Peggy: “I don’t know about this. Explain to me again why I’m holding a gun and wearing this outfit?”
Photographer: “Two guns, actually. Perhaps math was not your favorite subject in school. Anyway, you are showing the world that you are taking charge of your life but can still look sexy while doing it.”
Peggy: “And what part of my life requires guns? Or the wearing of lingerie in public?”
Photographer: “The part where you want to actually get cast in this movie instead of selling burgers on the wrong end of Sunset Boulevard.”
Peggy: “I see. But isn’t this studio on the wrong end of Sunset? I had to leapfrog over a panhandler just to get in here. One inch less clearance and I would have gotten a free waxing.”
Photographer: “Um, I’ve had a few problems with math myself. I can’t seem to remember that the amount of my paycheck has to match the amount of the bills I have due. Which is why I’ve agreed to take test shots of young starlets who ask too many questions. And then there’s the drinking issue. It’s Hollywood, so there’s always a drinking issue at some point.”
Peggy: “Well, it seems to me that we both need a break, so I don’t see why we can’t help each other out. Let’s find me something to wear that makes me look less like a hooker in Tombstone.”
Photographer: “Well, I am less annoyed with you since you first walked in the door and made me actually work for a living, but still, the producers are going for a certain image.”
Peggy: “Why? Is this movie funded by the National Rifle Association?”
Photographer: “No, that organization won’t really have any influence until they start buying politicians and misinterpreting the Second Amendment. Right now, they just have chauvinistic men making decisions based on their stunted maturity. Besides, there are plenty of other starlets who will happily wave weaponry about whilst sporting desultory underwear.”
Peggy: “Really? I can’t imagine anyone else risking private rug burn just to get into this place.”
Photographer: “If you’ll just look down, you’ll see that one of them is standing right behind you, wearing open-toed shoes.”
Peggy: “Oh. But where are her actual toes?”
Photographer: “It doesn’t matter. What does matter is that you should always remember there might be someone behind you who wants it more than you do, so you better grab it while you can.”
Previously published in “Crusty Pie” and “Bonnywood Manor”. Slight changes made for this post.
Peggy: “You know, your last line sounded like good advice at first, but we’re still talking about me prancing around in my panties. Again, why would anyone want to take away my opportunity to do something that they surely can’t be all that interested in doing?”
Photographer: “Well, this is America, and there are plenty of people who want to take away the rights of others just because they can, even though they aren’t affected in the least by what those others are doing. Those same vindictive people will eventually elect Donald Trump, leader of the NRA and KKK parties, as president, so he can prance around the White House in his amoral panties and destroy the reputation of our country.”
Peggy: “Oh. That sounds rather unpleasant and unpatriotic, like that two-bit actor I had to work with the other day, Ronald Reagan. I guess this photo shoot isn’t so bad after all. Tell the Invisible Woman behind me that she can go home. I’ve got this.”
Categories: Past Imperfect
Bonnywood Manor 
“No, that organization won’t really have any influence until they start buying politicians and misinterpreting the Second Amendment.”
Oh that is a classic. Outstanding!!
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Thank you! I just report the truth as I see it, even if I bury that truth in whimsical absurdity… 😉
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Aside from the drinking problem and the math issues, that photographer is a very smart person!
Poor Peggy…ol Ronnie was… yeah…
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A lot of smart people drink because they can’t do math, or so I’m told.
And Ronnie? Yeah… 😉
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No chandelier is safe with Peggy wielding her weapon at that angle. Unless she’s seen Wayne LaPierre up there on the mezzanine floor. If so Peggy, aim to please.
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Wayne: “What is that woman pointing at me?”
Bystander, just trying to find the loo: “It’s a gun, you dolt.”
Wayne: “Oh. Is that what they look like? I’ve never owned one. I just preach about them and tweet lies to support my preaching.”
Bystander, not so interested in the loo at this point: “Oh, so you’re THAT Wayne. Could you step a little closer to the railing?”
Wayne: “Whatever for?”
Bystander: “So you can better understand what people can do with the things you preach about.”
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I think she looks cute 🤷♀️
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Am I sensing another witty, subversive poem on your part… 😉
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I’m trying to decide whether or not that Peggy is me.
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According to Poor John, you were not in California at the time of this infamous photo shoot. Then again, there’s something about the way he walks that arouses suspicion, so… 😉
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Oh yeah, that walk is suspicious.
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you better grab it while you can – that sounds like my boss who just said those meetings to twenty of us in a meeting that if we complain, there’s a line of people in the other room raising their hand wanting our job! Way to motivate, eh! …But where were the other woman’s toes???
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Oh, I’ve had bosses like that, may they rest in peace. (Just kidding.)
And I’m still confused about the woman’s toes. Perhaps I need to eat more fiber… 😉
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Sorry for the typos, I updated to IOS13 and no longer have any control over the keyboard
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I fully understand that. I haven’t been in control of a number of things for many years now… 😉
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That idiot fool who stomps around in his demented masquerade is doing lots of damage, yes. Destruction is always so quick and easy for that type. But Brian, this too shall pass; the tide seems to be turning.
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Yes, I finally hear the waves crashing onto shore. Bring it!
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😐 Now what came to my mind was ‘Why is that actress prancing about in men’s tightie whitey’s and a long line support bra? Isn’t Rosalind Russell THE poster girl for those bras? Is she jealous of Peggy? Was there financial remuneration (or an outright bribe?) for the possibly dead Ms. Russell? (yeah I know she’s dead, but so’s Peggy and look at how lively SHE looks). Lastly, why do dweeb brained twerps always say the worst thing that could possibly happen ALOUD so it’s inevitable that it WILL happen (aka election of a certain orange doody head?) I hope that photographer was black-balled and all.
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You have so many valid questions that I’m not sure where to start.
But I’ll plunge in here: You are absolutely correct that people should not give voice to possible impending doom. It somehow upsets the karmic balance and then everything hits the fan. Yes, I know that we should be diligent in forewarning of the foreshadowing, but sometimes it’s best to squelch our thoughts and hope for the best…
P.S. The photographer went on to become a very revered monastic monk on a small Pacific island that nobody visits because they don’t have an airport. Life is funny that way…
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