Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #583

Left to right…

George: “Pray tell me, fellow Unbobble Heads, what am I looking at down there? Is that one of those orange-topped warthogs I read about in National Spyrographic?”

Tom: “Uh, no. Wrong species, but close. That’s a Trump.”

Teddy: “A trump? What the hell is that? Of course, I’m really not sure what you’re talking about because we’re all looking in different directions. Just like Congress.”

Abe: “I spotted something like that running around on my farm back in the day. I shot it. Cooked it up for dinner, too. It tasted like chicken. And denial.”

George: “I’ve never seen anything like that out here in this neck of the woods, which is saying a lot considering how much the people drink around here. I’m always finding beer cans in my personal crevices. And why is it waving its arms like something is lodged?”

Tom: “I guess you guys are behind with your emails. That’s the current president.”

Teddy: “Of what? Saturn? I can smell the noxious gas from here.”

Abe: “Oh, I did get a text about this, even though I ignored it because civilization managed to survive for thousands of years without social media. That Trump thing is holding a political rally.”

George: “Here? In South Dakota? Did he get this place confused with South Hampton? Or maybe South Beach?”

Tom: “He’s not confused. He’s creating confusion, trying to distract his base of supporters from the fact that his astoundingly inept handling of the Coronavirus pandemic is killing Americans.”

Teddy: “And by his supporters, I suppose you mean that unmasked crowd of people standing in front of him, vacant-eyed and drooling like a cast reunion of the zombie extras in The Walking Dead.”

Abe: “I know that vacant look. I saw it a lot during the Civil War, especially when I issued the Emancipation Proclamation. Some people are stunned by the concept of equality.”

George: “Oh, quit with the glorifying of your role in history. I crossed the damn Delaware River in a crappy boat in the middle of the night in the middle of winter.”

Tom: “Yes, we’re all aware of that water-logged accomplishment. You remind us of it every day. And we can’t get away from your reminders because we’re all stuck on this freakin’ mountain together. Still, let’s face the fact that we’ve led sordid lives. After all, you and I both owned slaves in our pre-chiseled lifetimes.”

Teddy: “I didn’t own any.”

Abe: “You weren’t allowed to. Because of my proclamation. See how that works?”

George: “And at least I didn’t sleep with my slaves, Tommy. Not that I recall. Things got a bit blurry after I chopped down that cherry tree and I had to fess up so there would be a good story about my saintly truthfulness in the carefully-modulated American History books.”

Tom: “Gentlemen, I think we’re getting away from the point. What are we going to do about the orange-topped warthog? He’s lying to the American people. We have to take a stand and stop the zombie madness of people ignoring all the health warnings from people who actually understand science.”

Teddy: “Maybe we should wear face masks to show that real men aren’t afraid of doing the right thing? And real women, even though women still didn’t have the right to vote during my administration and I did nothing to change that.”

Abe: “Well, since we’re already dead, that might not be the right approach. Besides, our faces are bigger than Manhattan, so there’s probably not enough tri-folded material in the world to cover our mugs. There’s a shortage, you know. Another result of the warthog looking for love in all the wrong places and avoiding his responsibilities as a human, never mind his Constitutional duties as a president.”

George: “What if we remind people to vote? This is still a democracy, right? Or did I miss a memo?”

Tom: “You might have missed one. Especially the bit about how YOUR administration established the Electoral College, which allows warthogs to be elected president even if they don’t get the popular vote.”

Teddy: “That thing is still around? Damn. No wonder people are protesting in the streets.”

Abe: “And no wonder that much of America is sitting on their asses and doing nothing to bring about change, because they’re confused about how we got here. Is it any wonder that the rest of the world is no longer impressed with the Crossing of the Delaware?”

George: “But that’s my signature move!”

Tom: “It’s time to move beyond just that.”

Teddy: “Do the right thing after centuries of not doing in America.”

Abe: “And finally embrace the true spirit of emancipation, in all forms, even if all four of us and so many presidents after us failed to do so. Life is messy, progress is difficult, but nobody wins if we refuse to look in the mirror and at least try to answer the hard questions.”


Note: Obviously, I’m painting past presidents in a more-glowing manner than they deserve. But I do dream, and I hope, and I would happily take any of them over the current warthog and his legion of drooling zombies. Shout out to various folks with whom I’ve had comment discussions during the past few days: I hope you don’t mind that I usurped some of our words and used them in this little ditty.



25 replies »

    • It’s just mind-boggling what is going on in this country today. I still believe that most people are decent and kind, but there’s still a huge amount of people out there who worship Trump with manic fervor…

      Liked by 1 person

      • I have to believe they were indoctrinated with a deep seated hatred of all that is not in the realm of their little world. It’s odd to me that they don’t see the disturbing resemblance to all dictators right here under there nose, following him around like Hitler’s Youth.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I hate Mt Rushmore! My ex is Native and Mt Rushmore is the biggest middle finger to all Native people but especially the Lakota tribe.

    Okay, done with that… moving on… I just commented somewhere that I almost miss “W”. I thought things couldn’t get worse than that deer-in-headlights look when they told him about the WTC on 9/11, but if the Orange Idjit is not ejected, there will civil unrest as yet unseen. It will be very, very bad!
    I plan to start my hoarding in late August, just in case.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Angie: I must fess up that I’m feeling a little blue about my editing with this piece. I originally had a section with a Native American giving the middle finger to everyone on the Mount, but it read as too angry and I quietly removed it. I really need to be better about removing filters and just letting ALL of my words out. Sometimes it’s just not healthy to be nice when we are beyond the point of niceness…

      And I’m already hoarding. My mind tells me Trump is going down, but no decent person thought he would get elected in the first place…

      Rivergirl: Partner and I have had the same discussion, multiple times. W’s ineptitude is harmless when compared to Trump’s sociopathy…

      Liked by 1 person

      • I wasn’t harshing you. Just… ugh! I keep trying to come up with a comparison of how horrible it is to destroy THE most sacred place, with the faces of the people who committed genocide against your people.
        Sometimes I just gotta throw some education out there. But I wasn’t harshing you. I know you’re very much “my people” and the Orange Idjit holding his whatever there was so typical. 🤦‍♀️

        I almost miss “W” myself. Hell, even his Daddy wasn’t pure narcissistic evil.
        Do you think we could convince that peanut farmer to run again? He’s like 103 or something isn’t he?
        It’s all too depressing and scary and bad, icky, yucky things…

        Liked by 1 person

        • Oh, I didn’t take it as harshing at all. I don’t think I could.ever be offended by anything you might say, so always feel free to speak your mind at Bonnywood. And throwing out some education is what this country really needs right now. Run with any opportunity you can get.

          I grew up in Oklahoma, where many Native American tribes were forced to relocate, ripped from their homelands. The American government has done, and continues to do in the Trump administration, horrible things to its own people. I will not stop preaching, and neither should you.

          Liked by 1 person

  2. On behalf of warthogs everywhere, please stop besmirching their good name. Reading this made me realize how brilliant it would have been for an anti Trump group to have draped the old boys in giant masks. Talk about a selfie worthy photo.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yes, I really should apologize to the warthogs of the world. I’ve signed up for a special diversity-awareness program…

      And although the old boys weren’t physically draped, there are memes out there with such an image, and the lovely Barb Taub ( used said image when she shared this post on Twitter…

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Wonderful post, Brian. Well said.

    Out of curiosity, I recently looked up the term “trumped up” in Oxford and found that it is “an unexplained variant of triumph.” However, for about the last 400 years, “trumped up” or “trumpery” has meant “cheating and tricking, a numbers game, bad faith, bamboozle, bilk, blackmail, bluff, have an eye to/for the main chance, hoax, hocus-pocus, honeyfuggle, jockey, put one over on.” However, “Biden” is likely derived from “abide” and includes the term “bide one’s time,” to wait quietly for a good opportunity to do something.
    I don’t believe in prophecies, so to me, this is an amazing coincidence.

    Liked by 2 people

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