Communique from Cómpeta – #17

Pablo de Pato, left: “This must be one of the humans’ weapons of mass destruction.”

Ducky Bob, right: “People actually have those things? I thought WMD’s were something that American presidents made up when they wanted to go to war with smaller nations just to boost their popularity rankings.”

Pablo: “No, they are very real. They used something like this during the Kumquat Massacre in 1987.”

Ducky Bob: “I’ve never heard of that. I think this is one of those times when you say crap just to say it, like those boring ducks at parties who get a bill full of vodka and then won’t shut up about going vegan or socialism or some stupid podcast that nobody else cares about.”

Pablo: “I’m telling you, this is a weapon. It smells of death and destruction.”

Ducky Bob: “It smells likes Reynaldo’s Casa de Hamburguesas.”

Pablo: “They are going to use this to destroy us.”

Ducky Bob: “I think they already used it. To make dinner.”

Pablo: “Why must you always argue? Why can’t you support me in this campaign to destroy the vacationing interlopers?”

Ducky Bob: “Why can’t you just take your medication like everybody keeps telling you to take it? It’s all over town, Pablo. Everybody knows about your demons. There’s no shame in chemical regulation.”

Pablo: “Those pills make me stupid.”

Ducky Bob: “Right, it’s the pills that are doing that. Uh huh.”

Pablo: “We must destroy the Death Contraption of Death.”

Ducky Bob: “And how are we going to do that? It’s about 500 times bigger than we are.”

Pablo: “I looked it up on the Internet. We’re going to need a lot of fertilizer and a tube of personal lubricant.”

Ducky Bob: “Um, are you sure about that? Something tells me you might have clicked on a few things you shouldn’t have. Like a pornography site for farmers.”

Suddenly, voices could be heard in the Villa behind them.

Pablo gasped. “The humans are coming! We must run and hide until we can acquire the fertilizer. I already have the lubricant.”

Ducky Bob: “Of course you already have it. And where do you propose that we hide? We’ve got roughly two seconds before someone wants to throw a shrimp on the barbie.”

Pablo: “Over there! On the yellow patio lounger where the humans slather themselves with coconut oil and baste themselves. We’ll blend right in.”

Ducky Bob: “I’m not so sure about that…”

Pablo: “Trust me. They’ll never see us.”

Ducky Bob: “Fine. Let’s do it. But for the record, this might not work out the way you think it’s going to work out if we choose this option. Just like the American elections.”

Pablo: “You need to shut up and sit still and don’t move. Just like too many American citizens.”

Ducky Bob: “I have a bad feeling about this…”



To be continued…


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