie” and “Bonnywood Manor”. No changes made. Personal side note to Lynette: Yes, I did see it, and I’m working on a worthy response. Stay tuned!


13 replies »

  1. That photo was shot, circa 1940 or I miss my guess. NOBODY with good breeding and taste ever showed so much shin as that skank who was ‘first’ in line. Cheese heels and sandals give her lack of understanding of haute couture away. I suspect the dress maker of dress #1 got bilious and cut the damned thing too short because her vertigo was making things swim. Tried to cover up the mistake by plastering the cloth with segments from the yet-to-be-heard-of genome project her future progeny would spawn. Through the breast indeed for those unlucky children. Having pictures of your X and Y, let alone the other 23 pairs must have been considered so advanced…. Lucky her. Side note: Each model has taken at least one quaalude (another thing that’s premature, given the dated clothing) and that’s why they all smiled on cue. It’s a wonder they could still stand up though..

    Liked by 1 person

    • I applaud you with fervency, for you have just divined, with astonishing precision and alacrity, everything that is wrong with the current state of American politics. All of the self-indulgent supermodels/elected officials have no clue about proper behavior but they continue to bumble along and depend on the inability of the electorate to remember the outrageous poses they assumed just yesterday… 😉


  2. First model – Let’s get dressed in really convoluted clothing and carry enough luggage for a trip to Antarctica and then jump in the pool!
    Marilyn Monroe lookalike – I’ll do anything to get noticed!
    First Model – who cares about noticed. Let’s get wild!
    Third Model – I do. I’m carrying a fur coat, I’ve been doing this since Donald Trump was a small child and his father tried to grab my willow, and I need to retire. Can we just get on with this?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Antarctica, responding to First Model: “I’d really prefer that you jump before you get on the plane. We already have enough useless icebergs as it is.”

      Marilyn Monroe, responding to Lookalike: “I hear ya, girl, but don’t sleep with any of the Kennedys”

      JFK, responding to First Model’s second ineptitude: “Don’t listen to Marilyn. I can spin you right round, baby, right round.”

      Donald Trump, responding to Third Model: “I’m still a small child. No collusion!”


    • Right? Judgey Woman: “I bought a ticket to be entertained, not ostracized, so if the performer is going to get all snooty and flippant, I can’t help but resort to coarse behavior.”

      Cheese-Grater Woman: “I’m so sorry. I thought you might be interested in the detailed embroidery on my backside. Please forgive.”

      Judgey: “OMG! I’m friends with a supermodel now. Anybody wanna touch me?”

      Cheesey: “Oh, honey, now you had to go and ruin it…”

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.