As they idled in traffic, Gaby, Lois and Sweet Pea (left to right) did their best to pretend that the car door had not fallen off their vehicle, because to acknowledge such would take the spotlight off their expensive couture, and we couldn’t have that. The ease with which they assumed feigned indifference to the things happening around them, a trait which had been bred into their families after generations of affluence and the original concept of social-distancing, was counterbalanced by the sudden appearance of a man at the door that was no longer there.
Gaby: “Driver! There’s a homeless man trying to accost us! I specifically told you to drive on streets that didn’t have such.”
Man: “I’m not homeless. Not that it means I’m better than anyone who is.”
Lois: “Well, you’re walking when you could be riding, so that means you don’t have any money. Someone hide my jewels. I knew we should have moved out of this wretched town when the city council started funding free health clinics.”
Man: “I don’t want your jewels. There are more important things in life.”
Sweet Pea: “I can’t imagine you’re on the guest list for anything that we would attend so I don’t know why you’re here.”
Man: “I was simply going to ask if you needed any assistance with this door lying in the street. The paint color matches, so I’m assuming it’s yours. And none of you look like you’ve ever handled a lug nut in your life.”
Lois: “Oh. Well, I hadn’t really noticed that there was an issue. But what do you expect to get out of it?”
Man: “I’m not expecting anything. When I see somebody in need, I try to help.”
Gaby: “In need? Do you even know who we are?”
Man: “It doesn’t matter who you are. Everybody needs help from time to time.”
Sweet Pea: “I don’t believe you, Fake Homeless Man created by the Fake Media. We were just at the Republican National Convention, and they warned us about people like you who are trying to make life better for everybody. True Americans only look out for themselves. You need to leave us alone or I’ll scream that you’re waging a war on religion.”
Man, sighing, because it wasn’t the first time he had encountered voters who were wrong about what’s right: “Okay, then. I’ll just keep moving. But someday I hope you’ll realize that divisiveness is not the answer to anything.”
Then Jimmy Carter turned and walked away.
Previously published. Some changes made for this post.
Categories: Past Imperfect