1. How do music CD cases get those annoying cracks in the plastic? Is it planned obsolescence on the part of the manufacturer? Was there a barfight that I don’t know about? Is the CD case self-harming, because I haven’t bothered to listen to it in 27 years? (Sorry, Michael Bolton. Apparently, I can live without you.)
2. How do we manage to go through so many spoons in this house? I know I washed every spoon that we own, like yesterday, and we own a lot of them because of this very Bermuda Triangle aspect. Yet I just checked the cutlery drawer and there is only a single spoon in the spoon slot, cowering in fear over whatever the hell is happening in this house.
3. How is it possible that the current average cost of one year of college is more than what some entire families earn in that same year? We’re obviously doing something wrong here.
4. How do some people reach the comfort level where they think it’s okay to appear in public without any hint of personal hygiene? I mean, I grew up in rural Oklahoma, where some people would date livestock, but at least I have the sense to power-wash the original sin off my ass before I head out the door.
5. Do you ever wonder if we will reach the point when the trees get sick of being cut down and they start fighting back? How would you feel if you were simply living your life, contributing to society with your beneficial photosynthesis, and some yahoo comes at you with a chainsaw because some other yahoo wants a butcher-block countertop?
6. Does anybody know how much a postage stamp costs these days? Five dollars? No idea. I haven’t activated an adhesive square with my tongue since Lincoln activated John Wilkes Booth.
7. Will we ever see the day when somebody invents a candle jar where all the wax in the jar actually melts? I’m not amused when the middle of the candle burns all the way to Hades, but there’s still a volcanic crater formation clinging to the glass.
8. Why are so many people still going to Chick-fil-A? You do know they serve Hate Chicken, right? Yet there’s always a massive line at the drive-thru. Except on Sunday, which means they observe one aspect of The Bible, but not any of that “love thy neighbor” mess.
9. Do you also rue the day when social media was invented? There was a time when most of us survived quite nicely without knowing the intricate details of 2,000 “friends” sharing their bowel movements on Facebook.
10. Am I the only one who is horrified by the degradation of their penmanship in this digital world? I rarely write anything out anymore, and when I do, it looks like I’m being violated by a wildebeest during the writing. I am now that ancient great-aunt who used to scribble something or other on her annual childhood birthday cards to me, yet I had no idea what she was saying. But I still pocketed the five-dollar bill tucked in the card.
11. Do you ever wake up and think “this is the day when I am going to slap every stupid person I encounter, because I’m done with that mess”? Honestly, that’s a typical morning for me. But I’m usually over it by noon, because the stupid are legion and there’s only so much time in the day.
12. Do you ever wonder what happens to some people that makes them so irrevocably bitter? I’ve been through some major crap-fests in my life, but I refuse to let the hope-light burn out, even if it’s a bit dim at times. Personally, I think many of those bitter people have created their own turmoil out of nothing, never having gone through anything that truly justifies their antipathy. Because when you fall, hard, and you suffer, miserably, you gain an understanding, an empathy for everyone who has fallen. Imagined fear of difference is a useless volcanic candle that sputters pointlessly, having nowhere to go but down.
13. Will we ever reach a point when everyone realizes that we are all in this together?
14. Will we ever cast aside the senseless shackles of needing to prove that anyone is any better than anyone else?
15. Will we ever, finally, make sure that everyone has a spoon in the cutlery drawer?