Opinion

Sunday in the Park with Brian: Therapy Session #21 (The “Mind Is a Terrible Thing to Baste” Version)

Note: This is an older post, so there’s a wee bit of dustiness, but the essentials remain the same…

 

In a slight departure from the normal Park posts, I’m going to dispense with the “five points to consider” structure. I’ve taken this alternate route a few times before, although I don’t know if anyone noticed. Actually, now that I consider, I don’t know if anyone has noticed when I DO follow the five-point plan. Maybe no one pays attention to the numbers. Maybe some people do notice the numbers, and when they see them lined up on the page, scrolling into infinity, they quickly decide that life is too short and they click on somebody else’s blog. Maybe the numbers are the whole reason that I don’t have a legitimate career in publishing. In any case, this borderline-incessant rambling has generously produced enough words that it qualifies as an opening paragraph, and now we’re done with that mess. Yay!

Picking up on a thread weaving through the fake-out of my introduction, I often have a lot of questions. Sometimes these questions are valid, responsible queries that deserve research and study, possibly aided by a grant from a progressive University with all-inclusive bathrooms. At other times, things pop into my head that should never have popped anywhere in decent society. In addition to the numbering schema with the Parks (and the jury is now out on the effectiveness of such), I also use the Park posts in a stream-of-consciousness manner, where I often don’t make any edits before posting. (That sound you hear is members of the Editing Society of America screaming in horror.) For today’s post, I just might be pushing that stream-of-consciousness over the banks. (Somebody best run tell the folks in town so they can get to higher ground afore the creek rises.) And here we go…

Why do some people knock on your front door instead of using the clearly-lit, properly-functioning doorbell that is right there? I’m not going to hear your timid little knuckles if I’m watching “Star Wars” for the forty-leventh time. And if you’re here to talk about Jesus, you should have more conviction than that. Push the power button and make this a rousing dance number.

Who made the decision that a package of hot dogs should contain 8 weenies? Isn’t that a poorly-planned number? For a typical family unit, you’re either going to have leftovers, or not enough for a second round. Granted, it’s nice that the buns usually come in eights as well, from a symmetry perspective, but it’s still annoying and counter-productive. Are the Masons involved with this in some way?

What if Donald Trump really only wanted the title and not the job, and now he’s doing everything he can to get his ass sent to detention? Or what if the Republican Party’s plan was to win with Trump and then replace him with Pence? Oh, who am I kidding with these “what ifs”? I keep forgetting that we are never going to see a solid plan from the Republicans or the tax returns from Trump.

Why do I have such distrust for cans of tuna that can sit in your cupboard for three years and still be theoretically fit for consumption? How can this be right?

Why do some fast-food drive-thrus have two windows, one to pay and one to get your food? I don’t see how this increases the productivity of the process, because the business has to hire more staff in order to make this work. And even if this Model-T assembly line does somehow work better within the building, it doesn’t work better outside the building. I have to be nice to two people in a row, and that makes my left eye twitch.

Why do so many people still not understand that the first step toward becoming a responsible human being is to pull your head out of your ass?

Am I the only one who has no clue how much a postage stamp costs these days? The last time I actually had to buy stamps, nobody based their lives on a Facebook feed.

Do other people hear the radio, late at night, when there’s no radio on? And the playlist only has 70s songs?

Why are you clicking “like” on my post when you have no intention of ever coming back here again? I can smell you a mile away…

What kind of music are some people listening to these days? Because the music in my formative years made me want to be a better person, not a self-centered sociopath who confuses need with unearned greed. Then again, the musicians in my salad days were… well, musicians. Is it possible that auto-tune and shameless promotion of nothingness will be the true downfall of society? After all, we did have the 2016 election cycle…

What is up with radio DJs who insist on babbling over the end of the song? I don’t want to hear from you and your advertising sponsor until the final note has been played. Unless you’re presenting breaking news that health care is now freely available to everyone, not just those who can afford it.

How can any of us be truly complacent with our own lives when a small child goes to bed hungry, in any part of the world?

Is it emotionally unstable for me to read a certain book and suddenly fall in love with the author, sight unseen?

What does it mean when you cry because other people can’t?

Is there anything natural in Velveeta?

Why is it that I can sit through 17 previews before the movie starts, and not a single one of the frenetic, jump-cut, loud-noise offerings appeal to me in any way? Is that where we’re at with movie-making? The intensity of the soundtrack determines all?

Did you ever have to finally decide?

Anyone else bothered by candles that don’t burn in a satisfactory manner, and you end up wasting half of the wax? We’ve been making candles since Saturn was a teenager. Why can’t we get this right? (And why are you charging 30 bucks for the Big Boy Candles, Yankee? It’s paraffin and two drops of scented oil. Justify my love.)

Are you doing the right things so that your legacy is honorable?

Who cares what anyone is wearing at an awards show? Why does this get more attention than what is happening in Syria?

What is wrong with our food availability that eating healthy is so much more expensive than eating chemically-laced crap?

Am I not an American if I can’t stand football? There are so many new rules these days, decided by people who have never actually read the Constitution.

Why are so many religious denominations making it a war, and not an opportunity?

Will you still love me, tomorrow?

How are we still in a situation where men decide the fate of women?

Am I wrong in thinking that tomatoes don’t belong in the fruit category?

Does anyone else spend far too much time wishing and hoping instead of getting off their asses and doing?

What happened to the time when people with opposing views could at least be cordial?

What happened to fundamental respect?

What?

Happened?

 

Cheers.

 

Previously published in “Bonnywood Manor”. Slight changes made.

 

30 replies »

  1. I don’t even know where to start with my love of this post!

    The song references? Why is it always the left eye that twitches? All the politics and religion?

    I just love it ALL! When I read the opening edit note, I thought ‘the fundamental things apply…’

    Liked by 2 people

  2. “Do other people hear the radio, late at night, when there’s no radio on? And the playlist only has 70s songs?”. Dude. Check your dental work. (And it could be worse. Your back fillings could be tuning into German Art Lieder, and then suicide or DIY-tooth extraction are your only options. )

    “Did you ever have to finally decide?” No. As a woman, it’s in my contract – – no decision is final.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Well, I have had a lot of dental work in the last few years. But the midnight radio has been there as long as I can remember..

      And, of course, I wouldn’t dream of challenging your womanly prerogatives…

      Like

  3. Too many questions, too much happening, however a few scattered comments. Religious callers don’t ring your bell?- Don’t knock it.
    Too many at the take-out?- TWO dead-eyed McWorkers = the minimum wage at work. Loquacious DJs- play that platter, cut the chatter.
    You cry ’cause others can’t? See McWorkers comment, I think they can’t cry. At least they’re not contactully allowed to, in public. (They do when they see their paycheck though.) If you can’t stand football, take a knee. Still an American. Tomato, potato, who’s to say?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ah, another witty and clever response. You have cleared up a number of issues. I think you should do more. In fact, I think you should run for public office. It would be a refreshing change. Oh wait, they might run a background check, and then folks would find out about that time you did that thing. And we really can’t let that get out… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I have a couple of those thoughts on Trump myself, like did he plan all this to destroy the Republican Party? Pence has stayed behind the lines and is very quietly watching the destruction so I doubt he would take over to clean up the mess. But… what if he planned all this mess just to get out and is sorry he did not get impeached because now he has no one to blame. What if he would just go away… I wish.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Although I do try, I have basically given up on trying to understand what Trump or Pence or Republican Party officials are thinking. Their actions just don’t make sense, in the long run. Sure, they have power now, but history has shown that another Democrat will eventually be in the White House, and what will they do now that they have dismantled any accountability for the president?

      Liked by 1 person

      • I hope they run like hell because they are just as bad as the con in charge. In fact, I have had thoughts of maybe he should get elected again then we are done with him forever after 4 years. There’s always that thought he will run until he leaves this planet. I would rather have him gone gone gone.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh man, you and I wonder the same things!
    Those fake likers – especially the ones who click “like” two seconds after you post – they really get on my nerves. And yeah, what’s with those two windows in the drive thru? Is the first staffed by an excon who can’t be trusted with money?

    Liked by 2 people

    • It’s just amazing to me how much wastefulness there is in society: illogical process charts, fake likes that you get you nowhere, pop-stars who are worshipped for no reason, archaic election processes that result in the “loser” somehow being the “winner”, plastic straws, jammie pants that are way too long, movies without plots, and people who respond to comments in the form of run-on sentences instead of adhering to basic grammar principles…

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I don’t know how much stamps cost. I know they are all “forever stamps.” Maybe that’s so we don’t know how much they are. I never ask…I just whip out the credit card and then have a stroke when the statement comes and says “USPS…five hundred dollars.”
    I only write three checks a month. It’d be cheaper to tote them to the takin’ place. 🥴

    Liked by 1 person

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