10 Reasons Why

There’s a Light (Over at the Frankenstein Place): 10 Reasons Why Some Bloggers Are Just Like Candles

Note: I’m in a bit of rascally mood tonight, so some of this might seem a bit harsh, but it’s just where my mind is as thunderstorms once again make their belligerent way across north Texas…

 

1. The candle that burns out as soon as you light it.

These are the folks who make one post on their blog, manage to somehow accrue 5,000 followers in roughly two hours, and then they vanish into the night, never to be heard from again.

 

2. The candle that doesn’t smell anything like you thought it would smell.

I notice that someone new has started following my posts, so I courteously check out their blog, only to discover that there is absolutely no reason for them to come anywhere near my site in the first place. My blog is all about humor and tolerance and liberal values. Their blog contains 74 fact-less rants concerning conspiracy theories, complete misconceptions about Christian behavior, and an obvious desire to have Trump’s love child, if possible. There’s a complete disconnect here, and it’s not mine.

 

3. The candle that has one of those mashed-in wicks where you can’t light it at all.

This would be the blogs that don’t have a “like” option on the posts. I can’t show you any love if you won’t let me touch your button.

 

4. The candle that has too many wicks.

I completely understand that some folks are in the blogging game to make a bit of money off their work, totally get it. But if your blog is so busy with ads and product-placement links that I can’t even find the actual posts without some type of GPS device, I’m going to lose interest really quickly. And I’m probably not going to come back for another round of needle-in-a-haystack vertigo.

 

5. The candle with the plastic wrap that is hard to remove.

On a related note, if a “Join My Email List!” pop-up slaps me in the face before your page has even fully loaded, you’re setting off a personal trigger with me. I am not going to follow you right away because I can’t see what’s under the damn pop-up. I don’t know if I like you or not at this point. Give me a chance to kick the tires before you try to sell me the car.

 

6. The candles that smell like indulgence and self-love.

Here’s the thing: If you are truly the super-model that you think you are, with 46 astoundingly-similar images of you sporting a strategically-torn blouse whilst sprawled on an unidentified beach, then you wouldn’t be wasting your time on a blog. Your ass would be on a plane to Ibiza for a “Sports Illustrated” photo shoot or you would be marrying a rich Republican presidential candidate so he can sneak your parents into the country despite his Twitter tweets that foreigners are breaching our borders. (“Build that wall!”) Have you spoken with Melania Trump? I’m sure she has some words to share. Of course, she probably stole them from Michelle Obama…

 

7. The candle with a flame that rapidly sputters.

You did not read ten of my blog posts in one minute as the email notifications indicate. Who do you think you’re fooling? Other than the folks who watch “Fox News” with a shocking religious intensity that explains why alien sightings are so rare on our planet. Most of the universe wants nothing to do with vapid lemmings who don’t know truth from corporate-sponsored fiction.

 

8. The candle that isn’t really a candle.

If everything on your blog is a re-post from another blog, you’re not really a blogger. You’re Google, minus the algorithms. I’m not saying there isn’t a place for such, but where is your voice? I’d like to hear it. Unless you’re a lemming. Or a super-model. Or pro-Brexit. Or anti-decency. Or… well, let’s just say that I understand why the aliens did a fly-over instead of a landing.

 

9. The candle that immediately collapses into a pool of oil and paraffin.

Don’t fret if your words are not immediately heard. I have tons of posts in my long blogging history that never received a single “like” or page visit. It’s the nature of the game. Keep at it and be true to yourself, doing what you want to do and not what anyone else expects you to do. It’s hard and it’s often lonely, but the best way to find your voice is to keep talking.

 

10. The candle that burns bright and never goes out.

This would be the folks who repeatedly come back to Bonnywood, despite my rants and randomness, or perhaps in pursuit of those very things. I don’t really know. But what I do know is that an honest “like” and an honest comment help negate a validation void that has been with me since the tender years. For me, Bonnywood Manor has been the high-school prom all over again, only this time everybody gets asked to dance, nobody sits on the sidelines alone, and we are all bright young things who believe in the hope of the tinfoil stars on the gym ceiling.

Cheers.

 

Second Note: Bonus points if you recognized the song in the post title. Even more bonus points if you can guess my favorite ditty from that movie, which is not the one in the title. No pressure. It’s all good.

 

78 replies »

  1. mmm, too many fun ditties in that film, and my head is ful of spaghetti from not sleeping right lately. Personally I just watch if for the facial expressions of Frank, and, of course, the an-tic-i-pa-tion. Oh, and the fishnet tights look too bloddy good on his legs.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Yep, its all but the title… ummmm, ‘Don’t Dream it/?’ As for your number seven, please don’t try to fool us with the speed reading bull. Spend the time, read it and like it or not. Sheesh.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Well crap. I was reading along all happy with your list and then I came to #10. Not only do I have to leave a comment, but it has to be “honest”. And it’s MONDAY.

    [wanders off in dejected search for the one thing that makes almost no demands whilst giving me a reason to live. Coffee Brian?]

    Liked by 2 people

    • Sure, I’ll take a cup. It’s the least I can do after shackling you with the albatross of veracity on one of the least exciting days of the week. I really need to work on my people skills. Perhaps adding a dollop of Bailey’s to the coffee will help me see the light? I think so…

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I love this post. 🙂 Number one is totally true. One lonely post, 5000 followers. And the post might be kind of crap. I don’t get it. But I have sometimes been completely agoggle at some of the “Discover” posts, too. How did that one get there, I ask myself. Maybe it was admissions bribery. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Of course you’re a 10. I’ve never thought otherwise. After all, we’re kindred souls who just happened to choose divergent options on our life itineraries. Otherwise, we would probably be ruling a small country together, where the citizens love us and everyone has no qualms about breaking into show tunes in the village square…

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I do recognize some of these candles, and you are right about why someone who has nothing similar to your blog following you doesn’t make sense. Cheers. Celebrate your followers anyway.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Which one are you?

    There’s a variation of #7 which annoys me even though it probably shouldn’t. It’s when I read and then ‘Like’ a post on a blog, and because I ‘liked’ their post that blogger then comes over to my blog and slaps a ‘Like’ on a couple of my posts, usually the ones featured in the popular posts widget in my blog footer. I know they haven’t bothered to read those posts.

    It feels a bit as though they’re giving me dog biscuits for being a good doggie by liking their post, and they’re trying to encourage me to keep being a good doggie and ‘Like’ more of their posts so that they’ll give me more dog biscuits.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Right?!
      There was this one blog I used to visit and every time I clicked “like” on something or left a comment, he’d zoom over to my blog and “like” every post I wrote up until his last “like.” So because I’m a twerp, I stopped liking anything for a really long time, then popped in and gave a like. So, yeah, there were 27 posts he clicked “like” on.
      The insincerity got to me. I stopped visiting his blog.

      Liked by 2 people

    • Ursula: If I had to classify myself based on my own admittedly-limited list (and trust, I did spend some time thinking about this one), I would have to go with #2. Not because I go out and follow posts that contradict my own beliefs, but because folks don’t know what my candle smells like when they first land on my site. I fully admit that I am all over the board when it comes to what I post, so a new person could easily get confused about what I’m trying to do here. Granted, humor is a basic element in much of the posts, so there’s that thread, but I can be elusive, at times…

      I completely agree with your concept of dog biscuits. There are too many bloggers who use the “like” functionality as a way to draw attention to themselves, not to show appreciation for what others are doing…

      Fiery/She Who Goes By Many Names/Queen of the Country That We Will Eventually Found Together: This is a bit out of context, but we really should be thinking about what our national anthem should be, just in case it really happens. Of course, this comment is meaningless if you haven’t already read my previous comment to you… 😉

      Christi: I have been in that same boat as you, many times. I would click on a post because I actually liked it, and next thing I know it’s like a scene from “The Birds”, with this deluge of fake clicking. It’s a bit sad, because that one post WAS good, but the fallout is too extreme…

      Liked by 3 people

      • Lol B. I read it and have been toying with many a reply that doesn’t end with “let’s run away together!!!”
        I think, just off the top of my head, and though I know that national anthems aren’t usually famous songs, but I’m really feeling Don’t Stop me Now, by Queen.
        Imagine the villagers singing that every time we address them with pressing issues such as which will be the next musical production the entire nation will put on and how are we leaning in the skinny dipping or no skinny dipping referendum?
        Ah..the possibilities…🔥

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Since I resemble a number of the Numbers, I feel like I’ve been well and truly spanked. And not in a good way. And like Fiery, agog over the “I can’t show you any love if you won’t let me touch your button.” Have patience with me, oh Master of the Blog. I’m working on 3 ms, elderly, constantly scrounging for online advertising, and choking down the first cup of java. There’s little left over for “the little grey cells” to manufacture blog material and I won’t blog unless it’s interesting. Caveat: There’s nothing like a healthy rant to clear the mental pipes. So keep screaming. And I guess be strangely grateful that the disgusting schlub infesting our White House provides a sick kind of comic relief.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Oh, I would never classify you as an exhibit for the court in any of my mini-diatribes above. You are a joy to interact with, and I immediately smile when I see that you have commented on something, knowing it will be a treat. I fully understand that you are busy, and I admire the gusto with which you pursue your pursuits. I’m a bit of a slacker these days, especially when it comes to a commitment to producing and promoting my writing, so at the end of the day (yes, a trite phrase, I’m a bit tuckered this evening) I’m the one who should be spanked, and not in a good way… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  8. These are all great thoughts about blogger types. # 3 really bugs me. I may have read the whole post, and would want to leave a ‘like’ even though I don’t have a special loving comment. But sadly there is no way to do that. And if I do want to leave a comment, there is a gauntlet to run before you can even get there. No thanks…so I look for the button to touch, before going any farther into the trap. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • I follow your philosophy as well. When I visit a new site, if I can’t easily find the “like” button, my enthusiasm dwindles pretty quickly. I realize I could leave a comment, but that lack of a button makes me reconsider even reading the post….

      Liked by 1 person

    • Exactly. While I freely admit that the WordPress community, overall, is much more supportive than the Blogger community where I spent my formative years. Still, there are certain cliques and manipulations on WordPress that sour the appetite.

      I’m always up for a good Monster Mash, or so I’ve been told… 😉

      Like

  9. Ahhh, now I know why I’m blogging! I never got to dance that stupid prom dance either! (Over there in Slovenia we don’t have the prom date as such but only a dancing partner for the main quadrille dance). Mine brought HIS OWN DAMN GIRLFRIEND to dance with without prior notice even though we had spent several previous months having dancing lessons twice a week where we danced only with each other.

    At the first introductory lesson of our mostly female class and his mostly male class from the other part of town we ended up together because we were the only two people out of 50 or so who were wearing cowboy boots. Obviously, there are no guarantees.

    (Plus he was gorgeous but don’t tell anybody. I didn’t even know that he had a girlfriend. Damn!)

    Ohh, does this mean that now I can stop blogging? 😉 I’ve been at it for five years. This weekend is the anniversary.

    I’ve enjoyed this summation of bloggers. The truth needs to be told.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Well, it sounds like Cowboy Man was not much of a gentleman, but we’ll just pretend that he was so overwhelmed by YOUR stunning presence that his nerves gave out at the last minute and he went to Plan B. (This still doesn’t make him a gentleman, but at least we have a happier ending for the story.)

      Perhaps we should track him down and see what he’s up to these days? (And if he’s still gorgeous.) Might be fun.

      But no, you can’t stop blogging, not until you make it to my milestone, which will be 11 years this may. Then we’ll talk… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      • Hahha, you are doing great with your alternative facts and different ending suggestions. I must admit that I don’t even remember his name, much less surname, if I ever knew it at all. We had a strictly dancing relationship. I wouldn’t recognise him if I saw him in the street. Actually, I haven’t thought of this episode for the longest time but your post brought it back up. I still maintain that this is why I blog.

        Eleven years is pretty amazing. Your blog – a teenager soon. It will start to date and then try not to make little blogs. Fun times for a parent.

        I wish you much continued fun doing it. The only reason why one should.

        Liked by 1 person

  10. Bonus point: It has to do with newspapers, rain, a really gothic looking castle and a clueless couple that get sucked into doing things they’d never speak of in church. Even if their ‘pastor’ greatly resembles the flamboyant individual in fishnets who resides IN the castle and breached our borders so elegantly that not even that pile of orange doo-doo (the real monster in real life) could object. …It’s just a jump to the left..(not the song in question, but part of the whole experience)..

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yep, you got it. (There was never any doubt in my mind, of course.)

      Did I ever tell you the story of getting pulled into the guidance counselor’s office during my sophomore year of high school because she had heard “through the grapevine” that I had been to see Rocky Horror the previous weekend? She wanted to make sure that I was aware that such activity would lead me straight to Hell. I thanked her for the travel advisory and then went to see Rocky again the next weekend…

      Like

      • Sadly I didn’t discover Rocky until I was 22. I’ve been a huge fan ever since (of the ORIGINAL mind you, not that dripping green mess that comprised the ‘remake’. *shudder*) It amuses people to see an almost geriatric doing the ‘Time Warp” again….. 😉 Although “they” would NEVER allow Rocky up here in the sticks. Might corrupt a corn fed virgin or two…

        Like

  11. #2…Drives me nuts! COOKING? SERIOUSLY? HAS ANYONE MET ME?
    The song referenced…hmm. I was thinking about the light of the silvery moon. No good. The light at the end of the tunnel…don’t think that’s a real song. The light in the middle window? No, wait. That was a stupid story I wrote.
    I give up. And my guess would be about touching someone’s button.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I’m fine with folks following me even if their own sites are not especially my cup of tea. But the sites where people rant against the very things I support? Yeah, our relationship is doomed…

      As for the song, it appears that perhaps you have not seen this movie. But that’s okay. We have to have our own outside interests or our relationship will get stale… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Like I said on Anupturnedsoul’s comment, those drive-by likers really get to me. It’s like we’re back in high school and it’s all about who’s the most popular. Making your prom reference all the much sweeter.
    Oh, something I’ve started noticing more and more are people who ‘like’ one of the comments I left on another blog. I go see what the comment was and think, eh, guess it wasn’t too bad. But then I look a little closer and, yep, sure enough, they liked every comment including the one that just said “Nice!”
    Ugh!

    🎵 Let’s do the time warp again 🎵

    (Did I get it?)

    Liked by 2 people

    • It does make one wonder about the logic of the fake-likers. So, you think that your blatant liking overkill, making it obvious that you didn’t read anything, is going to make me WANT to follow you? Au contraire, mon petit muffin. I’m going to run the other way. And yes, the fake-liking on comments seems to be growing. I have one guy (gal? not sure) who shows up on this blog fairly regularly, clicking like on every single comment. I have some stellar folks contributing witty bits, granted, but let’s face it, we’re not all that good all the time.

      “Time Warp” was a good guess, and I can’t tell you how many times I raced to the front of the movie theater to perform such back during my high school days, but it’s not quite the right one. Here’s a clue: The artist who performed the song once had a backup singer/duet partner who has been married to Robby Benson since 1982…

      Liked by 2 people

  13. Enlightening post.
    2. Ran across a couple of those blogging, also a couple of times with my Twitter comments. As a retired teacher, I know not everyone has the same level of reading comprehension, the reader brings meaning & context to the text, but how does MAGA White Jesus disciple like/follow me ?
    3. I noticed that blogs that don’t have like buttons, actually have like buttons when accessed through the Reader. Stealth Likes ?
    8. I did run across one blogger who has multiple blogs – 2 blogs feature original work, under different themes/types of content. The third is specifically for re-blogging other bloggers’ post & news items, that he felt needed a wider audience.
    10. May your void be filled with joy & meaningfulness.

    Bonus: Wild guess. Song – The Old Lamp Lighter”, Movie – Werewolves of 42nd Street Famous line: “Howl long till I see you again Little Sheba Rose ?”

    Liked by 2 people

    • 2. To be fair, the MAGAWJ folks who follow me have already proven by their affiliation that they don’t know how to read, so I suppose I should pity their pitiless efforts. But I don’.t

      3. I’ve noticed this as well but, to be honest, I rarely use the Reader. I’d like to, but it’s a time issue, and most of my “interaction” time is spent simply responding to emails about activity on my blogs, as I’m one of those anal people who gets notifications if someone so much as breathes near my blogs.

      8. True, some folks do have good intentions with “re-post” blogs. (And I have multiple blogs as well, although I’ve been neglecting some of the offshoot experiments lately). But there are some folks who never create their own content, and those folks are usurpers, not bloggers. My humble opinion…

      10. I’m just happy to have my void filled with anything.

      Bonus: You were THISCLOSE to not getting it right at all. But I do appreciate your enthusiasm, and your Participatory Trophy is in the mail… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

    • I rarely revisit as well, but I must confess to following a handful of blogs with pop-ups, as the content, once you get past the annoying opening scene, is really very good. Still and all, not a fan of the pop-up…

      Like

  14. Yes yes yes I got the movie and I think I’m candle number ten😀💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻and just for the record if sometimes you (or others) might have the wrong impression I can be a number seven is only because when I catch up on posts of one single blogger I usually read them all and then like them all together….it’s easier 😎🤓

    Liked by 3 people

  15. Nicely noted, and denoted. I believe that I’m a number 3.1415. So…. you’re an astute observer of the human condition, and you make comments that are sometimes witty, sometimes scathing, and sometimes both 🙂 I’ve been accused of that a couple of times, but nothing’s ever been proven. 😳

    Liked by 2 people

  16. I’ve been looking forward to reading this post since spotting the opening line ‘I’m feeling a bit rascally…….’ So. Eddie. What’s wrong with your Teddy? Number 7 frustrates me too, it’s so disingenuous. I have a couple of strange things going on where I’m getting random likes on old comments I’ve made on other blogs. The same person has liked odd comments here and there on completely unconnected blogs. Feels a bit stalk-ery. I also have stats that have made me nervous my content is being plagiarised. Really odd behaviour coming from one country! And for the first time, I’ve just removed a follower. Nothing suggested they were following me for real and the post titles of their content made me not want the association. So fuck off 7s. Good luck 9s. And bravo 10s, many of who I’ve found here 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • I love it when folks know exactly what I’m talking about when I throw out an obscure movie reference, so you already had my heart with the opening lines of your comment. Swooning, seriously.

      Those random likes on old comments of mine on other blogs are certainly a little quizzical. Part of me hopes that they are just the result of some innocent person falling down an Internet rabbit hole, as I often do, and they really did like the comment. But then I notice the odd patterns that you have noticed and things get a bit suspect. (Just what are you trying to prove, dude?)

      I’ve never actually removed a follower, but I have had some falling-outs with a few followers (that I was mutually following), wherein we went from best of digital buddies to never visiting each other, despite the tenuous connections remaining. And I never removed the negative comments they made because, well, the best way to capture a person’s true personality is to capture their words. That way, other people can see them for what they really are. (I know, it’s petty of me, but if you poke me first…)

      And you are definitely a 10. In fact, you’re on the Bonnywood Manor Executive Board of High-Caliber Patrons, something I just made up but is very real, swear… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  17. The people who like ten posts in a minute drive me nuts. Can’t understand why they do it! Surely they know we know it’s effectively spam? I still much prefer blogs with a like button though!
    2 is so true. If it’s not random political blogs following me, it’s health and beauty blogs! (When I’ve never given any indication I’m interested in makeup or fashion!)
    I love your rants and randomness 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    • I get inundated with the health and beauty and “lifestyle” blogs. Not sure why. I used to think it was because I would include the “vintage” tag with my posts, since I use so many old photos, and the fashion bloggers would follow that tag for a completely different reason. So I stopped using it, but they still keep coming. I’m somewhat curious about what I might be doing that attracts them, but at the same time I may not want to know…

      I’m very happy that you love my rants, even more so the randomness. Life is too short to not go out on a whimsical limb as often as possible… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  18. I once watched in disbelief in real time as my in-box filled – someone was clicking ‘like’ on every single post I’ve ever written. It was kind of creepy. On the other hand maybe those speed reading courses really work.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, that sudden email influx can initially be exciting (“Wow, my new post must be doing really well!”), but a quick analysis reveals it’s just one person being trigger happy, and the thrill fades… 😉

      Like

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