Humor

Almost Wordless Wednesday

Your mission, should you accept: Write a caption for this photo. Since this is Bonnywood, absurdity and randomness should be key elements in your prose. Ready? Go!

Wait, no, don’t just click like and go on with your life. Write something. You know you have it in you. It would please me. You do want to please me, don’t you? Of course you do.

Okay, fine. I’ll help you out. This was taken in Spain, at the villa where we consumed massive amounts of alcohol and severely tested the SPF factors of our various sunscreen lubricants whilst floating in the pool. We weren’t drinking at the time (it was 9am or some such), but don’t let that stop you from including libations in your creative ditty. Because really, it wouldn’t be far from the truth.

Feeling inspired now? Itching to pontificate? Hoping that this will, at last, be the superbly witty comment that goes viral and lands you a guest spot on the Ellen DeGeneres show?

Release the kraken, my friends. Release it!

Cheers.

 

Photo Credit: The lovely Ruth “Raz” Aten-Shearwood, the one with the shockingly-chic bow on her chapeau. Grooming and accessories by Givenchy de la Renta.

 

50 replies »

  1. After having escaped the handmaid harem of The Orange Tantalus (aka Donnie T), Happy, Stache, Toothsome and Red all celebrated vigorously by consuming large amounts of root beer (the OT doesn’t allow belching or farting; he believes that there can only be one gasbag at a time), checking each other for ticks and Skyping their moms while wearing their getaway headgear. 😉

    That’s all I got. 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

    • It’s almost as if you were right there in the same room with us. Wait, maybe you were. Do you have an alibi for June 20th of this year? And if you do, can you share it with me? Because I don’t have anything to explain what we did later that day… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

    • Ok – I’ve now finished my coffee and this is what I have ….

      At this point Nancy began to suspect that Nigel had found the container in the basement fridge labelled ‘Experimental’ and worried about the shenanigans that were undoubtedly about to occur. Should the local villagers be warned about what could be ahead?… or dared she hope it was going to be a minor blip and that soon they would all be face down asleep in the grass with no one the wiser about her secret experiments.

      Liked by 4 people

    • Sadly, the efforts of both Nancy and Nigel soon proved fruitless, despite their varied agendas, when a lonely goat-herder arrived at the villa and began singing an accusatory song about what actually transpired. As the herder harmonized with the goats behind him, the other two miscreants in the photo, Nick and Nora, managed to slip out a back door that no one had noticed before, and they escaped to Austria and eventually opened a bed and breakfast inn that proved quite successful…

      Like

  2. ‘Hold still everybody. If we don’t acknowledge the UFOs, they may just leave us be.’

    OR

    Ruth; ‘And there’s us thinking we wouldn’t all squeeze into this hot-tub. Those water jets are rather refreshing aren’t they?’

    Brian; ’That’s not a water jet…….’

    Liked by 4 people

    • Ruth: “I think it’s finally time that we talk about your inability to function as an adult.”

      Brian: “Whatever do you mean?”

      UFO Commander: “She means you’re a twit who shouldn’t have access to a keyboard.”

      Brian: “Oh, right. I hear that a lot.”

      Liked by 1 person

  3. “She’s alive!” Those are the words of the adoring neophytes who, on their initiation to the Friends of Carmen Miranda Club, accidentally slipped on carelessly abandoned sunscreen lotion as they crowded around her poolside cabana. The aging, yet nubile Miranda was helpless to avoid their crush, and subsequently trampled under-flip-flopped foot.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Carmen: “This isn’t fair! Why am I being transgressed upon during the Adoration Ceremony?”

      Brian: “Is that a question that anybody has ever really asked?”

      Sunscreen Lotion: “Oh, it happens more often than you realize.”

      Flip-Flop: “My work here is done.”

      Liked by 1 person

    • LL Bean Spokesperson: “How did the four of you gain access to our Summer Collection before the official debut in Milan?”

      Brian: “Um, there might have been some drinking. And some promising of sexual favors.”

      Spokesperson: “Oh, that happens all the time in the fashion industry. Case dismissed.”

      Like

  4. Once upon a time, there lived four lively detectives who made up the Happy Hat Squad Detective Agency. One day, after one of their infamous pool parties, they realized they’d drunk the entire city’s supply of precious gin. This day was particularly sunny with temps in the low 100s. They donned their happy hats so they wouldn’t burn in the hellish heat, and hopped up on after party bloody marys, they ventured out to detect as many wild juniper berries as they could collect in their wicker baskets. They were ecstatic and grateful when they found enough of the lovely berries to produce their own illicit gin in their giant bathtub! They vowed to have a party to celebrate their good fortune, and there they’d serve oodles of their delicious, homemade libation. On the invitations, the dress code said hats required. The bigger, and more ostentatious the hats, the better! After all, what kind of happy, gin swigging hat squad would they be if they didn’t require such!

    Liked by 2 people

    • And then the commandant of the local police force arrived. “I understand that some of you have been plucking berries when you shouldn’t have.”

      Brian: “Well, we might have done that. But you can’t really prove anything.”

      Commandant: “You all smell like juicy berries. And wicker baskets.”

      Brian: “I get that a lot. Thank you for the compliment.”

      Commandant: “It’s not a compliment. It’s an indictment.”

      Brian: “Oh. Hmm. How can we work this situation out so that none of us are convicted?”

      Commandant: “Could you loan me one of your hats? I don’t have anything to wear to the local Pride Parade.”

      Brian: “Done.”

      Liked by 2 people

  5. Dr. Funk Hand, DDS has been named in a suit brought by Ms. Millicent Discontent, proprietress of Ms. Millicent’s Millinery Shop. Ms.Millicent claims that Dr. Hand’s new ad for dentures, braces, spaces and his elixir for halitosis (see above photo) is actually an exact copy of her ad for straw hats.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. “Doc, it’s a nightmare that will not end. Every time I open my eyes, I see them—hovering over me, speaking in tongues, reeking of garlic and sunburn. On their heads are straw edifices that surely only Satan could manufacture. For the love of God, Doc, free me from this delirium . . . make them go away!”

    Liked by 3 people

    • Doctor: “You might find this a bit forward of me, but perhaps if you weren’t such an absolute idiot, people might have more respect for you and treat you in a better manner.”

      Trump: “I don’t understand what you mean…”

      Liked by 2 people

    • Quite lovely, really. And it would fit in perfectly with another snap I have from this experience, a shot of one of the toilets for patrons at this “art exhibit”. It’s clear acrylic, so you business is on full display. (The set was designed by Poo-Pourri, not joking.) I should probably dig that out and share it, although I might save it for another post, as my mind is now clicking with an absurd story I could fashion around it…

      Liked by 1 person

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