Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #317

Joan: “What do you mean you won’t allow me to check in to this hotel?”

Desk Clerk: “We have a strict policy against letting people into the building with eyebrows that are bigger than the Chrysler Building. It’s a structural issue, and we can’t jeopardize the safety of the other guests. I’m sure you understand.”

Joan: “No, I don’t understand. This is discrimination. I was born this way!”

Desk Clerk: “No you weren’t. You would never have made it out of the womb with those speed bumps. Come back and see us when your gardener has had a chance to hack at those things with a weed-whacker.”


Previously published in “Crusty Pie” and “Bonnywood Manor”. Slight changes made for this post.

Had to share this little comment snippet, my response to the lovely Claudette on the previous post: “Confession Time: I have probably the thickest eyebrows you have ever seen on this planet. (I actually have to have them trimmed when I get my haircut every 4 weeks, with innocent bystanders running and screaming as the industrial-strength trimmer sends deadly bits of shrapnel flying through the air.) 


20 replies »

    • One of the tornadoes hit about 10 miles north of us, which is far too close for comfort. It was a wild, crazy night, with the sirens and the confusion and my anxiety. (I’m sure you’re very familiar with the routine.) But we’re fine, and, so far, it appears that no one was seriously hurt, which is amazing considering the damage. Thanks for checking in!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Good to know y’all were okay. That is way too close, and I do know how scary it all can be. We did see some of the destruction on the news this morning and it looked pretty bad in those spots.

        Liked by 2 people

  1. As usual I’m out of touch. I am very glad to hear all is well though. Those tornadoes have been known to devastate a person….. 😐 You take care!! And I read somewhere (in response to the Claudette comment) that once those things are shaved off (plucked or tweezed or razed to the skin) that they don’t grow back. Well *POOF* another illusion shattered…. I may have said this when I read this particular Past Imperfect before some time or other, but I’m more interested in why her face is highlighted that way when all around and on her are shadows. Was it a subliminal message she insisted on sending about how her light shone more brightly than anyone else’s?

    Liked by 2 people

    • Have I shared the story about the time in high school when the lady who cut my hair convinced me to let her pluck my eyebrows? It was horrifying and mortifying and painful. If I haven’t shared it, I need to dig it out.

      Speaking of digging out, I also have a piece on Joan’s insistence that she always be spotlit in a certain way. Sounds I like I might need to spend some time in the archives this evening…


  2. After retiring to bed last night, I attempted to make a start on Screaming In Paris. To my alarm, however, my Kindle displayed a brief, ‘battery low’, warning before shutting down. I immediately let out an ear-piercing shriek and stumbled from my bed into the bathroom where I blubbed until I could blub no more. On the bright side, there were no tornados.

    Liked by 2 people

      • Yep, I always enjoy his wry observations on life and ability to set them out in a tongue-in-cheek manner that amuses without ever being offensive. In short, he’ll never join myself and Johnathon Swift in the annals of great satirists 😉

        Liked by 3 people

    • Lord Whelk: I hope that you will be able survive this personal tragedy and return to Court as soon as possible, as we urgently need a fourth player for the Whist tournament. It would be appreciated, though, if you would leave the blubbing at home…

      Lady Rigdon: Thank you for your kind words. I hope you will be able to join us for high tea Sunday next. Please wear the outfit that we have previously discussed… 😉

      Lord Swift: Please do not listen to Lord Whelk. He’s a blubber and a toff…

      Liked by 1 person

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