Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #388

Reporter: “Hey, gals. I couldn’t help but notice that you’re all pointing guns at me. Is there something I need to know in this situation?”

Daisy, left: “Oh, sorry. We ain’t tryin’ to kill you or nothin’. We’re just practicin’ so we can be better shooters and improve our datin’ chances.”

Reporter: “I see. And do you often do this practicing in the courtyard of the university library?”

Maisie, middle: “Well, they won’t let us practice at the shootin’ range with the guys, so we have to make do. Those gargoyles on the corners of the library roof make really swell targets. And it makes Jesus feel better if we shoot demons.”

Reporter: “Interesting. But do you really think you’re assuming the right position to be shooting at Jesus-pleasing objects? Crossing your legs and wearing bad perms seems like it might throw your concentration off. Have you taken any training courses? More importantly, are you authorized in any way to carry a gun?”

Casey, right: “Are you kidding? This is Texas. The doctor in the operating room hands you a gun permit when you shoot out of the womb. There’s a box for him to check on the birth certificate and everything.”

Reporter: “Sounds like Texas is another one of those states where they don’t understand the Second Amendment.”

Daisy: “Are you makin’ fun of our state?”

Reporter: “Well, it’s a pretty easy target.”

Maisie: “You’re startin’ to piss me off, Reporter Man. You know what else is an easy target? Your ass.”

Reporter: “That sounds real Christian of you.”

Casey: “Of course it sounds Christian. Jesus wants us to have guns. It’s right there in the King James Version of the Constitution.”

Reporter: “Hmm. I’ve never read that version. Have you read the real version? You know, the one that actually counts.”

Daisy: “This is Texas. We don’t have to read anything we don’t want to. It’s one of the state laws, like every woman has to own hairspray, every man has to own a pickup, and you never do nothin’ that might interfere with the high-school football games on Friday night.”

Reporter: “I think I’m just going to let this situation go. It’s not really fair to take advantage of folks who don’t know any better.”

Maisie: “Are you still makin’ fun of us?”

Reporter: “I don’t have to. I think the buckshot in the gargoyle statues says it all.”


Originally published in “Crusty Pie”. Modified somewhat for this post.


8 replies »

  1. And here I was pondering how such um…er… ah INTERESTING looking people got photographed at all. That one in the middle (Maisie is it?) would shatter glass if she grinned just right. I can say those kind of mean things because I too am an “interesting” looking woman. Maybe it’s the hairstyles these persons sported. Some things are truly best left in the past, aren’t they??

    No comment on gun control nor the NRA nor the woefully inadequate laws governing either. Just about anyone can get a gun, can’t they? Scary shit.

    Lastly. Are you sure this trio of ‘lovelies’ isn’t regretting the ‘two fer one beer pitchur special’ at Bubba’s Come On Inn Y’all Tavern and 4-H Club? The way at least two of them are crossing their legs tells me, who suffers from a skittish bladder too, that somebody has to pee. Right NOW. I hope the quad sports a ladies room within hoppin’ distance.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Well, in defense of the ladies, not that I want to defend them, I’m one of those people who simply cannot appear pleasing in a photo. There’s something fundamentally wrong with my aura, and I always end up looking like that drunkard uncle who hasn’t bathed in a while. Perhaps it’s karma of some sort?

      I fully accept your non-commentary on gun control. I’m constantly shaking my head at the ease of availability of such…

      Now that you mention it, I do sense the bladder discomfort. And that’s yet another reason why they should not have access to weaponry. Or chemical hair treatments…


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