Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #321

Judy: “Do you see what’s going on over there?”

Gene: “Do you mean the people who are staring at us for wearing ridiculous outfits?”

Judy: “No, not them. Wait, why do you think our outfits are ridiculous? These are custom made.”

Gene: “I have dice for nipples. And we both have stupid straw hats that have just never looked good on anybody throughout the history of the world.”

Judy: “Well, for the nipple angle, they have me strapped in a vaguely Asian gown that gives the impression that I don’t actually have breasts, so neither of our chests has been given any respect. And I’m with you on the straw hats. I took mine off before the director hollered ‘action’. But no, I’m talking about those people over there who are watching Fox News while they drink beer and eat corny dogs. That just can’t lead to anything good.”

Gene: “True enough. There are some odd characters in this place. Like this guy over my left shoulder.”

Judy: “Who is he?”

Gene: “No idea. But based on what I’m currently feeling on my backside, he’s overly fond of my dicey nipples…”


Previously published in “Crusty Pie” and “Bonnywood Manor”. Slight changes made for this post. On a more current note, I have a dentist appointment for tomorrow afternoon, an event that fills me with absolute horror and dread. It’s just a regular cleaning, but these things often end with someone saying something along the lines of “oh look, three of your teeth are not playing well with the others and we must rip them out with a chainsaw and replace them with fake teeth that will break loose in a few years and we will have to do this all over again. It will only cost you a mere 3,000 dollars, surely you have that kind of cash just lying around unused, yes?”

Sigh. At the very least, I should be able to get a blog post out of it, so there’s that.



18 replies »

  1. For most of my life a dentist visit caused me to live in dread with a constant internal scream. Anesthesia never worked and I have a mouthful of fillings. About five years ago, I dared to make an appointment with someone new. Chose the dental group from their ad “We baby chickens” and have never been sorry. They’ve got it figured out. No pain. It’s actually a joy to have an appointment. Find someone who babies chickens.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Love your sense of humor, thanks for my first chuckle of the day.

    Insofar as dentists, due to not having dental insurance, I haven’t been to a dentist in 15 years. When I went a month ago, after x-rays and a cleaning, he said my teeth were in good shape. Except, I could use braces for shifting of teeth. Yep, that would’ve cost over 2k. I decided to use an old mouth guard (15 yrs. old) to keep me from clenching my teeth during the night. Hope your visit went well!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I fully understand about the insurance angle. I have it, but it’s the “retirement” version from my days at Verizon. They don’t cover a lot of things, although I suppose I should be grateful for any coverage. So every dental visit becomes a balance of what I can afford and what I can’t. Luckily, on this visit, they didn’t find anything needing further attention, other than to note that I’m not the greatest when it comes to flossing… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I had something witty right on tap, and then you remarked about the evil D-word and all thought went right out of my head. I have a back molar (one of the two I have left back there..) that’s being testy and so your remark about the allegedly innocent cleaning freaked me out. I’ll be going to my own soon enough if that molar has anything to say about it. They’re still on at me to buy two implants (or post and crown affairs) where I have gaps in my dentition due to inept evil Ds. Do I trust a D? Not on your nelly. But my current one has nitrous oxide on tap. That always helps…

    Liked by 1 person

    • On this visit, the technician did bring up my own gap, the result of having a tooth extracted after it broke in half many years ago. She urged pursuing an implant. I urged the not pursuing, because I don’t have three thousand dollars to cover the cost of such. My dentist does not do the nitrous oxide angle. He prefers shoving harpoon sedatives into my gums. I think you win this one…


      • None of us win. Not at the Ds’ office. Yes that $3,000 price tag is hefty. I don’t have $6000 just lying around to be used on my teeth, so I just soldier on. I had THREE gaps, due to failed root canals (on two of the now MIA teeth) and one that simply shattered because the D didn’t bother to read my chart notes, and forgot he’d hollowed that tooth out (another root canal that went awry). That last guy had the nerve to chastise ME for not ‘warning him’ about the fragility of that third tooth. Idiot. I highly recommend the nitrous for any procedure that involves sticking sharp pointy things in one’s tender mouth. They don’t use it for cleaning though. And NEVER allow an intern (student) dental assistant to monitor your intake. The last time I had one of those and I was so stoned they didn’t think I would be able to get home again under my own steam. Yes. Drugs have their limitations. My D shoves the harpoon, but only after I’m sufficiently buzzed. I suspect your D has the gas, but getting them to share might be tricky. And it costs extra…

        Liked by 1 person

    • They didn’t find anything extraordinary in my mouth, but they did spend a lot of time wrenching meteorites from betwixt my teeth. Apparently I am not worshiping at the Altar of Dental Floss as often as I should…


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