10 Reasons Why

30 Fun Things to Say to a Complete Stranger on an Elevator

1. Thank you for choosing to fly with us today.

2. You know, it’s proper etiquette that you knock before you just barge in here.

3. What are your thoughts on public nudity?

4. Did you know that serial killers really like to push buttons that light up?

5. I don’t understand why it’s never the right floor when the doors open.

6. Because I’m free. Free as I’ll ever be.

7. Will you be my Facebook friend?

8. I couldn’t help but noticing that both of your shoes are the same color.

9. I sure hope the oxygen masks work this time.

10. If you stop on every floor, you get a candy bar.

11. We go together, like rama lama lama ka dinga da dinga dong. We sure do.

12. I would have taken the stairs, but Jesus told me I shouldn’t. Not today.

14. Would you like the rest of my bagel?

15. If the elevator falls, and you jump at just the right time, you won’t get hurt.

16. I don’t understand the difference between rice pudding and tapioca pudding.

17. Did you know that 4 out of 5 dentists recommended my gum?

18. Well, at least the mother ship can’t track me in here.

19. Would you mind if I interviewed you for my website?

20. In certain Asian cultures, it’s traditional to exchange parting gifts.

21. This is the only part of the day when I’m not allowed to drink.

22. I finally found out what a disco stick is. If you pay me five bucks, I’ll tell you.

23. I bet I could lay down on this floor and touch all four walls.

24. You never know where you’re gonna get a rash.

25. I hope they don’t lose my luggage again.

26. Why would anyone be proud of being a walrus?

27. It’s okay if you don’t want to say anything and just stare at the floor. I’ll understand. I’m just as embarrassed about what happened that day at the Piggly Wiggly as you are.

28. Did you notice that there’s not a #13 on this list?

29. I’m so glad we had this time together. Just to have a laugh, or sing a song. Even though you don’t seem to be laughing. Or singing. But still, ear tug.

30. If you concentrate really hard, you can feel the building moving instead of us. They don’t want you to know that part.

31. I’m still trying to figure out where I’m supposed to put my money.

 

Note: Please excuse my triple-dipping with this one (it’s the third time I’ve shared it on this blog), but it’s been a hectic week here at Bonnywood. I just wanted to get a little something out there so y’all don’t give up on me and flee the Manor, speaking unkindly of me at the next social gala. (Ida Belle: “Whatever did we see in that wretched and repetitive Brian?” Corny Jean: “I have no idea. Perhaps it was the free beverages during cocktail hour?” Ida Belle: “Ah, could be. I’ve made many poor decisions whilst guzzling a sloe gin fizz.”)

Hopefully, things will settle down soon and we can return to fresh programming and generalized absurdity. (Special shout out to Melanie: I’ll post your lovely submissions soon, pinky swear.)

 

49 replies »

    • Your additions are exquisite. And one of them reminds me of a post in the archives wherein I experienced the largest gas bubble known to mankind. I may have to drag that out as a tribute to your comment… 😉

      Like

    • Okay, fine. I fully admit that I lied to you about the cameras. But don’t take it personally. It was really more of vanity impulse on my part. I couldn’t have you looking better than me in the tabloid screen captures…

      Like

  1. One or two additions I thought of. Not that you asked, nor that they were needed, but well. Bored.

    I’m claustrophobic and even one other person in here might send me into a screaming fit. Don’t take it personally, but make sure i can’t grab any pointy objects you might have about your person.

    Is it me or does this feel like deja vu?

    Hey you twerp, you’re crowding Melvin!! Nobody else in here? He’s right there, he’s 18 feet tall and purple and a rabbit. Whaddya mean you can’t see him? He’s my bestest buddy in all the world… (sing “It’s a Small World After All”) and see how long it takes the other person to hastily exit the elevator.

    Liked by 2 people

    • As usual, I have the overwhelming feeling that if the two of us ever get together in the same time-space continuum, we will be getting into terrific loads of trouble. Especially if one of us still has some room financial wiggle-room left on a credit card. Let’s storm the castle!

      Like

  2. Number 15: I have actually said that to someone on an elevator. Number 26: The credits for Avengers: Endgame list someone whose name is Casey “Walrus” Howard. I’m thinking he’s proud of being a Walrus!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Note to self: Do not ever ride in an elevator with someone who has an inordinate fondness for classical jazz. Something wicked that way comes. Said with complete admiration, of course… 😉

      Like

  3. I’d love to be brave enough to try these out! Years ago I was waiting for a lift with my friend and her twin babies. As the doors opened, we were warned that when the doors closed, the lights went out. Some people bailed and used the stairs, but we had no choice given the twin pram. We got ourselves inside, the doors closed, the lights went out. Pitch black. A deep voice from the back growled;
    ‘Then there were six’! I may have done that jumping thing. 😬

    Liked by 2 people

    • Whilst I admire your noble bravery with the twin pram, I would NEVER have gotten on that elevator if given such a warning. I have an issue with tight spaces as it is, and the thought of a DARK tight space? No. Not happening… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

    • Well, I’m tempted to say that “the third time’s the charm”, but then I remind myself that in some states it’s “three strikes are you’re out” when it comes to convictions for public nudity so, yeah, there’s that… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

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