Jimmy: “There’s something happening here.”
Claudette: “There is? Is it my hairdo? I knew something didn’t feel right about this choice.”
Jimmy: “What it is ain’t exactly clear.”
Claudette: “Oh. Well, if it’s not me, you must be talking about the rather rude way you’re sitting, showing your junk and all. That’s never going to sell in the fly-over states.”
Jimmy: “There’s a man with a gun over there.”
Claudette: “Really? Then it must be Jimmy Cagney or Humphrey Bogart or Joan Crawford. All three of those men like props that can kill. I try to be pleasant about it when I work with them, but it’s really annoying.”
Jimmy: “Telling me I got to beware.”
Claudette: “Beware of what? Now you’re starting to scare me. Is this when I’m supposed to go to my safe room?”
Jimmy: “I think it’s time we stop, children, what’s that sound.”
Claudette: “Well, I was hoping no one would notice, but I’ve been on a strict vegan diet lately, and there’s a lot of turbulence when you’re doing such. Those cauliflower burgers never shut up.”
Jimmy: “Everybody look what’s going down.”
Claudette: “Now you’re back to the rude angle. I have no plans to go down on anything, and neither should you, despite the rumors I’ve heard about that one roommate you had when you went to the liberal arts college.”
Production Assistant, running onto the set despite strict advisement from the director that he should never do such no matter how much he craved the spotlight: “Miss Colbert, while I am somewhat enjoying your floundering, I feel compelled to inform you that Mister Stewart is simply doing a performance art piece involving a protest song that will be released in the Sixties. Jimmy is a visionary, praise be.”
Claudette: “Why on earth would he do that? It’s 1939. This is absurdly surreal and my contract with the studio specifically states that absurd surrealism is something I should never have to deal with unless my career tanks and I have to start making movies in Italy.”
Assistant: “Should I mention that your new passport just arrived on the set?”
Claudette: “Damn it. Hedda Hopper told me I wouldn’t have to worry about this kind of thing now that I’ve won an Oscar.”
Jimmy: “Nobody’s right if everybody’s wrong.”
Claudette: “Oh, blow it out your pie-hole, Jimmy.”
Previously published, slight changes made. And if you were singing along with Jimmy’s dialogue before the Big Reveal about said dialogue, you get extra special bonus points. You get me, you really get me. Cheers.
Categories: Past Imperfect
Bonnywood Manor 
Paranoia strikes deep… For What It’s Worth, I think Jimmy was a visionary too😉
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Bingo. First to answer, first to name the song. Jimmy WAS a visionary, and I really admire much of his work. I’ll just quietly put aside the fact that he eventually became a Republican and helped get Ronald Reagan elected…
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Paranoia strikes deep
Into your life it will creep
It starts when you’re always afraid
You step out of line, the man come and take you away …
Yes, I was singing along. 🙂 Terrific post, Brian.
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Thanks, Lynette. And I enjoy hearing your harmony every day, truly mean that…
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Delightfully musical.
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Music will save us all. Maybe… 😉
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Really f-ing funny. I dare you to start a blog hop using this framework. The output would be well worth the bit of effort. I was thinking you might use killer queen by queen with something starring Liz Taylor and Richard Burton – like Who’s Afraid of Virginia Wolf. Great mash up material. I’ll get my moet et chandon that’s in a pretty cabinet and we’ll toast the success!
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See, I’ve always been intrigued by these blog hop things I see happening on other blogs, but I really don’t know how to go about it. I just can’t seem to gain access to the right people although, admittedly, part of the non-access is my oft-times laziness. But if I have Queen and Liz and Richard on my side, perhaps I can finally make the breach, especially if Moet et Chandon is proffered on the finish line…
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Oh and seriously Paranoia strikes deep, into your life it will creep – by Buffalo Springfield sung by Steven Stills of soon to be part of CSN and sometimes Y
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I never really understood the “sometimes Y” aspect of CSN. Was it a love-hate relationship? Was it a time-share thing? Drug usage? (Well, no, they were ALL doing that.) Of course, I was just a relative wee bairn during the constant shuffle, so lots of things flew over my Oklahoma head, but I knew SOMETHING was amiss…
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One of my all-time favourite songs! If you haven’t seen the version by Del McCoury and friends I highly recommend it.
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Del McCoury, eh? I’m off to research. I’ll get back to you, assuming I can remember that I’m supposed to do so…
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No worries, if your memory is anything like mine I won’t hold my breath! Hope you enjoy it as much as I do…
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For What It’s Worth . . . that was brilliant!
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Thank you! This is one of my secret faves…
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Joan Crawford with a machine gun would be so badass. I was surprised that there wasn’t a bird nesting in Claudette’s hair!
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Be careful what you wish for. Joan with a machine gun is only fun if she doesn’t have her sights set on you. Because she don’t play. And there really WAS a bird in Claudette’s hair. But Joan shot it. (Okay, that was mean. Medication-Adjustment Time? Probably.)
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Well, you know what they say—better a bird in the hand than two in Claudette’s hair!
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Yep, started singing it from the first line. 😉
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I had complete faith that you would do so… 😉
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BWAHAHAHHAAH!!
Me: There’s a killer on the road…
You: What? Don’t mix song metaphors!! It confuses my adoring fans!
Me: His brain is squirmin’ like a toad!\
You: Stop that!
Me: If you give that man a ride, sweet family will die… ♪♫♪
You: Hijacker!
Me: No. It was a reference to 2016 and the worst damned political decision ever hosted by Americans (the dim-witted ones anyway) who voted in that orange faced baboon and started the end of the world … as we know it. Oh my gawd. Here we go again!
That’s great, it starts with an earthquake
Birds and snakes, and aeroplanes
And Lenny Bruce is not afraid
Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn
World serves its own needs
Don’t mis-serve your own needs
Speed it up a notch, speed, grunt, no, strength
The ladder starts to clatter
With a fear of height, down, height
Wire in a fire, represent the seven games
And a government for hire and a combat site
Left her, wasn’t coming in a hurry
With the Furies breathing down your neck!
You: Hello? Texas National Guard? I’ve got a crazy woman singing on my front lawn and she WON’T LEAVE!! Plus she’s not wearing her Covid mask and I’m fearful for the safety of my surrounding neighborhood, not to mention my Goddess Cat. Oh and my partner.
Them: We’ll be there directly sir. We got it covered.
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You just kill me. In a good way, mind you, but I’m sure you already realize that.
If we ever DO get together, physically but platonically, and we have the time to plot our nefarious plots in an unsupervised manner, the World will not be prepared for what we can unleash. On the flip side, it’s just as possible that we will spend our time together watching old movies and snacking on unhealthy things and just being happy, kindred souls. And I would be perfectly happy with that agenda… 😉
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Weird mind melding movie-music crossover. Lunacy of the highest fevered order! How your psychiatrist ust wonder where he/she is going to start.
Annoying nerdfact; The ringing guitar running through this ditty is mimicking the sound of a police siren.
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You’re assuming that any decent psychiatrist still allows me to flop on his swooning couch and pontificate. There’s a reason why I’m not allowed to cross the border of 37 states in the union. My mugshot has been distributed widely in certain professional journals.
Nerdfact Rebuttal: I actually knew this. Not because I had the skills to figure such out myself, but because I attack reputable trivia websites with the vengeance of a woodpecker on crack…
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Of course I was singing along… and my dear, not only do I get you, I’m a card carrying member of your fan club.
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Awww. This is my favorite comment of the day. But don’t tell the other folks at Bonnywood. They can get a bit rambunctious when the spotlight shifts away from them. It’ll be our little secret, and let’s just hope that nobody reads this far in the comments.. 😉
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They won’t hear it from me…
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I also was singing along. And for the record, the best version ever of that song was performed by the Muppets on their show. J.
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The Muppets? Apparently I missed this intriguing bit of performance art. But you get extra bonus points for bringing this to my attention, because I loved that show. Fun and mildly subversive, but mostly sweet and willing to embrace things that were a little different. We need more of that these days..
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You can find it on YouTube. Just search “Muppets Stop What’s That Sound” J.
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Thanks, J. Happily, Christi already provided the clip below. That’s one of the things I love about the Bonnywood Clan, as most of them will jump in and help out when they see a chance…
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Wow!!😱😱
I have a small request to make…please check out my blog when you have time
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Thank you! And I’ve already checked out your blog. You’re doing a great job!
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It took Jimmy’s second line for me and there I was, humming away. Much appreciated, friend.
As for Salvageable’s line above, here’s the clip:
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Thanks for doing the Nancy Drew, Christi. The clip is great. But what’s kind of sad? This would probably not air today on a current show, because somebody would have a problem with it, despite the truth and honesty and humor. Someone at the NRA would get on the horn and start screaming about “Cancel Culture”, the latest buzz-phrase for the bigots, and Trump would then turn it into a Second Amendment issue.
Perhaps I’m just bitter…
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You know, it amazes me how simpatico we are. The way they’ve latched onto “Cancel Culture”, much as they did with “Politically Correct”, and then accusing liberals of being overly sensitive when they are doing the EXACT SAME THING.
But no, I’m not bitter…
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