Flash Fiction

Almost Wordless Wednesday – #15

It’s time once again to sharpen your #2 pencils and get out your Big Chief tablets. Your mission, as usual, is this: Explain what the hell is happening in this photo.

Some inspirational tidbits to help get you started:

It’s a New Year’s Eve celebration. (Therefore, we are a bit toasted.)

The photo was taken roughly two decades ago. (Thus explaining why I was able to hold my arm steady for said photo without requiring medical assistance.)

I’m on the right. (Sporting facial hair that I apparently thought sexy at the time.)

My oldest sister is on the left. (“Cactus Girl”, for those who know the story.)

I no longer remember why the microwave is on top of the fridge. (Maybe I wanted to make sure I was the only one who could use it? Perhaps you can help me out with this angle.)

I have no idea what is on top of the microwave on top of the fridge. (More story fodder.)

I am horribly ashamed by the pathetic “Prairie Home Companion” curtains hanging on the window over the sink. In my defense, I was still in the process of remodeling the 1950s ranch house I had recently purchased. Still, I don’t understand why I didn’t rip those curtains down on the day I moved in.

Oh, wait. I do remember. Money. I didn’t have much of it at the time, because I just bought the damn house. The “remodeling” took a few years, with little bits from each paycheck, so ugly curtains were not an immediate priority. (Does that methodology sound familiar to anybody? Thought so.)

Those may or may not be crime scene photos on the side of the fridge. (Things happen, you move on.)

That may or may not be Jimmy Hoffa’s urn on the far right. (I’m not signing anything.)

And, perhaps most importantly, I should point out that my sister is wearing a wig. (That is not her real hair, and it is not the result of her trauma from being flung into a cactus at a tender age.)

I no longer recall the origin story behind said wig, but it’s most likely mine. (Gay folks tend to have dramatic accessories, in case you haven’t noticed.)

Okay, that should prime enough pumps, so to speak.

Dazzle me with your flights of fancy. You are cleared for take-off.



Note: Photo provided by my partner, Terry, who lovingly delved into his extensive archives based upon my vague request that I needed “something silly for my Almost Wordless post”. 


21 replies »

  1. The notorious “Cactus Kids” caught in a rare moment at home. These recalcitrant miscreants were best known for one elaborate attempted bank heist in which the supposed bank robbers forgot their guns. But they didn’t know it. Patrons believed it to be an early Halloween prank and ignored them.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m far too distracted by your appearance to create a story, so all I can say is, did you know upon growing the facial hair you would look like Hans Gruber? Was this, in fact, your plan all along? And is that why you are make-believe pointing a gun?

    Unrelated question: why is your freezer a different color from the rest of the fridge?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Let’s just say I went through a phase wherein I was experimenting with metallic paint. This is an example of why I am no longer in that phase. (Perhaps someday I will share a photo of what I did to the plaster crown molding in the formal dining room. Perhaps not.)

      Liked by 1 person

  3. For a minute I was wondering WHAT FREEZER? because this is the land of humongous free standing ones (even in the 70s/80s) because one never knew when one might have to freeze a whole elk in the thing. Or the neighbors down the road slaughtered a cow or pig and shared the bounty, this bein’ Utah and everyone up for sharing things. The picture is ah interesting….I have no pithy words of sark to share about it though save to say we all have such photos tucked away in drawers or dusty albums, which younger generations take out now and then and sneer at, heartily chuckling at how strange we look. Little do they know THEY’LL presently take the seat in the chair of the ‘elder’ who has strange old photos they don’t really want to talk about. Or maybe not. I keep forgetting this is the digital age and actual photographs (as such) smelling of processing chemicals and possibly spreading cancer to those who developed them are a quaint idea, pushed to the back of the memory closet. Still. Those old photos are actual proof that we existed, we danced and laughed, and we were unashamed to be ourselves. What do those newbies have? A cloud. Which can be destroyed with one push of a red button by some moron with delusions of taking over the world.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Well, you went surprisingly deep with this one…

      First, we had one of those Mondo freezers growing up. As the oldest child, I was often designated to go fetch something out of it for dinner, and I remember, as the supplies dwindled, I would have to hang over the side of the freezer when reaching for deeper contents, doing a fine balancing act that could easily end in death…

      Second, I think the younger generations are missing out on sitting around in a cozy living room and giddily perusing “real” photo albums…

      Third, there is far too much stored in, and dependent on, this Cloud. One major snafu and we can’t use ATMs, pump gas or order porn online. Sad, really…


  4. I agree with Christi–definitely a Hans Gruber look, but I’ll bet you were very dashing in a suit. Your sister is wearing the same wig my brother used to wear when we played Rock Star as kids:-)

    Liked by 1 person

    • True confession: I’ve never seen any of the “Die Hard” movies, but I get the impression that Hans was a bit sinister. Which is probably a fair attribute for me, from time to time…

      Way back in the day, Cactus Girl and one of my other sisters used to “perform” Shaun Cassidy songs in front of the fireplace, using those long-ass matches as microphones. And yes, I have photographic proof of THAT as well…

      Liked by 1 person

  5. With Halloween around the corner…

    No one said you couldn’t add rum to a crock pot recipe. At the time it made sense, in one of those, ‘You had to be there’, moments. But Sprite? I mean really? Who bought sprite in 1999?

    The real question was why an unopened bottle of red wine had survived that far into the celebration of year’s end?

    And where was everyone else? Kitchens are the best place at a house party, everyone knows this.

    Why are they pointing? And then it dawn’s on you, the one who’s been documenting the escapades of the evening, will be their last victim. Then the wine will be opened. Hopefully they won’t wrap your body in those Garrison Keller inspired curtains…what a nightmare that would be.

    Liked by 1 person

    • In an amazing bit of sensory perception, you got just about right, detailing what played out except.

      Except for the part about the documentarian, as there was no one actually there. The camera had arisen from the table on its own, and we were trying to shoot it down, because cameras usually shouldn’t do that…

      Liked by 1 person

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