Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #83

As Zelda walked into the Gamma Bamma Slamma sorority house for her interview, she was not at all disturbed by the exuberant smoking, the obvious fact that none of them had a professional stylist, or even the aura of possible lesbianism. She was, however, a bit concerned that no one was using the perfectly available couch to the left, a detail that spoke of a herd mentality that Zelda found rather dreary and uninspiring. She decided not to proceed with the interview, and she turned to make her way to the front door so she could flee and get a fresh, nonconformist breath of fresh air. As her hand reached for the knob, another hand stopped her.

“Please don’t go.”

Zelda’s eyes followed the intrusive hand up to a face. “Who are you and why are you touching my hand in a manner that could be considered foreplay in certain situations?”

Face: “My name is Ingrid Montoya. You thrilled my father. Prepare to fly.”

Zelda snatched her hand back. “That sounds like a misquoted quote from a book that hasn’t yet been written and a movie that hasn’t been filmed. It’s not really polite to get into a meta conversation with someone you’ve just met. I don’t trust you, and I clearly cannot choose the wine before me.”

Ingrid: “Your mind is a secret garden and the walls are very high.”

Zelda: “You just did it again, with the meta thing.”

Ingrid: “And you keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. And you just did it yourself, with the wine reference that came out of the blue but seems to make sense.”

Zelda: “You’re right. I don’t know where it’s coming from but it sort of feels good, even though I normally don’t revel in absurdist fantasy because I’m such a cynic.”

Ingrid: “Cynics are simply thwarted romantics.”

Zelda: “Romantic? Is that what this situation is?”

Ingrid: “I’ll tell you the truth and it’s up to you to live with it.”

Zelda: “It seems I made a poor decision about the wine-choosing. I must learn to embrace the moment. And in that spirit, what should we do next, Buttercup?”

Ingrid: “I think we should have fun storming the castle and go tell those twits in the other room that life isn’t fair, but it’s fairer than death, and we should all embrace who we are instead of trying to conform to something we are not.”

Zelda: “As you wish. Let’s go.”


Note: Yes, folks, an entire post full of sometimes-mangled quotes from “The Princess Bride”. If you haven’t seen the movie (a wonderful thing) or read the book (even better), this missive might leave you cold. This is how it must be with the choices we make. After all, when I was your age, television was called books…

Previously published in “Crusty Pie” (mere snippet) and “Bonnywood Manor” (The William Goldman Remix). Slight changes made for this post.


34 replies »

    • So you remember when TV was called books? Well, when I was your age, Whippersnapper, I too could remember all the good bits from Princess Bride. I could quote Firefly, and even recite entire Monty Python skits in a terrible British accent. Good times…

      Alas, those days are over. Now I sometimes can’t remember words and end up calling stuff “thingy” and using emojis instead.

      What was I commenting on? Oh yes, your blog thingy. 👏

      Liked by 2 people

    • KBG: Now, now. Not everyone can be as pretty as we are.

      Barb: I have no idea what you’re talking about with this “not remembering things”. I have a wafer-thin memory. Now, who are you and what you doing in my house? 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  1. I’m curious now – what was Ingrid’s true quote. BTW joking around the other day I inferred that the Lone Ranger’s horse was actually named Buttercup. Doesn’t that create a picture for the old series?

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I recognized Princes Bride from the first reference. And I agree–the book is even better than the movie. I had the good fortune to read the book before the movie was made. But it’s still a great movie. J.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yes; Peter Falk as the grandfather makes a good replacement framing story, but there’s so much more substance to the original. Oh, well, William Goldman wrote both the book and the movie. I guess he knew what he was doing. J.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. At least they didn’t suck five minutes of someone’s life away… or DID they? I never did admire shifty men with polydactyly….and that giant walnut thingie that the possibly dead hero of “Princess Bride” was expected to swallow (even if it was covered with a thin layer of chocolate), was inconceivable. The Dread Pirate had lots to answer for…..

    Liked by 1 person

    • See, now you’re reminding me of lots of other trigger points about this movie. I might just have to get my ass on the Internet and find appropriate pics for some sequels to this warped warble…


  4. Gamma Bamma Slamma was gold, pure gold, and then you hit diamond level with sometimes mangled quotes from a perfect movie.
    You outdid yourself. But please, remember to get some rest. If you haven’t got your health, you haven’t got anything.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Mangled quotes might be the very thing that saves me from obscurity. Or they will ensure that’s where I land. Life is a fulcrum.

      And your quote has me itching once again to watch the movie, just to gather another basket of words to mangle…

      Liked by 1 person

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