Humor

Circles in the Sand

New Note: Google+ is now essentially defunct, becoming yet another desiccated body on the internet highway. But as a companion piece to my recent “Confessions of a Social Media Dork” post, I thought I’d share this little nugget from back in the day, as the thought process can apply to most social media platforms…

Original Note: So, Google + has these nifty things called “circles”, where you can clump your connections together in categories, thus allowing you to control who sees what. (But your contacts can’t see how you’ve classified them, making it even more fun.) Good idea, but the initial setup can be daunting, and trying to formulate an adequate filing system for your acquaintances can lead to binge-drinking. Since I have a checkered past full of bad decisions and spur-of-the-moment eventual wrongness, I thought I’d help you out with some creative ways of filtering the people who reach out and touch…

 

1. “Couldn’t Stand Them in High School”

2. “Stupidly Slept with Years Ago”

3. “Great Drinking Buddy, Keeps Mouth Shut”

4. “Still Friends with My Ex-Boyfriends. Careful.”

5. “Doesn’t Know What Year It Is”

6. “Potential for Excessive Bible-Quoting”

7. “Complete Idiot”

8. “Says Films Instead of Movies

9. “Relatives Who Want Money”

10. “Hot Profile Pic, No Other Connection”

11. “Politically Bitter”

12. “Mute Feed, Knows Too Much About College Days”

13. “Mute Feed, Knows All Childhood Nicknames”

14. “Blows Sunshine Out Own Ass”

15. “Aggressive Emoticon Fetish”

16. “Possibly Has Incriminating Photos, Be Nice”

17. “Unable to Be Quietly Vegan”

18. “Yet Another Cousin from Hazy Branch of Family Tree”

19. “Seen Me Seriously Drunk, Not Offended”

20. “Seen Me Seriously Drunk, Greatly Offended”

21. “Will Post a Picture of Anything”

22. “Links Never Work.”

23. “Deletes Comments That Are Funnier Than His Posts”

24. “Apparently Thinks All Song Lyrics Are About Them Personally”

25. “Knows All About That Livestock Indiscretion”

26. “Smells Like Stalker”

27. “Clicks ‘Like’ Even If Someone Belches”

28. “Fascination with Self Is Mind-Boggling”

29. “Didn’t Like Them on Facebook, Still Not Liking Them on Here”

30. “Too Tired to Figure Out Right Circle”

 

Previously published in “The Sound and the Fury” and “Bonnywood Manor”. Minor revisions made for this post.

Now, in what will hopefully prove to be a fun and interesting diversion, here’s a friendly, no-offense-intended challenge: In the comments, create the name of the contact folder where I should file YOU. (Many of you will ignore this offer, and that’s fine, no pressure.) Try to be as creative and absurd as possible, as creative absurdity is highly regarded here at Bonnywood. I’m inordinately invested in seeing how some of you will respond to this, so I hope at least one of you does it…

Cheers.

 

31 replies »

  1. Perfect Portuguese Grammar (who cares???) horrible English grammar, unbearably sarcastic, can write long texts without commas just to see people feeling breathless while reading my texts.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. It IS “films” ! 😆

    I’ll add another retrospective category I assume I would be in.

    Ahem:

    31. Irresistible Poetesses Who Incorrigibly Attempt to Entice Me Despite the Fact That I Am Clearly Partial to Gentleman Parts and Not Lady Parts, As Attractive and Alluring as They May Be.

    I’d be cool with category.
    💋🔥

    Liked by 2 people

  3. So it’s a bad thing if one is #27 and 28? 😐 My own folder pyramid included the following: “Knew Them Slightly “When” And Didn’t Like Them, But Was Unable To Scrape Them Off My Shoes. Finally Had To Resort To Giving Email Addy To Every SpamBot I Encountered. Hope They Died.” Yeah it was a long title but it was appropriate. I actually knew about three people that fit the category too. And isn’t “film” a European thing? No judgment either way.

    Liked by 1 person

    • None of this is to be taken as derogatory in any way. I simply needed a filing system that would help prepare me for future interactions.

      But I’m stealing the name of your pyramid folder, as I know many folks who could easily slip into that category, proving once again that we think alike…

      The “film” thing? Well, I must admit that the usage of such a term has often indicated (in my own experiences, mind you) that someone is being a bit pretentious. But maybe that’s just me…

      Like

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