Humor

The Corona Chronology: Day 30

Note: During these troubling times with the pernicious pandemic, wherein we are all cloistering in place, we sometimes learn things we didn’t really want to know about each other, as evidenced by this dusty dialogue from the archives…

 

Past Imperfect – #181

 

William: “What the hell are you doing?”

Gloria: “I’m doing what I do best. I’m being overly dramatic about everything in my life.”

William: “But doesn’t that just wear you out after a while? I’m already tired and I’m just watching you.”

Gloria: “That’s because you’re young. The young are stupid and pointless.”

William: “Maybe so, but at least I had the sense to duck under the tractor beam that is about to lock onto your melodramatic ass and whisk you away to another planet where they don’t have any respect for silent film stars. Are you ready for your probe close-up?”

Gloria: “Honey, if they’ve got the courage to get near my ass, they’re welcome to it. Now where’s that gin you promised me.”

William: “I don’t recall making such a promise. Were you already drinking when you thought you heard somebody say they’d bring you one?”

Gloria: “Of course you promised, when you agreed to be my personal assistant. It goes without saying that personal assistants should always be prepared to bring gin. That’s just how things are done.”

William: “But I’m not your personal assistant. I’m here to help you revise that script you’ve been banging on since this country was founded.”

Gloria: “You say potato, I say somebody needs to bring me some gin or this evening is not going to be pleasant for anyone. Those with lesser constitutions will not survive until dinner is served.”

William, sighing: “Fine. I’ll fetch your libation.” He walks two steps to the ornately-carved Art Deco bar, clinking around briefly. “Say, all these bottles are empty. Do you have more?”

Gloria: “Of course I do, down in the basement. In the Gin Cellar. Don’t you have one of those? We all do on this end of the boulevard.”

William: “Haven’t gotten around to putting one in yet. I need to have a basement first. Be right back.”

Gloria: “Oh, and Bill?…”

William, tersely: “Yes?”

Gloria: “You might run into one of my ex-husbands while you’re down there. Be a dear and don’t let him out of the cage, no matter what he promises you.”

William: “You have got to be kidding me.”

Gloria: “I would never kid about such a thing. Refusal to pay alimony is a very serious affair, just ask anyone on this end of the boulevard. Now run hurry. This UFO is starting to give me a headache.”

William, exiting and muttering: “I hope they beam you up, Sottie.”

Gloria: “What was that?”

William: “Nothing.”

 

Previously published. Slight changes made for this post.

 

22 replies »

  1. Yup, I learned a few things I didn’t want to know: that I truly hate Donnie’s cigarette-stain coloured flyaway hair helmet; how desperately I would need to change the channel whenever his prow comes sailing into view; Donnie’s scalp is the same shade of cigarette stain as the rest of him (do the weaver birds come and take his hair away before he gets in the roasting pan .. er, tanning booth?) I really don’t need to know any of this or want my brain to go there.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Why anyone about to exit stage left via tractor beam with the chance of being Alien-probed would give the aforesaid Alien the finger is beyond me. However when you’re outside a quart of Bombay gin things tend to get a tad fuzzy.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. William’s line: “But doesn’t that just wear you out after a while? I’m already tired and I’m just watching you.”
    Exactly! Don’t these silly people tire of their constant drama? Seriously, it baffles me. Surely even they get tired of living in the spotlight?
    Of course, as we all know by daily new conferences, the answer is no. They never tire of the spotlight and their deepest fear is that one day their bulb might burn out.
    That day can never come too soon.

    Liked by 1 person

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