Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #243

Note: For those of you unfamiliar with American politics, Sarah Huckabee was one of many Press Secretaries for Donald Trump…

During the Depression, funding for public playgrounds dried up, so the little urchins had to make do with what they could find. Luckily, at least for Little Sarah Huckabee, this experience proved to be great training. Eventually, she would meet a man named Donald who would show her the above photo and say: “I want you to do this every time you have to defend one of my lies at a White House Press Conference.”

Sarah: “That shouldn’t be a problem. Verbal acrobatics run in my family. And I went to a Baptist university in Arkansas.”

Donald: “Baptists, eh? I think I’ve heard of them. Say, does our country have a trade deal with them that I can threaten to pull out of the next time I lose my mind on Twitter? You know I love to get attention wherever I can get it.”

Sarah: “Yes, I’m fully aware of that, especially since you handed me your business card when I walked in the room and it says right there ‘I love myself so much that I imagine my own face during sex’. That certainly helps me understand my job requirements.”

Donald: “Good, good. So, let’s do a test run. How would you respond to the press if I tweeted that I was going to have everyone deported who didn’t agree with me?”

Sarah: “I’d say you were a true patriot who only wants to make America grate again.”

Donald: “Terrific! Wait, did you say ‘great’ or ‘grate’?”

Sarah: “Does it really matter? Besides, people are only going to hear what they want to hear. And spelling was never important to your fan base.”

Donald: “You’re right. And you’re hired! Until you piss me off. Then I will destroy you, because I have an ego bigger than Jupiter.”

Sarah: “I can live with that. I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”

Donald: “I like that line, sounds like a campaign slogan. Is that from a movie?”

Sarah: “I have no idea. I went to a university in Arkansas. Okay, I’m going to go pick out an office that doesn’t reek of Sean Spicer.”

Donald: “Who?”

Sarah: “It’s not important. He’s nobody now. I’ll just spray some air freshener that smells like denial.”

Donald: “And I’m going to go tweet that I just hired the greatest Press Secretary in the history of the country and more people showed up for the inauguration than ever before.”

Sarah: “I don’t know if you should…”

Donald: “Jupiter! My own face during sex! Benghazi! Birth certificate!”

Sarah: “Right. Okay, I’ll just bend over backwards and crab walk my way out the door. Say hello to Melania for me.”

Donald: “Who?”

 

Previously published. Slight changes made. Trump’s latest Press Secretary, Kayleigh McEnany, has proven that she’s more willing to lie about anything and everything than her predecessors. Her trumpeting of Trump is despicable, but I’m sure she sleeps comfortably at night, because soulless people are able to do that…

 

31 replies »

  1. The troubling thing is that there are SO many of them. I don’t get it… and thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster that I can’t make my twisty mind go there!

    Oh, speaking of Twisty… I spoke to Older Daughter about the Bates Motel show and she has NOT seen it. I explained that it was highly recommended. She asked if you’d seen the series Hannibal? She offers her recommendations.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I have been VERY curious about the “Hannibal” series, so I will nudge Partner to put it in the queue. (He does the driving with all that mess, convinced as he is that I’m not the most qualified person to work with technology, despite my spending 30 years in the Telecom industry.)

      I’m thinking of doing a post dedicated to several series that we have been watching lately. It’s hard to stay on top of things, as there are now SO many channels and streaming services producing really terrific work. Right now we are in that happenstance mode of stumbling on lots of shows that are just amazing. It’s not like the olden days, when there were only three channels and most of the series were copycats of one another. On the flip side, great stuff can slip under that cultural radar…

      Liked by 1 person

  2. When MAGANinny said on Day 1 of the job that she would always tell the truth, I kinda thought that might be her first lie. A true successor to those who went before her, like the Huckster.

    Liked by 2 people

    • First, I am stealing “MAGANinny”. That’s brilliant.

      Second, the mere fact that The Ninny introduced herself with a promise to not lie is confirmation that everyone in the administration is doing just that. And she fully intends to follow the same nefarious playbook.

      Third, remember the day when a President would take a news conference seriously? Sure, there were minor lies about infidelities and slight fudging of the numbers, with a sprinkle of partisanship here and there, but most of what they said was true. We are so far from that baseline now that it’s pathetic…

      Liked by 1 person

      • Feel free – I stole it from Twitter!

        The only thing he takes seriously is himself, and his warped sense of self-worth. Even Nixon would have blanched at giving news conferences like these.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Let’s check off the latest press secretary’s qualifications- blonde? Check!
    Young, thin and could have been Playboys Miss September? Check.
    Willing to sell her soul to the orange devil for a few fleeting minutes of fame because we know no one lasts longer than that? Check, check.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Perfect analysis. Scariest part of the whole situation? There’s apparently an endless supply of spokesmodels willing to sell those souls. What is WRONG with people? Wait, don’t answer that. I haven’t taken my anxiety meds yet… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Lackey? Flunkey? Skivvey? Sycophant? Toady? Minion? Henry VIII had them too, and like also like Henry, one of Trump’s favourite pastimes is sharpening his flunkey axe. Although … Melania may want to be cautious, too. She’s only his third wife. There’s probably three more to go. 😉

    Like

  5. Oh Brian,
    Thanks for another gem. Love the pic which I must show to my brother who was involved with a work dispute of mine and in the reply they had the gall to say they had bent over backwards, like Sarah it was me who was doing the bending. 🙂

    Like

    • Thanks, Margaret! I’m rather fond of the pic. Not only does it represent the nasty people in the Trump Administration, it can also represent the decent folks in America who are being shanked by Corporate America. This mess has got to stop…

      Like

  6. As Margaret, above, said. So many hits dead on target;First came the twitch of the lips, then many a smile, then its LOLtime. Beauuddiful.
    ‘Air freshener that smells of denial?’ – You’re going to need a bigger container. (A forty-four gallon drum might last a week.)

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s my understanding that, when the Republicans lose the White House in November (and they will, if there is any decency left on the planet), health officials in Washington, DC have a decontamination plan that will be rather extensive, and Joe Biden may not be able to occupy said White House until roughly June of 2021….

      Liked by 1 person

    • That’s an angle I hadn’t considered, but you are spot on. The carefully-manipulated curls, the attire that is inappropriate for a public official, the misuse of public facilities. It’s all right there…

      Liked by 1 person

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