Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #573

Note: After Donald Trump’s recent ludicrous “Fourth of July” spectacle of vanity and self-involvement, wherein he displayed a level of ignorance about American history so profound that even kindergartners threw down their juice boxes in disgust, I thought it best to pull this one out of the archives…

 

In an alternate reality, one much closer to the truth than he will ever admit, Donald Trump prepares for his next press conference.

In the background, nearly hidden behind whatever that odd pole-thing is supposed to be, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, current White House Press Secretary, gnashes her teeth. “This isn’t fair. I’m the one who has dutifully lied repeatedly about his malfeasance and I’ve been bitchy to all the people who are trying to trip me up with the truth. Why is he kicking me out of the spotlight?”

Seated next to Lying Sarah and her non-qualification to speak truthfully about anything, we have Sean Spicer, former White House Press Secretary and acknowledged expert on running to hide in the bushes when his own lies have been exposed: “Oh, honey, you can’t expect unwavering support from the Trump Administration. The very second you get out of synch with Donald’s psychotic, constantly-changing policy directives your passport in Trump-Land is immediately revoked.”

Sarah: “But if he replaces me, where will I go? What will I do? The only skill I have is ass-kissing with the velocity of a woodpecker.”

Sean: “You can always be a spokes-model for Fox News. That’s where all the failed Republicans go when the NRA stops funding them.”

Assistant Director, also known as Jared Kushner, husband of Ivanka the Current Meme-Goddess: “Quiet on the set! The Donald is about to speak. And turn off your cell phones, because we don’t want any record of what he might say in case it complicates any of the 417 lawsuits against his inability to be a decent human being.”

Donaldine, feeling very pretty, as he always does: “I’m ready for my close-up, Mr. Bannon.”

Steve Bannon, right-wing extremist and master of hoaxes, looking like a drunken bum as he always does: “I’m sure you are, because I groomed you that way. Now, look into my eyes and let me mesmerize you with my latest thoughts on how you can further destroy decency in America.”

Innocent bystander off to the left, not included in the group photo due to copyright issues: “Is this really happening? Is this how American politics works?”

Bernie Sanders, not included in the photo because some Democrats are afraid of progress: “Well, yeah, ever since the Supreme Court made that insipid Citizens United ruling.”

Bystander: “I don’t really understand what that means.”

Bernie: “And therein lies the problem. And the reason why an absolute moron is sitting in the White House, trying to make America Hate Again.”

Dorothy, also not included, which is a theme of the Trump Administration, clicking her heels together three times: “I just want to go home again.”

Toto, her little dog, too: “This post is filled with so many bizarre references that I don’t know whether to fish or cut bait.”

Brian, the writer: “Welcome to Bonnywood. Would you like one of my anxiety pills? I have plenty.”

 

Previously published in “Crusty Pie”. Modified somewhat for this post.

 

And since I’m in a rather giving mood, here’s a link to a CNN video that explains the Ivanka Meme reference:

https://www.cnn.com/videos/politics/2019/07/02/hashtag-unwanted-ivanka-trump-memes-twitter-moos-pkg-ebof-vpx.cnn

I think it’s hysterical. But then again, I’m a little twisted…

 

20 replies »

    • Oh, I didn’t catch the Lucy similarity until now, and it IS rather striking. But this photo is of Marlene Dietrich, on the set of “Flame of New Orleans”. Of course, it’s entirely possible that I didn’t get your reference, which wouldn’t surprise any of the therapists that I probably should have seen by this point in my life…

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Since I got rid of cable TV and mmediately turn off the radio whenever I heard that idiot’s voice, I hadn’t known about the debacle on the 4th. Called my sister and we laughed and cried at the same time. Some of the Ivanka ribbing is cruel, but perhaps she now has an inkling that she’s not all that bright. Especially when trying to insert herself into a conversation without invitation on subjects way, way above her pay grade with minds and personalities serious about world conditions. I’m still stuck on Randy Rainbow and Melissa McCarthy’s Sean Spicer SNL performances as the best out there when it comes to political ribbing. Take it away Melissa: https://www.tmz.com/2017/02/05/snl-melissa-mccarthy-sean-spicer/

    Liked by 2 people

    • In my humble opinion, Ivanka deserves all the ribbing. She’s completely unqualified yet acts as if she can do no wrong, just like her daddy. The sadly tragic bit about this whole mess is how the integrity of the United States is being desecrated by a bigot and his offspring.

      That aside, I really enjoyed the video. I’d somehow managed to miss it over the years (isn’t it stunning that we’ve had a Trump administration for years instead of the two days it should have lasted?) and it was perfectly spot-on. If only certain parts of the country could grasp the reality for what it is…

      Liked by 1 person

  2. 69 likes so far, well done. I find that I am taking days off from Trump lately but I enjoyed this humor post. Days off from the circus are healthy. I am studying another president, the 16th one and he is one I can respect, and learn from.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. This deserved a re-airing. Well played.
    Did you hear how his tweets are considered part of the presidential records by National Archives? At first I was horrified, but then I got to thinking — if they’re all collected and displayed together, imagine how idiotic he’ll look then. Oh, and what if he gets a library — Good God, would he get a library?! — it’d be filled with his tweets and… what else? He already admitted he doesn’t read. (Brian, this sounds like a post you could sink your teeth into! Run with it!)

    Liked by 2 people

    • First, the sad part? He’ll get a presidential library. They all do. I’m assuming it will be located in one of his hotels, so he can generate personal revenue even though doing so violates the Hampstead Act…

      I would love to sink my teeth into such a post, but I don’t know if my admittedly-limited retirement dental plan would cover the damage…

      Liked by 1 person

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