Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #322

Man with Stupid Hat: “Look, you need to give me the information or I will be forced to do unsavory things with this bullwhip.”

Pola: “I have already told you that I will never reveal the secrets that I’m pretending that I don’t have. I am prepared to be tortured endlessly, as long as the lighting is good and the camera zooms in lovingly during the important bits.”

Stupid: “Does this really need to be such an ordeal? I’m in a union, and my shift is about to end. If you don’t tell me where your gang is hiding out in the next twenty minutes, the sadist who works nights will be here and you’ll have to start this drama all over. Is it really worth it?”

Pola: “My lips are sealed and accented with a Max Factor lip gloss that is waterproof. I will go to my grave before I ever disclose the location of the people that I know nothing about, even though I’ve had torrid but ultimately unsatisfactory relationships with most of them.”

Stupid: “Then you leave me no choice. I must resort to the ultimate torture, the worst thing that can ever happen to a silent-movie actress.”

Pola, trembling: “Surely you don’t mean…”

Stupid: “Yes, exactly that. I am going to jack with your hair so your signature curls are no longer in place, and your fans can no longer instantly recognize you.”

Pola: “I will tell you everything. Get a notepad.”


Previously published in “Crusty Pie” and “Bonnywood Manor”. Slight changes made for this post.


26 replies »

  1. Pola: “Don’t touch the hair!!” (oddly channeling George Clooney’s voice from another film that wouldn’t be made for decades (nor would George appear on the earthly scene himself)! You fiend! That spit curl on my delicately hued cheek (courtesy of the same Max Factor that did the lip thing. Not that anyone could see. It was a black and white film after all) took 30 minutes alone! Don’t you care?”
    Guard guy who was never paid enough to put up with prima donnas who refuse to spill the beans: ♪♫♪ If I didn’t care, would you feel the same? If I didn’t care…. ♪♫♪
    Pola: “Darling!! You REMEMBERED! Our song….”
    *insert scene with lots of mushy smooching and unseemly ruffling of spit curls….
    Pola: “I’ll tell you ANYTHING, just never leave me..”

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh, my. It might not be my place to say so, but it appears that you might have a slight fetish when it comes to oddly-hatted men trying to force you to do things that you wouldn’t normally do. (Or maybe I’m having my own moment of epiphany.) In any case, the soundtrack intruded and soothed things a bit, so there’s that…


  2. I admit, a bit unwillingly, that hats, especially odd hats with protruding bits, always did send a bit of a tingle through me. Especially if they have hand cuffs…and O_o Um. Oops. Never mind. Yes the sound track did soothe…. it’s a great song. 😉 Maybe sometime you’ll share ‘forays into the fetishes I have known…”

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Brian, my God man! You found the inspiration for Marvin the Martian!
    I am eternally in awe of your sleuthing skills.

    Also, I thought all silent film actresses came by their curls naturally. Thank you for enlightening me.

    Liked by 1 person

    • True Story: I tried to entertain Partner with the “Marvin the Martian” aspect of this photo. He didn’t think it was worth his time or mine. Oh well.

      As for curls, they were definitely devised and programmed in the silents. And this trend continued once sound was invented. Shirley Temple always had exactly 56 curls in her movies…


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