Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #363

Dick: “Now, now, my pet. There’s no reason to be so blue.”

Ruby: “But you don’t understand. I really wanted to get that part. I practiced and practiced for at least fifteen minutes!”

Dick: “Well, sometimes things just don’t work out. Perhaps it wasn’t meant to be. But if you’ll allow me to offer a bit of advice…”

Ruby: “Now you sound like that horrid woman at the free clinic on Houston Street. She was so mean about my sexual history.”

Dick: “Oh. I didn’t realize that you had been to such a place, or that you actually have a sexual history. I thought I was the first man to… cultivate your garden.”

Ruby: “You were the first. At least that night. I may have misled you about the details.”

Dick: “I see. Well, I suppose I can discuss this with my therapist in the morning, but until then my focus is on you, now that you’ve been cast aside by the casting director. Maybe next time we shouldn’t wear the short-shorts that advertise your apparently well-tended garden?”

Ruby: “But I have lovely legs. Why shouldn’t I show them off?”

Dick: “But you were auditioning for the part of a woman in a wheelchair. Did you really think it was wise to do the splits during your monologue?”

Ruby: “Well, you might have a point. And it probably didn’t help that I had the URL for my website printed on my panties. That might have been taken in the wrong way.”

Dick: “Precisely. Sometimes subtlety is the better path. Speaking of which, could I also suggest that you might want to rethink having your entourage of friends hover backstage whilst wearing outfits that make it look like they are waiting for Andrew Lloyd Webber to compose the music for ‘Cats’?”


Previously published in “Crusty Pie” and “Bonnywood Manor”. No changes made, as I am woefully behind once again with my timely responses to your lovely comments on the preceding posts. Since this is a long holiday weekend, I plan to catch up on those dangling threads. (Of course, this is most likely a lie, but we’ll see.)


10 replies »

  1. Ruby: Did they forget to pay the heating bill AGAIN? I’m COLD.
    Dick: Yes dear. I knew that even before you grabbed yourself and wore an outfit that could definitely fall in the ‘does not match top and bottom” category. That’s a most interesting shade of blue you’ve turned as well!
    Ruby: Well it’s made me petulant, as you can see by my thinned out lips and crabby demeanor. Plus being spied upon by those odd pussy creatures that are peeking around that wall that isn’t going to stand the test of time, let alone the next five minutes. Serves them right for spying!!
    Dick: Those are your sisters in the chorus line dear. Stop being bitchy.
    Ruby: Oh shut up and find me something to put on my lower half. As I said it’s COLD!!
    Dick: My wish is your command…or wait. Shouldn’t that be….
    Ruby. Shut up please. WARDROBE??!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Suddenly, Dr. Ruth walked onto the set. “I sense discord. How can I help?”

      Ruby: “I don’t know that word. And I don’t know you. How did you get past security?”

      Dr. Ruth: “I’m short. I simply walked under the laser beams and my presence didn’t register.”

      Dick: “Then you know how I feel in this relationship.”


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