Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #84

The final scene of the play was a smashing success, with critics on their feet, rhapsodizing in the way that certain critics do when they decide to pluck a mundane play out of obscurity and then trumpet it as The Second Coming. Admittedly, the story was mildly powerful and mundanely emotional, with Dorothy managing to bring her lover back from the dead, a feat that most folks don’t have the expertise or frequent flyer miles to accomplish.

In an amazing example of stagecraft and proper lighting overcoming logic gaps in the script, Dorothy achieved her Lazarus machinations whilst sporting an unfortunate bowl-cut hairdo, accented by Princess Leia mini-buns. Such a follicle mishap would normally convince most men that they were probably safer remaining in the spirit world rather than wake up to that mess. But Dorothy succeeded in both chewing the scenery and not getting chewed by her own coiffure, making her performance even more notable. As the famed critic Leonardo Malted shared in his review: “Miss Lamour deftly navigated the turbulent waters wherein the River Bad Costume Design and the River What Were They Thinking both flowed into the Bay of Bad Ideas.”

Dorothy would go on to become a famous Hollywood star, the Revived Lover would turn to alcoholism after discovering that he would have to pay his credit card bills after all, and The Hairdo would eventually win a Tony Award for Best Supporting Actress later that year…


Previously published. Modified somewhat for this post.


17 replies »

  1. Hairdos need to be considered too. Or is that hair stylists? Yes, hair stylists. When I am able to see one after this miserable lockdown, I’m going to kiss her feet. I’m starting to resemble Rapunzel. And not in a good way.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Actually, I must admit that I did consider the Rapunzel angle for a bit, with a focus on letting the locks fall as they may. But then I got a gander of myself in the mirror, and the horrid state of my follicles took my breath away, and not in a good way. I have extremely thick and curly hair. I now look like the poster child for all the things that can go wrong on one’s head. Just say no…

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I don’t think that’s hair on her head. I’m not quite sure what it is, but it’s so smooth and shiny. Maybe an alien helmet of some kind?? An ancient artifact found in some dusty room?? Maybe she used the helmet to perform her Lazarus thingy?🤔

    Maybe I should get some sleep💤… Say Goodnight Gracie.😘

    Liked by 1 person

    • Actually, I think you have a very good point. It’s entirely possible that aliens have infected a certain political party, and we are now suffering the consequences. It makes sense, in a way. I will no longer trust the smooth and shiny… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Are you certain Ms. Lamour didn’t have the circulation to her brain cut off by that evil looking ‘do? It appears to be squeezing the life out of…. oh wait. That was the part played by John Whoshisface..wasn’t it? Not the squeezing hair, but the possibly dead dude.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Her eyes ARE a bit droopy, so there might have been a circulatory issue. As for the possibly dead due, I just now notice his poor excuse for a mustache. THAT was a missed snarky opportunity, dang it…


  4. Okay, yeah, that’s one weird hairdo but mostly because it’s on the wrong actress. In the next studio a little blonde girl was playing the lead in The Bad Seed, yet was given a sexy mid-length coiffure instead.
    This unfortunate switcharoo was due to the hairdresser getting so fed-up with John Howard’s advances that she slipped a mickey in his bourbon, only to discovered she actually slipped him Dorothy’s hair dye which… sadly… was poison.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Wow, you really went dark there, Sister. (As if I’ve never.) But you are spot on with the poor decision to make Patty McCormack’s bad seed a sexy waif. Somebody on the production staff had some special issues…

      Liked by 1 person

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