A few weeks ago, I shared a post wherein I mangled classic book titles and provided a twist on the stories that those books didn’t really tell. In the course of my sad desperation to create an interesting experience, I challenged folks to come up with their own subversions. Many of you did, and the results were so creative and witty that I feel compelled to highlight the submissions. (I also went back and snagged the contributions from the previous airings of this piece, thus negating my sin of promising those folks that I would so and then I never did. Until now.)
Herewith, a Cavalcade of Clever Contortions of the Classics. I am providing links to each participant’s own treasure troves, as all of them have admirable sites worthy of your perusal and potential-follow contemplation. Enjoy.
Lynette D’Arty-Cross at “In the Net!”
1. Moby’s Dick – the delightful coming-of-age story of a boy and his tail. Er, whale.
2.Madame Ovary – laugh-out-loud romp about a 40-year-old woman who discovers that yes, affairs can lead to pregnancy.
3. Franken’s Stein – tragic, timely story of a man who drinks too much beer and forgets to tighten the bolt in his neck before going to vote.
4. Robinson’s Cruise – after surviving a terrifying plane crash, Robinson finds himself stranded on a small island with an actor named Tom and a lonely soccer ball. Greatest buddy film since The Full Monty.
5. Trumpeo and Putinette – a breathtaking story of cross-eyed love as they meet, fall in love, and then find out that their families are sworn enemies. Watch for the romantic balcony scene where Putinette climbs Trumpeo’s hair to reach his bedroom.
Melanie at “Sparks from a Combustible Mind”
Note: The delightful Melanie contributed to both versions of the post, so she gets two sections.
A Christmas Peril: A cautionary tale for those entitled and overly burdened with too much wealth. You just never know when the past may come back to ‘haunt’ you. Use common sense and compassion and avoid the rush.
To Kill A Mocking Jay: An unsavory blending of a must read classic and a modern tale of privilege and starvation and the lengths to which some writers will go with their futuristic tales of supposed games to earn one wealth and fame. Depressingly that futuristic ‘society’ doesn’t look all that different from ground zero today.
For Whom The Ringie Thingie Tolls: Um. Make up your own caption. I’ve actually never read this particular book (not that it exists. Not with THAT title. Someone actually went to school and paid attention who wrote it. I think.)
Our Wasted Town: A play, so this would be a parody of a script I suppose. Utopian frolics in a place that never was, except in the imagination of writers. Who are the best of persons. It’s beautiful there and peaceful, something modern day America will never ever realize again, not as long as ugly men with fake tans that can be seen from outer space, continue to hog the Tweets and act moronically. Well we are what we are, aren’t we?
Oliver Twisted (well YOU started it with David and his Cop ‘er Feel) – A sordid tale of a young fellow caught up in the seamy world of S&M. His “master” is a perverted fellow who enjoys showing young people the ropes (no pun meant, but there it is all the same 😉 )
Tom Saw ‘er – A coming of age story about an unruly young chap who is over-stimulated by the dubious charms of Becky – a girl/woman who is an expert at the art of the tease and never deliver. Voyeuristic adventure ensues as Tom refuses to be thwarted.
Grapes of Rash – A depressing saga about some Okies (oops. Ain’t kin to ya, are they?) who decide California might provide a better future than the dusty environs from which they’ve sprung. Despite “no jobs here” and “visitors most definitely NOT WELCOME” signs along their surprisingly dusty trail (doesn’t that stuff EVER wash off??), the hearty bunch endure and press on; gamely fighting toward their goal. Alma (the matriarch) develops a wicked rash which she claims she got from making in the bushes, but everyone knows it was actually that travelling snake oil salesman that gave it to her. Maybe from making in the bushes…
Cannery ‘Ho. – Another tale from the Great Depression era, making readers wonder mightily about the fixation this author had on that time. Cannery ‘Ho is the pre-cursor to such television sagas as “Dallas” and “Falcon Crest”, because Cannery weaves several short stories together to make a whole novel (trying to hit 30,000+ words is a bitch sometimes). Cannery ‘Ho is about Salmanella, a lusty young woman who lives in one of the abandoned fish canneries along the row, and who starts the first red light establishment in that community. She is paid in whatever currency her customers can scrape together. She has a true heart of gold and keeps it firmly tucked between her ponderous assets, which the men of the community (and that one strange woman who lives in an old shoe factory on the edge of town) lust after. As is the trend in such sagas, there is no happy ending, merely real life as many know it.
Obbverse at “obbverse”
A Loonys Misadventures In Greenland- Deluded child/man goes bat-shit crazy in an unfortunately all too real and twisted universe.
Claudette at “Ceenoa”
Old Macdonald had a Pharmacy – The sad, but true tale, of the decline in rural agriculture, which forced one Old Man to convert his cow byre into a den of iniquity to create horse.
Mistermuse at “The Observation Post”
BAD DAY AT WEDLOCK, based on the movie which was based on the story BAD TIME AT HONDA, which might account for the BAD DAY AT WEDLOCK if the lovers couldn’t wait till they got to the motel on their wedding night and made bed time on the back seat of their Honda? It would’ve been especially bad if they weren’t in Accord.
Osyth at “Half Baked in Paradise”
‘Valley of the Trolls’ – A mockumentary on living in social media world.
‘The Hound of Music’ – A soft hearted French hunter turns vegan when he comes across tail-less Tou-Tou in the woods, left mercilessly to rot by heartless Gaston. Our canine discovers his voice as his strength returns under the tender care of Philippe (there must always be a Philippe) and his beauteous baying takes the unlikely duo to le fête de musique de la Tour du Pin where they perform a medley dressed in strangely attractive costumes crafted from Philippe’s mother’s best bedroom curtains. She is sadly less than amused and employs Gaston to hunt them down. Hidden in the crypt of the local supermarket, the drama crescendos … includes evergreen classics ‘I’ll do Vice’ ‘Doe a Deer (I’ll shoot that deer)’ and ‘My Rear’ – our canine hero’s achingly sad lament on being Manx
‘Black Narcissist – POTUS 45 meets Brer Fox
‘Some like it Shot’ – Gaston returns, this time hunting for love ….
Thusly ends another random voyage here at Bonnywood, with the ship guided by seven crazed minds instead of the usual one. As mentioned, please visit the sites of the guest captains, if you have the time, as you will not be disappointed. We’re all in this together, right? Support and uplift your neighbors.