Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #188

Dr. Machismo, addressing his Psychology 101 class: “Students, in this classic snapshot, the photographer has managed to capture the full range of male sexuality. A lovely maiden is simply trying to transport a freshly-picked butternut squash to the Rome apartment of her beloved grandmother, Mary Elizabeth Catherine Marie Adele di Vesuvius, so they can make a nice casserole for the upcoming Festival of Gourds. Despite her possible lesbianism (note the sandals, which are clear forerunners of the eventual Birkenstocks, not that there’s anything wrong with any of the three), our unfortunate maiden is subjected to the passive-aggressive nature of men in large groups.

The two men on the far left, who appear to be related due to their matching outfits, are in the preliminary stages of determining the best chauvinistic response. The grandson, new to the world of objectifying women, is a bit at a loss and is patiently waiting for Grandpa to provide guidance. Sadly, Grandpa did not take his meds this morning and is having some clarity issues concerning the perceived gender of the approaching maiden, and therefore Grandson is not really going to learn anything today.

The man seated at the miniature table is clearly lit from too much chianti-imbibing, so he needs to be thrown out of the statistical analysis, especially since he appears to be gazing lustily upon the ass of one of the other chauvinists.

The next two men, who we’ll call Neander and Thal, are obviously operating under the misconception that vigorously groping their genitals is completely acceptable and will somehow brighten the maiden’s day. It will not. Both of these men are pigs, end of story. Severe counseling would normally be advised for these two, but really, there’s probably no hope for a return to decency.

Directly behind the maiden, in front of the surprisingly-large door, we have three members of the gospel choir from St. Marie-Claire’s Church of Tithing, practicing a cantata for the Festival of Tax-Free Giving. Only one of the trio is even aware that a woman has walked by, so their input in this study is negligible. Still, there’s a measurable aura of disdain for the strolling gourd-carrier, as the one guy is presumably jealous about the fashionable shawl that the maiden is sporting.

To the right of the choir, we have another trio, this one involving Archie Bunker, an additional Groper, and a man who may or may not be using a walking stick as overcompensation for a visually insignificant manhood. They are all openly staring at the maiden, not necessarily being aggressive but still unaware that their ogling is offensive. These men are the baseline of this study, as they represent the typical male: essentially tame but baffled by women who don’t instantly worship them as owners of a penis.

Travelling further to the right, we now have that odd tableau concerning the Vespa-like motorbike. At first glance, and even at second glance, it seems that we are being presented with the imagery of Neil Patrick Harris and Kevin Spacey on some sort of motorized, impromptu outing. What this has to do with anything is not immediately evident, but they both seem to be happy.

Directly behind the Vespa tryst, we have a cast member from “The Sopranos” and a dapper Joe Biden, both of them confused about exactly what the hell is going on in this scene. Which is precisely how most non-psychotic men feel when encountering the opposite sex…”


(Originally published in “Crusty Pie” and “Bonnywood Manor”. In that second post, a very thoughtful guest at Bonnywood pointed out that this photo can be uncomfortable for some folks who have been objectified. This is a very valid observation, and here is the link which details the story of the women behind the creation of this photo. It’s an interesting read, should you care to pursue.)


Shortly after this photo was taken…

Joe Biden: “Did you know I’m the front-runner for the Democratic nomination for President?”

The Butternut Squash: “Did you know that two weeks ago you weren’t?”

Joe: “But I have lots of people endorsing me now.”

The Vespa: “I had lots of people endorsing me at one time. People are fickle. One day you rule the world and the next day you end up as a feature in a vintage magazine.”

Joe: “But I have lots of experience and I’m open to everyone.”

The Surprisingly Large Door: “Me too! But I didn’t get the nomination.”

Joe: “Look, do you want to waste your vote on a candidate that cannot win or do you want to beat Donald Trump in 2020?”

Butternut VespaDoor: “Well, if you put it that way…”

Joe: “I’ll put it wherever I need to put it in order to get the job done.”

Dr. Machismo: “Misogynistic expressions like that are what led to this post in the first place. Perhaps we weren’t paying attention. Let’s review once again. And take notes this time.”

Joe: “Did I say something I shouldn’t have?”

Hillary Clinton: “When did you NOT do something you shouldn’t have? Oh, sorry Joe. I thought I was talking to Bill.”


20 replies »

  1. Especially love the post script conversation. I do not like him, but I would be surprised if Biden beats Trump.

    As for the psychology in the picture – brilliant description of a large number of numbnuts in this world. There is a specimen missing in this picture, though. But it is a boring one.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I think the whole presidential race is in flux right now. Covid-19, and Trump’s inept bungling of the situation, could very well be the game changer. (It would be a little bit pathetic if THAT is what brings him down, considering his much more reprehensible actions, but still.) We’ll see.

      As for the missing specimen, care to share?


      • Would love to see Trump beat; we’ll see. I’m not getting my hopes up that a rational of man will beat an emotional old man… People vote emotionally.

        The missing specimen is the modern man who, especially in public, tends to see human beings. He looks at both pretty women and pretty men, ogles neither, catcalls never, and expects the same of either gender in the workforce. There are not many of those, but I know for a fact they exist. The only place they see a gender difference is once you’re naked.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Response to the first part: There was a time when I could predict election results with a respectable degree of accuracy. We no longer live in that time…

          Response to the second part: I really like the thought process here, and since you’ve opened up, I’ll open up as well. Said thought process doesn’t seem to synch up with your numbered “spider” posts. I admire the writing, really do, but I’m having a bit of a struggle with the depiction, and treatment, of women. Am I missing something? Help me find the light…


          • Two notes: I never said I was one of those men (though I try to be). Secondly, the spider story is a fictional one; it’s a horror story that is meant to scare a little. It’s not meant for inspiration to action (doh). By #Thirteen you may like the twist. There’s an epilogue, but #Thirteen is the last chapter.
            And oh, as for make sexuality – there’s only consentual sex in the posts. And murder. I will never let my protagonist rape. Ever.

            I can at this point not give you any more background to the story. I don’t want to ruin the suspense.

            Liked by 1 person

            • Okay, then. I will take another run at the numbered spiders. But not just yet, as it’s late and I’m nodding a bit. Instead, I’ll end the evening by flopping around in a turnip field and muttering something about “never going hungry again”, because it’s just not Bonnywood unless I work in a movie reference at really inappropriate times. Cheers.

              Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Brian, the link seems to be missing. This is starting to be a thing with me …

    Speaking of missing links, several of which are in this photo, I do hope that Biden turns out to be the bridge needed to oust the Tramp. Don’t know much about him or his policies, but he’s got to be better, right?

    Hilarious post, btw. My M wanted to know why I was chortling away. 😀

    Liked by 2 people

    • Biden would not be my first personal choice, but at this point I do think he’s the best option for a win. But American politics are fickle, and who knows that the situation might be in a mere few weeks…

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Great article. “Harmless” huh? Yeah, to who? It’s NOT flattering, it’s creepy. Anyway…

    The whole Biden thing…🤬 The ‘Rich White Men’s Club’ won’t let Bernie make all those changes that would help us poor average citizens. It makes me furious! I’m extremely disappointed with Kamala for supporting Biden. Ah well… it’s not like the popular vote actually counts🙄🤬

    Liked by 2 people

    • I hear ya. I’m all for more progressive programs that will help the poor average citizen. (And I don’t agree with the folks who say “there’s no way to pay for all that mess”. Yes, there is. Make the rich and the corporations pay their fair share of taxes and stop creating pointless, hugely-expensive wars. Done.) Still, much of the nation is center or center-right, and they are afraid of leftist policies and the word “socialism”, even though this country has technically been socialist since the first taxes were levied. It sucks.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. A more overt display of machismo I have yet to see. The fact that it was not staged makes it all the more sad. You feel times slowly change, and yet Harvey has just now gotten his comeuppance.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Wow , seriously nice to get a post “like” from your side , thanks a lot for spending your precious time in my blog page, looking forward for your comments and constructive feedbacks in my blogging journey.
    Thanks & Regards

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I can’t count the number of times I had to run this gauntlet when I was young. A lot younger. Just seeing it makes me cringe.
    Now, men no longer open doors for me. If I let the hair go gray, they might.

    Liked by 1 person

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