Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #431

Sadie: “I suppose I could do that. How much are you willing to pay me?”

Nigel: “I didn’t say anything about paying you.”

Sadie: “Then I didn’t say anything about doing it.”

Nigel: “But I have leverage on you, my dear. I know what you did with that priest behind us.”

Sadie: “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t see any priest. Especially not the one that is looking at us.”

Nigel: “He’s looking at you, because he knows that you just stiffed him on his change. He’s too meek to say anything about it, because that’s how you get when you sit in a little hut all day taking confession, but I have no qualms about reporting you to the manager. Unless you satisfy my simple request, you’ll be thrown into the streets as the wretch that you are.”

Sadie, sighing: “Okay, fine, you win. I’ll bring you some extra ranch dressing for your Cobb salad.”

Nigel: “Splendid.”


Previously published in “Crusty Pie” and “Bonnywood Manor”. Slight changes made for this post. Personal note: I have returned from the hinterlands of Houston, and I hope to catch up with comments and such in a relatively admirable manner…


27 replies »

    • Ranch dressing drinkers? I don’t think I know about this, and I’m fairly certain I don’t WANT to. But I will admit that when I make a fresh batch of buttermilk ranch dressing, I’ve been known to get a bit gluttonous and sample a spoonful of it. But guzzling? That’s a whole different ballgame…

      Liked by 1 person

      • Oh yes, a world of difference!!! (I do the same thing…) Hidden Valley Ranch is doing commercials showing people chugging it outta the bottle and with a straw. It makes me sick!!! Someone needs to let them know how bad this marketing idea is.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Bwaahahahahhahah!!!! But ranch on Cobb? Uh, yikes. I THOUGHT (and perhaps I’m getting my salads confused) that something more flavorful might be better…… yep. It’s Caesar and his dressing that I was channeling. The mere mention of raw veggies has tended to upset things inwardly in my realm of existence. It’s been so since Christmas and that whole celery craving incident…um excuse me. I fear a sullying of all breathable air is imminent and I prefer to do that in privacy and not pollute others’ spheres…

    Liked by 2 people

    • Well, that’s an interesting take, with the Caesar dressing angle, especially since several folks have already commented that the ideal drizzle should be bleu cheese. (And I agree with that.) But Caesar? I never thought about it but that might be an avenue to explore. In fact, that’s what I’m going to have on my next Cobb salad, assuming that I even remember this conversation two seconds from now.

      I hear you on the roughage dissatisfaction. I love me some fresh vegetables but, these days, merely walking through the produce section at the local market can lead to radioactive fallout…


      • It’s a maddening reality when we can watch something in real time that looks like an overcooked rutabaga being forced to iterate some versioning of reality for us. Normally when the emperor has no clothes we all want to take a look-see, but that’s disgusting, and I only imagine looks like wrinkly taupe support hose filled with large curd cottage cheese.
        Ewwww weeee, Eunice! That’s somp-en might-ee fahn!

        You’re right, reality is bullshit. Long live ranch dressing.
        Oh and thank you my friend for your continued and consistent support 💜

        Liked by 2 people

  2. While I am fond of a good bleu, I have to admit I’m in Melanie’s club and only a Caesar will do. Brand of choice: Ken’s Steakhouse. No idea who Ken is, but he makes a mighty fine Caesar. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    • Well, now I’m even more intrigued by the Caesar on a Cobb angle, which means that Partner had best prepare himself for dining at a restaurant that serves Cobbs this weekend. (The thought of relatively healthy food strikes fear in his heart, so we don’t often frequent establishments which serve natural roughage, only things that have been fried or drowned in cheese.)

      Liked by 1 person

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