Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #443

Vivien: “I see that you are sweating. Are you finally ready to admit that you want me more than anything in the world?”

Marlon: “Nope, that’s not it. Some drunk guy on Bourbon Street threw his beer at me.”

Vivien: “Oh, so that’s the game you’re playing. Making up stories about airborne beverages instead of accepting the fact that you are smitten with my neurotic coyness.”

Marlon: “How are you coming up with that? I just want to change my shirt and go finish my shift at the fish market.”

Vivien: “Fish market? How crude of you to use such an analogy.”

Marlon: “What? Look, I don’t know what’s wrong with you, but I don’t have time for it. I’m gonna hop in the shower and then go somewhere that you are not.” Marlon stomps into the bathroom, slamming the door but not realizing that it doesn’t stay closed because somebody has jacked with the jamb, and then he proceeds to fiddle with the hot water faucet. Steam quickly fills the small room.

Vivien whips out her cellphone and sends a quick text. “Thanks 4 throwing beer. Plan in motion. Sending fee to PayPal account.” Then Vivien smiles.


Previously published in “Crusty Pie” and “Bonnywood Manor”. Revised and extended for this post.


Three minutes later…

Unable to restrain her surging passions, Vivien races into the sultry sanitation station and rips back the shower curtain. Then she lets loose with a startling shriek, a bouquet of alarm, with hints of surprise, befuddlement and an undertone of woody disappointment.

Woman in Shower: “Girl, what’s up with you screaming like that?”

Vivien: “What’s up with ME? Who the hell are YOU?”

Woman: “I’m Janet Leigh.”

Vivien: “What are you doing in my shower?”

Janet: “Did you not read the last blog post? It’s called a theme.”

Vivien: “I don’t follow.”

Janet: “Well, you’re not alone. Lots of people don’t follow Bonnywood.”

Vivien: “I’m so confused.”

Janet: “So was the man I made get out of the shower so we could set this plot point in motion.”


24 replies »

    • It very well could be. I just took a gander in my often-blasphemous archives, and there are a surprising number of old posts that feature or at least reference “Psycho”. I’m not sure what that says about me, but I feel compelled to keep saying it… 😉


  1. Blanche swung her head around, her nose twitching. Twitching rapidly which was never a good thing. This time though, there was solid reason.
    Blanche (aka actress whose name I always forget): What is that smell!? O my – it’s eau de essence of sweaty hot man
    Brando: Aw buzz off. I’m busy and you’re bothering me!
    Blanche: Oh be still my beating heart (fans self with open palm and flutters incredibly short eyelashes at the sweating personage)
    Brando: I need a shower and some peace and quiet! Can’t a man just find some peace?
    Blanche: (leaping on the double entrendre like a duck on a june bug) You need a piece? I got a few to spare…..big boy.
    Brando: Oh brother.
    Blanche: If you wanna invite him too, well I’m easy. As if you hadn’t picked up on THAT.
    Brando: Aw do what you want, it’s too small a place for the four of us.
    Blanche: Four? I count three…unless you’re talking about the invisible brother you’ve been teasing me with..
    Brando: No. No brother. I’m talking about you, your sister, me and YOUR BIG FAT EGO you faded alleged beauty of days long gone by!
    Blanche: Well I NEVER.
    Brando: Yeah you did. The whole graduating class from Mr. Richards’ School for Wayward Youth can testify to that… now excuse me. I have my head to shave and a movie entitled “Apocalypse Now” to go audition for. No women required…

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s just like you were there! Only not in the same room. And telling a different story. But other than that, spot on!

      By the way, not everyone at Richard’s Wayward Academy was involved in the harvesting of Blanche’s turnips. Some of us were off in the cornfield, learning about cobs and such… 😉


  2. Norman: What’s a text?
    Marlon: Ask Vivien.
    Norman: Vivien? Now I’m confused too. Where’s Janet? And I keep hearing streetcars. Is that just an auditory hallucination or am I on the wrong set?
    Mother: You were born on the wrong set. Now go be a good boy and fix me a nice cup of tea. I’m feeling a little dehydrated.

    Liked by 2 people

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