Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #301

Alice, left: “Sister Girl, what the hell are you doing?”

Marceline, right: “I’m singing a song about the joys of being a woman in America.”

Alice: “Then why do you sound like the milk truck just ran over the cat?”

Marceline: “Well, I’m trying to be uplifting, but let’s face it. It’s no great shakes being a woman right now. We have hardly any rights at all.”

Alice: “Well, we did finally get the right to vote.”

Marceline: “150 years after the men did. And only because we got fed up and started marching in the streets. And we stopped having sex with the oppressors.”

Alice: “Oh. I may not have gotten the memo on the second part.”

Marceline: “Of course you didn’t, with your legs in the air all the time. Your libido is obviously more important than your legality.”

Alice: “Well, I didn’t understand two of the words you just used, but I think you’re being rude to me.”

Marceline: “Oh, please. I’m not the one you need to worry about. It’s the rich, white men who are keeping us down. Something fundamental has got to change.”

Alice: “But at least we have the movement now, with women standing up for their rights. Surely things will change.”

Marceline: “Well, in your case, you seem to be lying down for your rights. But yes, the movement is strong. As long as justice prevails, women should have equality within the next few decades.”

Alice: “Wait, this strange little robot on the other side of me seems to be saying something.”

Marceline: “Are you wanting to sleep with him, too?”

Alice: “No, he’s too short. But there’s a button on his head that is flashing.”

Marceline: “Well, then, push it. You’ve never had a problem touching body parts on other people.”

Alice pushes.

Robot: “I come from the future to warn you that equality in this country will still not be resolved by the year 2020.”

Marceline: “And why is that, Future Man?”

Robot: “Because incredibly stupid people will find each other via the invention of the Internet, gain strength in numbers as they all listen to talk-radio whack-jobs spout conspiracy theories that are not reality-based in any way, and then try to destroy society with their profound ineptitude and ignorance.”

Alice: “That doesn’t sound very festive.”

Marceline: “Is there anything that we can do?”

Robot: “Make sure that Ronald Reagan never gets into national politics. That’s when the first nuts start falling from the trees. A few decades after his presidency, the nut avalanche will become overwhelming.”

Alice: “But I like nuts.”

Marceline: “Honey, you’ve already proven that. But we’re talking about a different edible fruit. Perhaps you should find something else to do while I work this out. Future Man, what happens if we are unable to stop a movie star from becoming President?”

Robot: “Then it paves the way for a self-involved, egotistical and delusional TV star to become president.”

Marceline: “That sounds terrible!”

Robot: “Oh, it turns out to be much worse than it sounds. In just a few short years, the Delusional One will successfully tear away at much of the progress America had made in the last several decades, all based on his campaign slogan of ‘Make America Hate Again’. The nuts really loved that message, and they lost what was left of their minds racing to support him at all costs, even if one of those costs was the respect that other countries had for America.”

Marceline: “Oh, hell no. Take me with you.”

Robot: “Are we going somewhere?”

Marceline: “Yes, back to the future.”

Robot: “That’s really not an option in my protocols. I was to deliver this message as a final mission, and then I was going to retire to the Bahamas with my boyfriend, R2D2.”

Marceline: “Well, put that on hold for a pinch. I’m sure Arty Two will understand. You work on the flight arrangements and I’ll throw a few essentials in my carry-on. Sister, you run pack your bag as well.”

Alice: “Me, too?”

Marceline: “Oh, I like that phrase. Jot that down in your diary. We might be able to use it for our mission.”

Alice: “But why do we have to be on a mission? I have an appointment at the day-spa scheduled for this afternoon.”

Marceline: “Because too many decent people have forgotten that we have to be vigilant with our missions or the nuts will take us down. Go!”

Frenzied activity ensues. (Robot on his comm device with Arty: “Darlin’, there’s been a bit of a hiccup.”)

Thirty minutes later, a time-warp portal opens-up over Sal’s Deli in the Dupont Circle enclave of Washington, DC. Three figures drop from the sky, unnoticed by most because of the enticing aroma of fresh pastrami exuding from said deli. (A good bit of nosh is more important to some people than paying attention to what is happening around them, which is how TV stars get elected.)

Robot, still using his comm device, although on a different channel: “Thanks for beaming us down, Scottie”. Robot turns to Marceline, pointing: “The White House is in that direction.”

Marceline: “Thanks, Robbie. You’ve been a peach.”

Two figures race down the street.

Alice: “Sister, look at those cute little pink hats that some of the ladies are wearing. And they’re waving signs demanding equality.”

Marceline: “I think I may have finally found my people.”

Back at the Celestial Uber drop-off site, Robbie the Robot selects yet another channel on his comm device, this one leading to his audio diary, where he is collecting personal ruminations that he hopes will lead to him winning the Galactic Nobel Prize for Social Anthropology: “It appears that the future of civilization depends on strong women. Because the men have screwed it up royally.”

End trans.

 

Previously published in “Crusty Pie” and “Bonnywood Manor”. Considerably updated and extended for this post. You may say that I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one…

 

31 replies »

  1. Your mind works in wondrous ways, and along with the wisdom, you always have me in stitches…You know what scares me? …that the mania for equality ( which led to me having to open the door myself) will swing so far in that direction that the goal becomes to put a woman in office and not to put the best person in office and then we end up with Alice whose almond shaped nails snag the button on the red phone and we wipe out the world because her nail polish hadn’t dried. Now about Sal’s Deli…You know, and I know that is Salvador Dali and relates to the surreal world in which we live, and I am awed that you knew your readers would get it. I think you must power over the subliminal.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I agree completely with the door possibly swinging too wide. The best candidate should be, well, the best candidate. I am not a fan of voting for someone “just because he/she’s one of us”. Not a good plan. On the flip side, though, is that we often don’t get to see the best of women because the worst of men are standing in their way, heels dug in.

      And yes, it IS the Salvador Deli. (I pull that phrase out from time to time.) I love the subliminal and the trivial and the deep plunges in thought, just as I love folks who understand exactly what I’m trying to do… 😉

      Liked by 2 people

      • “we often don’t get to see the best of women because the worst of men are standing in their way, heels dug in.”

        for sure! I wonder if life is really supposed to be this complicated or if the human race is just a colossal collection of screw ups….It’s as if someone has given the world a shiny top that spins to its own music and swirls bright colors, and we can’t enjoy it properly because we are trying to understand its rotational inertia. Life really needs to be simpler but then we’d be plagued with zombie-ism! Ok, now I’m sleep talking, I’m going back to bed.

        Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you, sir. I will agree that Reagan was at least much more congenial and he could give a good speech. But his administration (the people HE hired) were terrible, setting off (among other things) two fall-outs that are still with us today. They gutted the libel and slander laws, and thereby the responsibility of the news media to tell the truth, thus enabling the creation of Fox News and their ilk. And the wretched “trickle down theory” of Reaganomics is still a mainstay of Republican coda, even though it doesn’t work, especially if you’re on the down end of that trickle…

      Like

  2. Lying down for your rights! Lol. As always, hilarious. I’ve been gone awhile. It’s been too long since i’ve read one of your fabulous posts.

    And don’t get me started on those old, rich, white Republicans!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Now having come ‘back to the future’ that way, I hope the culture shock (not to mention the air pollution – courtesy of said TV ‘star’ gas bag) didn’t faze those girls. Still solidarity is solidarity. Right on sister!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Me thinks that their arrival here is most likely less psychologically-damaging than if we went back to THEIR time. Can you imagine? We’d both be thrown in jail for civil disobedience within two hours of beaming down… 😉

      Like

      • YOU might make it two hours, I suspect they’d be waiting, handcuffs at the ready for ME. I’m too mouthy for any time but this exact one. And you’re a guy. That gives you a certain credibility I was denied by being born female. Sad but true and no profiling. Another bullet we dodged! 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  4. At least during the Ronnie years we had great music and festive fashions. Sure, we were always wondering if we were gonna get nuked to dust but we DANCED!
    Now everyone just wants to shoot up a bunch of innocent people. Sigh…
    In all fairness, it not all the men’s fault. There were a significant number of the sisterhood who were delusional and voted for the Orange Idjit and all the other tea baggers (yep, I know what it means😉)

    Liked by 1 person

    • I relish your first line, because it’s completely true. At least we had worthy distractions. Now? There’s just a bunch of crap everywhere we look and the music essentially sucks…

      And yes, some of the current sisterhood does own the situation. Back in the day, it’s fair to say that some women didn’t know any better. That’s not the case now, and some shame fingers should be pointed…

      I’m glad you get the tea-bagger angle. Somewhere in the archives I have a sly post about that very thing. I might have to do some excavating..

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Our last PM before Trudeau was a conservative who hung on to power by (mostly) one fingernail for a decade. I didn’t like him, disagreed vehemently with him and voted against him. However, he was, for the most part and as far as this goes for politicians, principled and certainly not an idiot. How you wound up with this orange bobble head whose only functioning brain cells are focused on malfeasance and sleaze just baffles me. Aren’t there any regular conservatives you can just disagree with? Or do they not exist? Trump’s bag of ass kissers and floor lickers look like a cult.

    I’m hoping for you Brian, I really am.

    Liked by 2 people

    • That’s the thing that is the most disheartening about all of those, how those Trump disciples (which is almost everyone with any influence in the Republican party right now) not only don’t seem to be bothered by his malfeasance but they willingly lie to support his behavior and actions. It’s truly sad…

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I agree that Ronnie could sound coherent at the podium. Until the end, when Nancy had to prompt him when he couldn’t remember the names of his cabinet. He was trained to speak clearly after all, but was a total whacko when it came to the whole Red Menace thing. He supported Joe McCarthy and he and John Wayne sold out writers and actors during that era. I still don’t get how people persistently idolize a man (Wayne) who avoided getting himself killed in WWII, while Gable had to beg to go on bombing runs. And Wayne was a vehement supporter of the Vietnam debacle. A friend worked on a film with Wayne and had the “image” crushed when he had to deal with him, and it had nothing to do with Wayne removing his ball cap to reveal he was bald. The man who was too scared to go to war was a rabid hawk. OK, shutting up now.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh, don’t shut up on my account. I’m right there with you. I never understood why Reagan why was idolized by his party, the same party that now idolizes Trump, even though Reagan himself would be appalled by Trumps’s actions and policies. And really, the very basic tenant in that party is hypocrisy. They would never put up with a Democrat doing a fraction of what Trump has done, and many of the “ideals” they claim to support now are the complete opposite of what they used to stand for mere years ago..

      Liked by 1 person

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