The two spinsters studied the publicity photo and tried to decide if they should go inside the movie palace and watch this latest release…
Betty: “Look at how she can’t even light his cigarette. She would make a terrible wife. I hope he’s not planning to marry her.”
Jane: “And look at that tawdry blouse she’s wearing. She’s showing so much cleavage! And the sinister amulet around her neck. Do you suppose she’s a witch AND a slattern?”
Betty: “He can’t even stand to look her directly in the face, she’s such a disappointment.”
Jane: “He can’t believe how tacky her hair looks. She’s not using a single pin to control that mess! She’s a lazy, cheap witch. I can’t believe they let her stay in the coven.”
Betty: “Wait! Is he holding a knife? He’s trying to kill her! I disapprove of her lifestyle, but I don’t know that she needs to die for it. Seems a bit harsh.”
Jane: “And she’s hiding a gun in her other hand. So she’s planning to fight for her right to walk the streets. These are some truly lost souls.”
Betty: “Oh my word! Do you see what else is going on? Oh, I can barely stand to look.”
Jane: “What is it, sister?”
Betty: “Someone has taken a loaf of French bread and shoved it into the skull of that poor woman in the background!”
Jane: “Oh, this movie is wretched indeed. Prostitution and betrayal and death and bad grooming. The people who made this are clearly not right with the Lord.”
Betty: “Should we buy tickets?”
Jane: “Of course. My treat.”
Previously published in “Crusty Pie” and “Bonnywood Manor”. Modified slightly for this post.
Categories: Past Imperfect
Bonnywood Manor 
You have a real talent for writing old ladies!
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Thank you! I have plenty of inspiration in my conservative family tree… 😉
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* (Insert your own joke set-up here,)
“You have to stand on the toilet, and use these binoculars.” 😆
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Me: “Uh oh. Did you capture me on video? I have GOT to remember that everyone has a smartphone these days.”
Betty: “Did that horrid man mention a toilet? Does he not understand that one doesn’t do such in polite society?”
Jane: “And his reference to binoculars? Whoever heard of bisexual teeth? It’s unfathomable and rude….”
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That’s much better than the original. 😀
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Sanctimony has no better repository than a God-bothering old biddy-body. The aisles are awash with ’em, bless their little rotten squawks. Never happier than when being unhappy.
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Exactly. The world is filled with biddies who would much rather pounce on the happy than solve their own issues…
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Well, of course I’d have to go.
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Should we get the bucket of buttered popcorn or the vat? Snack decisions are crucial when watching salacious movies…
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The vat.
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Isn’t that a very very rare shot of “Ken – The Early Years?” Because no way is that er, person, a real live boy! No wonder Betty couldn’t achieve light. She could flic her bic all day and never get a reaction.. She clearly needs some strong spectacles…not to be the focus of one apparently dressed up as a movie scene. And what’s with the poorly done Raggedy Anne in the back ground? String dolls and faux plastic boy toys never did go together… did they? Lastly, ‘bisexual teeth?” Uh… 😐 Serves me right for eaves reading on others’ comments..
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Kent does have a hint of Madame Tussaud’s about him. Then again, isn’t that how it always is with Hollywood visualizations? The prettier the better, never mind the acting talent.
That Raggedy Ann doll will leave me sleepless for nights on end. Of course, everything else does that as well, so…
Don’t judge the bisexual teeth. Every molar has the right to live their own lives… 😉
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Well that bisexual teeth business explains a few things at least. Now I know why my own molars never did get along with the rest of the teeth in my pie hole. And left via extraction or root canal at the earliest opportunity. Hypocrites…. 😛
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Damn, out of the coven, poor thing! 😎
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One misstep and you can be cast into the wilderness…
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😉
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I’m so glad you have an eye for details. I would have missed the loaf of French bread had you not said something.
On the other hand, I’m quite certain that man is a wax figure and will soon be a puddle on the floor.
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One should always be wary of yeast-based bakery products. You never know when they might turn against you.
As for Wax Figure Man, I sent an email to Kent, asking him what he was thinking with his performance in this scene. He replied with some babble about unexpected catatonia due to the political situation in America. I think he’s lying, especially since we should all be used to such a mess by now. Then again, my French bread has never turned on me, so I might not have a full understanding of his predicament…
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That’s my kind of movie! Except that weird French bread guy. He looks like he’s swallowed A LOT of yeasty products – you are what you eat … On second thought, I’ll just stick with cigarettes. Er, salad. 😉
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I hear you, and I’m sticking with the salad as well. Er, cigarettes.
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OMG! The word slattern! Great word. Lol. That and harlot. This is hilarious as always. 🙂
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Slattern is a lovely word. I try to use it every day. In a positive way, of course…
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