I really meant to be fully (or at least mostly) packed by this evening. We don’t actually get on a plane for another four days but, if you haven’t noticed by now, I can get a little anxious about certain things, and one of those triggers is being in a foreign country and not having the exact thing that I need at the very moment that I need it. It makes me itchy.
Another trigger is suddenly realizing, two hours before we’re supposed to be at the airport, that I have completely forgotten about something ultra-important that should be tucked in my luggage but it has completely slipped my mind. (Underwear, for instance. Most sane people would have tended to this task during the most preliminary phases of packing. Then again, I have a history of not following proper protocol when it comes to underwear. But we’ll chat about that some other time. Maybe.)
End result, I did a trial run a few hours ago, and I learned a few things. One is that I need to hit a few stores in the next few days, as the domestic inventory has proven lacking in critical areas, which means I have to deal with people I don’t want to deal with and will probably write dark poetry afterwards. Two, and more importantly, packing when one doesn’t really have to pack yet lacks a certain degree of necessary investment.
I quickly lost interest, and now the guest bed is littered with 700 optional items which need to be whittled down to 50 or so. (The modest suitcase I am taking has two items placed lovingly inside, a voltage adapter so I don’t electrocute myself when I plug in my Kindle and a cache of Gas-X caplets. Apparently, I plan to read a lot of books and eat a lot of fried foods, apparently whilst completely naked. Then again, I have a history of…) The carry-on is completely empty. Maybe I’ll leave it that way, just to confuse the Security people when they scan my bags. (“Earline, come look at this. You think we need to call maintenance?”)
Speaking of Gas-X, I’m in the midst of Medication Flux. Although I joke quite often about my anxiety, I really do have issues. (Official Diagnosis: Generalized Anxiety Disorder, which is a rather drab and non-flashy bit of terminology, but it’s the real deal. There are many causal factors that can lead one to such a condition, but basically my mind and body have dealt with severe stress for so long that I no longer process input in a “normal” (if there is such a thing anymore) way. Without medication, the stress builds until it presents physically and I can end up in an Emergency Room. It’s not pretty, and, as my doctors keep warning me during those periods when I think I can go without the pills and I stupidly don’t take them (because they can make me foggy and I don’t care for that), I will be on medication for the rest of my life.
That turned out to be a rather serious paragraph. I didn’t really mean to go that far but, at the same time, none of us should be ashamed about discussing what we are and how we’re made. Ignoring reality and pretending that everything is just fine because we are afraid of “social stigma” leads to even more complications. The more we talk, the more we share, the more we embrace all the myriad, splintered, kaleidoscopic, divergent pathways of our lives, the closer we get to the Inclusive Society that we all deserve and away from the bitter, vindictive disregard that some wretched fools still have for anything that they don’t see in their own mirror.
Well, then. I had intended to throw out a few more amusing anecdotes in this session, but it no longer seems appropriate. (Those of you craving more details about the Medication Flux that I hinted at will have to wait a bit. Trust that it involved an experimental adjustment to my anxiety meds following a cancer scare that eventually proved benign, wherein I got a bit loopy and I may or may not have worn underwear when I did a few things that were not fully vetted before I did them.)
I’d rather end with this: Here at Bonnywood Manor, we welcome everyone who sees more than just themselves in the mirror, who appreciates all the colors and all the journeys, who realizes that the best way to rise above is to bring everyone with you, hands joined. Sure, we may have some disagreements, but as long as those disagreements lead to dialogue and honest resolution, well, we’ll eventually get that suitcase packed for our next adventure…
Categories: My Life