1. How do music CD cases get those annoying cracks in the plastic? Is it planned obsolescence on the part of the manufacturer? Was there a barfight that I don’t know about? Is the CD case self-harming, because I haven’t bothered to listen to it in 27 years? (Sorry, Michael Bolton. Apparently, I can live without you.)
2. How do we manage to go through so many spoons in this house? I know I washed every spoon that we own, like yesterday, and we own a lot of them because of this very Bermuda Triangle aspect. Yet I just checked the cutlery drawer and there is only a single spoon in the spoon slot, cowering in fear over whatever the hell is happening in this house.
3. How is it possible that the current average cost of one year of college is more than what some entire families earn in that same year? We’re obviously doing something wrong here.
4. How do some people reach the comfort level where they think it’s okay to appear in public without any hint of personal hygiene? I mean, I grew up in rural Oklahoma, where some people would date livestock, but at least I have the sense to power-wash the original sin off my ass before I head out the door.
5. Do you ever wonder if we will reach the point when the trees get sick of being cut down and they start fighting back? How would you feel if you were simply living your life, contributing to society with your beneficial photosynthesis, and some yahoo comes at you with a chainsaw because some other yahoo wants a butcher-block countertop?
6. Does anybody know how much a postage stamp costs these days? Five dollars? No idea. I haven’t activated an adhesive square with my tongue since Lincoln activated John Wilkes Booth.
7. Will we ever see the day when somebody invents a candle jar where all the wax in the jar actually melts? I’m not amused when the middle of the candle burns all the way to Hades, but there’s still a volcanic crater formation clinging to the glass.
8. Why are so many people still going to Chick-fil-A? You do know they serve Hate Chicken, right? Yet there’s always a massive line at the drive-thru. Except on Sunday, which means they observe one aspect of The Bible, but not any of that “love thy neighbor” mess.
9. Do you also rue the day when social media was invented? There was a time when most of us survived quite nicely without knowing the intricate details of 2,000 “friends” sharing their bowel movements on Facebook.
10. Am I the only one who is horrified by the degradation of their penmanship in this digital world? I rarely write anything out anymore, and when I do, it looks like I’m being violated by a wildebeest during the writing. I am now that ancient great-aunt who used to scribble something or other on her annual childhood birthday cards to me, yet I had no idea what she was saying. But I still pocketed the five-dollar bill tucked in the card.
11. Do you ever wake up and think “this is the day when I am going to slap every stupid person I encounter, because I’m done with that mess”? Honestly, that’s a typical morning for me. But I’m usually over it by noon, because the stupid are legion and there’s only so much time in the day.
12. Do you ever wonder what happens to some people that makes them so irrevocably bitter? I’ve been through some major crap-fests in my life, but I refuse to let the hope-light burn out, even if it’s a bit dim at times. Personally, I think many of those bitter people have created their own turmoil out of nothing, never having gone through anything that truly justifies their antipathy. Because when you fall, hard, and you suffer, miserably, you gain an understanding, an empathy for everyone who has fallen. Imagined fear of difference is a useless volcanic candle that sputters pointlessly, having nowhere to go but down.
13. Will we ever reach a point when everyone realizes that we are all in this together?
14. Will we ever cast aside the senseless shackles of needing to prove that anyone is any better than anyone else?
15. Will we ever, finally, make sure that everyone has a spoon in the cutlery drawer?
Cheers.
Categories: Reflections
Bonnywood Manor 
https://monthlycritic.wordpress.com/2020/05/23/capone/ My latest review if you fancy reading. Keep writing. It’s good.
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Thank you! I’ll be checking out your blog…
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I can donate some spoons AND some stamps.
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Thank you for your thoughtfulness in this matter. It’s been a troubling time… 😉
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And why is it that new socks barely make it through one wearing anymore?
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Right? There was a time when socks lasted forever and they could even be donated to those in need. (Been there, accepted that.) But now? A stiff wind on a morning jog will leave them in tatters…
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Many thought-ticklers there. Even spoons. Never thought that I could be tickled with a spoon, but there we go.
And activating adhesive on stamps must be ten years gone, all self adhesive these days aren’t they? Anyway, you’ll probably have to find another use for your tongue and five dollars.
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Finally, somebody understands my combined desires for tongue-usage and a steady revenue stream. You complete me. 😉
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i love these deep questions, inquiring minds want to know
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Inquiring minds should ALWAYS want to know. Sadly, many minds these days are not inquiring, and that’s how Trump got elected… 😉
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an excellent point
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hahah. Loved this! I believe some people are on a ‘lime sucking’ diet. Oh and the spoons are having relations with the salt shakers. Late nights, a little spice . . . you get the picture.
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I always suspected that there might be some nefarious goings-on concerning the cutlery and the condiments. Thank you for supporting my delusions… 😉
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I am 100% with you and all of these… except #11 (fun fact: 11 is a powerful number in my life. It makes itself known on odd ways and bizarre times) anywho… we cant slap the stoopid peoples. Not unless you have full HazMat gear.
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You’re right, I need to settle down with my dreams of slapping the useless. It’s pointless and ultimately unsatisfying, since the Stoopid Brigade is named such for a reason: They can’t process reality. Still, a good wallop every now and then? I yearn for such, screw my karma…
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My non-brief comment posted in blog post form (with all due credit given to you). Cheers!
http://sparksfromacombustiblemind.com/2020/05/24/blog-oddities/
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I devoured your post with glee, and rhapsodized about thee, which makes me a poet, thought I didn’t know it, and,,,, well, dang, I can’t think of a rhyme for the final line of this limerick. Sometimes I suck at this… 😉
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Wasn’t #5 the premise for M. Night Shyamalan’s terrible film The Happening? And watch out for that one spoon–you know the one, the one that you don’t know where the hell it came from, but it’s always the first one you get:-)
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Interesting M. Night reference. I hadn’t really considered that angle (perhaps distracted by the tinfoil hats?) but you are spot on.
And somewhere, buried deep in the archives, is a rambling missive about THAT SPOON at Grandma’s house. I still shudder…
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Ooh find it! I have a minor rant about a fork that it would pair well with😁
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Damn, and here I was about to send you a FB friend invite…. but if you’re not interested in our bowel movements? There’s really no point.
Now let’s talk about that livestock dating. I’ve always found cows to be emotionally detached.
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Oh, come on. You know we should be Facebook Friends, if only so you can analyze how deeply warped my psychosis might be.
As for the emotional detachment of cows, I believe I can share some enlightenment about that. In a private message, of course… 😉
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That’s probably the kind of enlightenment I can do without.
😉
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Beautifully and entertainingly written once more, Brian. Humour hope and humanity in the face of division and diversionary tactics Ok, let’s hit the list. 1/ Michael Bolton- forget the case, deface the disc. 2/ Check behind clothes dryer- It’s the elephant graveyard for odd socks so maybe… 3/ Capital/elitism- ain’t no learning unless Pop’s earning at least 200K. Or you’re Lori Loughlin. 4/ Stay upwind, or shut in. 5/ Stumps me. 6/ Frankly, no. 7/ ‘Never ever handle a used glass encased candle without the proper gloves, safety goggles and upgraded health insurance.’ Yours etc, Scarred And Burned For Life. 8/ ‘A little extra salmonella with this, Sir?’ 9/ See number 8; 2000 + wretched chastened Chick Fil A consumers. 10/ If I’m required to sign any legal document lately I’d better check to see what my John Hancock has devolved into now? Of late, at best it looks like a flat line with a random dot. 11/ Only two hands, too many dumb f… folks. 12/ Bitterness; thats the taking of that last precious piece of empathy, of trying to see some soul and reasonableness in two differing points of view, then gently, reverently laying it down, only to watch it be trampled into the dust. Some try to rise when they fall, others just want to keep you down there. And take steps to keep you down there. Because that’s the place they, in their wisdom, allocate for you. Of course, they always think right’s on their side. That kind of reasoning has, always, forever and ever, Amen, been- literally- their no-brainer.
13/ Sadly and ironically, and it pains me to say it, but nope. As exhibit A, might I show how well the good people have joined together as one, in the unmasked face of a pandemic that keeps a’rolling on to take a toll of 100,000 real actual people? So far. And ain’t that sad? I know sad is what it makes me. 14/ ‘And taking that GreaT question for the Red Team is…’ 15/ ‘Yessir, aisle seven, plastic spoons, a buck buys you a bucketful.’
Really, I try, I aspire to look at the world with eyes of child-like wonder but the world keeps getting dumbed down. Maybe November might see my outlook brighten. Jeez, I just saw what I wrote… Sorry, this comment took on a schizoid quality. I’m sorta smiling through the tears!
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First and foremost, never fear about anything that you say here. Your heart and soul have amazed me over the course of our digital relationship, and I would never even begin to think that you need to apologize for any of your words. Second, your precision with comedic but heartfelt points is unerringly accurate. Third, this terrific comment is a blog post all on its own, albeit with a slight change in structure. I hope you saved it, because I certainly did. And one of us will be sharing it in the future, in some way. Not a threat, by any means, but a heartfelt handshake that all scribes matter. Paz, amigo.
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Chick-fell-ay – Say Nay.
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Exactly. Defy the Hate Chicken! 😉
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So many thoughts to ponder… I’ll leave with just a few:
2) I have 24 spoons in my utensil drawer because of this issue. No lie. I SHALL NEVER BE SPOONLESS AGAIN!
5) YES! I have thought about this! And now that you mention it, though Aragon and Faramir were pretty hot, my favorite characters in the Lord of the Rings trilogy were the Ents. We need more Ents in this world.
7) Target’s OpalHouse candles come close. At least, close enough, considering they don’t cost as much as others yet smell heavenly.
8) The show “The Good Place” had a funny bit over this. Did you see it?
13) & 14) Let’s keep the hope-light burning, my friend. 🙂
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Mis respuestas:
2. We have 16 spoons, all of them Fiesta, which required us to buy FOUR sets of Fiesta flatware to achieve said aggregate. And yet, we run out of spoons on a daily basis. Something is clearly wrong.
5. Guilty admission: I have not seen any of the “Lord of the RIngs” movies. I heartily embrace you admonitions.
7. Really? [Sounds of scribbling as Brian updates the never-ending shopping list on his phone, with said shopping list feature being of the few functions that he has figured out on said device.]
8. I have been VERY curious about “The Good Place”. Alas, Partner and I have been shoving so many things into our Netflix and Hulu buckets that we may never make it through the rain…
13 and 14. My candle will burn at both ends until the madness stops. Which means I’d best keep the pantry well-stocked until such a time arrives…
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I’m certain there’s a domovoi stealing my spoons in the middle of the night!
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A domovoi, eh? I had to look that up on Google and… yep, that might be the answer right there. I’ll have to do more research… 😉
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