Anne hit the perfect-husband jackpot when she found a man who did what he was told, didn’t have to be fed, never argued, put her on a pedestal, and provided her with an endless supply of luxury footwear. Of course, procreation was going to prove interesting, and she would probably need a tetanus shot, but even the best relationships have their little challenges. Then, one day, Anne’s interstellar world was rocked.
Anne: “What did you just say to me?”
Robby the Robot: “I believe I clearly stated that I have been giving shoes to other women.”
Anne: “How could you do such a thing? After all the things I haven’t done for you!”
Robby: “I assure you it was not a difficult task. I did exactly what I’m doing right now, slipping a high-end slipper to a woman who is mildly-aroused at such a proffering. Except it wasn’t you sitting on the ladder pedestal. And now that I mention it, perhaps you should run a sanitary wipe across the top of that ladder.”
Anne: “I can’t believe this! Just how many other women have you been sharing shoes with?”
Robby: “I’m still processing the data, but if I had to make a rough estimation, I believe the figure would be somewhere around 412.7 units.”
Anne: “Four hundred women? That’s insane!”
Robby: “No, it’s merely the result of my high-performance capabilities. I was designed to be productive and I am merely meeting the requirements of my service agreement. Don’t hate me for being bountiful.”
Anne: “But that’s all you do, right? Give them shoes? You don’t…. do any of these other women need a tetanus shot as well?”
Robby: “I cannot speak to their specific inoculation needs. I met most of them on strappy sandals dot com and we didn’t exactly share medical histories. But I can say that my specific grade of synthetic metal should not show up on their CAT scans.”
Anne: “Okay. So it’s just a foot fetish, then? It doesn’t go beyond that?”
Robby: “Regretfully, there is some degree of going beyond. After the sacred presentational ceremony, I often retire to the service closet and… recycle my oil.”
Anne: “Oh my God!”
Robby: “No, I am not a god. If you wish for me to be one, you’ll have to order the upgrade software from Macrohard Industries. I understand they are running a special at the moment, so if you call now you’ll get free shipping and a bonus program that will allow me to walk on water.”
Previously published as “Past Imperfect – #107”. Slight changes made for this post. I pulled this one out of the archives after being triggered by a clever piece that Rivergirl shared at River’s World. She is completely innocent in the matter, so don’t judge her harshly for any malfeasance on my part (such as the “recycling” bit), but do visit her blog, if you get the chance. She’s great fun.
Categories: Humor
Bonnywood Manor 
This reminds me of a story I read when I was still capable of reading stories. But dang, I cant remember what it was called or who wrote it.😠
Does anyone know how to get ahold of Scooby, Scrappy and the gang?? I’ve got a mystery here.🤪
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I remember that story, too! Okay, I really don’t. I was just trying to be supportive but then the guilt kicked in really fast between the sentences.
But I do happen to have Scooby and Scrappy on speed dial. But not The Gang. We had a falling out of over the ownership of a turtle-neck sweater…
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That’s not a robot! That’s a rubber suit person! She’s really been had, in more ways than one. 😉
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Well, the poor thing was never the sharpest tool in the shed… 😉
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Are we sure that ‘woman’ with the robot is not a man in a suit?
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I’ve never been sure of anything since the truth came out about the Tooth Fairy…
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Who has a sanitary wipe these days?
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😆 Perhaps “Robby” there had a hidden stash, just for such occasions. I imagine even the olfactory ‘sense’ in a robot thingie could get offended if the smell of dead fish was really strong….
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Peggy: We have a very limited supply. And Cleo the Cat guards them fiercely, so don’t get any ideas.. 😉
Melanie: And now I don’t ever want to use a sanitary wipe again. Thank you for helping me grow as a person… 😉
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Oh my total pleasure! 😆 It might pay to rethink your kind and warm hearted invitation for me to speak up again. See what appears when I do speak? I blame it on a lack of sanitary wipes (well that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.) Just don’t open that closet in the hall. You could be the victim of an avalanche….
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Yep, I know about those closets. We have two of them that have been nailed shut for the safety of mankind…
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I hear that… 😉
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Robbie the robot providing souls to women for decades…
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Ah, clever, you are, DC of the Dear…
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Sex machine ? 😀
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It’s been a while since I qualified as one of those, but thank you for asking… 😉
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I was hoping I was the inspiration for this… although you did him far more justice.
😉
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Yep, you are now officially one of the muses of Bonnywood. I’ll send you a gift basket and a modest crown…
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I’ll wear it proudly.
The basket, not the crown. That would be tacky….
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Alas, poor vamping Anne; From specialized fittings to pumps then curly toed shoes, and now reduced to end-of-the-line knock-offs. Never trust a robot. Heartless bastards.
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Sometimes we have to learn some really tough lessons in life. Especially when factory warranties expire…
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Wow, did I ever get this wrong. From the photo I thought it was the Cinderella story updated for Covid-19. Stay safe, Disney princess, stay safe. The mind shrinks in isolation! cheers.
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I think I like your interpretation better. Damn it… 😉
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Wrong is still wrong!
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Personally, I wouldn’t complain if I were in Anne’s shoes (*cough*).
Hey, did I tell you I bought a pair of shoes online and they arrived yesterday? Très chic! (I know, I know… I’ll seek help. Promise.)
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I have grown to accept your exuberant penchant, to the point that nothing phases me now. Except buying shoes online. On, it’s fine for some, I suppose. But I can’t do it, as I have extra wide feet, and I have to try possibilities on before I make a financial decision….
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I only do it with brands I know, whose fit is a certainty for me. Also, only in times of crisis.
Crisis shoe shopping – not a concept you hear often, eh?
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Haha, caught my attention from the get-go.
Nicely written! 😄
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Bonnywood is full of these twisty little stories. Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to make a comment!
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I enjoyed this very much and got quite a few laughs from it. Thanks.
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I’m glad you enjoyed it. And thanks for stopping by and taking the time to make a comment!
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