Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #202

Fred and Ginger were having a swell time on the dance floor, until Fred got a bit too exuberant and decided a high-kick was somehow appropriate for the moment. Ginger went sailing through the air, her expression quickly changing from professional giddiness to one of abject fear, and she smashed through the rather flimsy wall of the set and into the neighboring soundstage. Luckily enough, on the crash-landing soundstage, they were shooting some dreary script involving dissatisfied and unhappy people in an early Ingmar Bergman film, and Ginger’s unexpected appearance happened to coincide with the filming of a funeral scene. Ginger, unconscious and all, made a very convincing corpse, which negated the need to pay the actress who was actually hired to be dead.

Ginger ended up earning two paychecks that week, which was more than enough cash to pay for her medical bills, and everyone was happy in the end, except for that unpaid actress who had spent four hours in death-pallor makeup with no personal gain from the situation. Out of bitterness and spite, this woman eventually became a Republican consultant who worked tirelessly to make sure that people and races and dancers she didn’t like couldn’t earn a decent living.

“Excuse me.”

The writer looked up. “Who are you and why are you in my house?”

“I’m Kellyanne Conway. And what you are reporting is fake news.”

The Writer: “I’m not reporting anything, mainly because I’m not a reporter. But I could report you to the police for violating both my homestead and my personal rights. How do you think that might work out for you?”

Kellyanne: “I have every right to be here. It’s in the Second Amendment. That’s the go-to reference for my people.”

The Writer: “Ah, that Kellyanne, the one who doesn’t understand the Second Amendment, just like the rest of her people. Could you explain to the viewing audience what you do for a living?”

Kellyanne, eyes sparkling with rapture: “I’m the primary advisor for President Trump.”

The Writer: “Uh huh. How special. First, that sound you hear is most of the viewing audience passing gas at the mention of the worst president, ever. Second, you are not the primary advisor. That would be Trump’s ego. Third, you shoot lies out of your soulless ass with the intensity of a warthog in heat.”

Kellyanne, eyes dimming slightly as she receives updated protocol from her home planet, Delusionetta 5: “I dare you to refute any of my lies.”

The Writer: “Now see, that’s not really fair. You have lied so many times that it would take my staff decades to pick out the most blatant one. So, I’ll just yank one out of your swamp of ineptitude. On national TV, you blamed scientists for not already having a vaccine for Covid-19, since they should have figured it out during the first 18 versions of the virus and that Obama was somehow to blame.”

Kellyanne, eyes shining again: “That was a brilliant moment for me. Take that, Anthony Fauci.”

The Writer: “No, not brilliant. Far from it. ‘Covid-19’ means Corona Virus Disease 2019. And since you’re clearly bad at math, let me break that down for you. This virus we have now? It started during the Trump Administration. An administration that, to this very moment, is still denying any responsibility for their lack of preparation or leadership.”

Kellyanne, eyes now wildly-dilated, indicating a clear chemical imbalance of some kind: “Fake news! Fake news, fake news, fake news. Second Amendment!”

The Writer: “Well, it’s obvious that you haven’t been tethered to reality for a while, but I’m short on time. I have a burrito in the dinging microwave that makes more sense than you. So, let’s get to the real point. Why are you here?”

Kellyanne: “Because I was the unpaid extra in the Ingmar Bergman film. I want some validation for the fact that I was dead inside and had no purpose.”

The Writer, eyes shining: “Well, now. Despite my surprise, I must thank you for that sound bite about the Republican Party. And I think we’ll end this podcast right here.”

Kellyanne: “Wait! I have so many more scripted things to say!”

The Writer: “No one cares, Yelly Anne. Well, at least not those folks with an IQ above that of an ass-firing warthog.”

End trans.

 

Previously published, modified considerably for this post. Yes, I know that I’ve been possibly overdoing the political posts lately. But I can’t keep quiet when the Trump Administration (warthog alert!) continues underdoing the right thing…

31 replies »

  1. Kelly WHO? O_o I had a cutesy remark all lined up about the actual photo used, something with Ginger’s shoes flying off in all directions and beaning a ‘best boy” (what the hell IS that anyway??) who fell down and looked more dead than all the Kellys laid end to end and making a hell of a stink. Um. Warthogs? Doesn’t that Kelly person RESEMBLE a wart hog? Apologies to all beautiful warthogs everywhere who never dreamt of passing unwanted burbles of the ass kind. I’m clueless as to what is actually going on, which I hear is real dangerous right now, but at least my burbles are confined to my own closet of unseemly goings on. I don’t open my mouth (often) and let them fly out into the world, like that idiot Kellyanne and her ugly boss. Stupidity is contagious. Even more so than the nineteen ‘versions’ of Covid. I’m just very sorry it hasn’t killed the idiots who spout it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You’re right, I owe an apology to all the decent and progressive warthogs out there who mind their own business and keep to themselves, deep in the forest. I sometimes get carried away with my imagery and unintentionally slander innocent wildlife. I’ll try better.

      Actually, I used to know what a “best boy” is/was, when I was younger and sharper. Let me dig here for a sec…

      Ah, here we go: “The assistant to the chief electrician of a movie crew.”

      Hmm. Still doesn’t explain the origination of the term.

      Wait, here’s more: “Legend has it they were called ‘best boys’ because, back in the day, the people rigging up lighting, electricity or cameras would yell out for a bit of assistance by asking someone to send them ‘their best boy’. As in, the best qualified person from their team for the job at hand.”

      Hmm, part two. That’s not as exciting as I thought it would be. Then again, so are most things… 😉

      Like

  2. She though covid-19 meant that there were 18 previous versions?? [mouth is hanging open in stunned disbelief]. Yikes. I don’t know what the second amendment is, but given that you’re talking about Trumpty Dumpty’s so-called government, I have no doubt that every aspect of it has been broken.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Kellyanne’s Covid-19 remarks stunned even those (like me) who already knew she would say ANYTHING if it got her a pat on the back from Cheeto. To be fair, I don’t think she’s a complete idiot. But she knows that most of the folks in his fan base ARE, so she comes up with absurd things to say just to distract the sheep from the real travesties in the Trump administration. That’s one of Trump’s standard policies. If he’s just stepped in a big mess, he creates a distraction by doing something even more head-spinning. All form, no function…

      Liked by 1 person

      • Not to be crude, but isn’t that orange lech patting her FRONT? She’s female (assumably) and breathing, which are the two requirements the Orange Ooze has for sexually molesting women. If the heads are spinning, I’d get behind something. The greenish spew (ala Linda Blair) that will spread forth might choke the whole nation. Wait. It DID. What was I thinking? O_o

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I read somewhere or other that the Orange Idjit is still calling it the China Virus… all the spinning coming from DC made me way too dizzy… is Yelly Kelly the blond barbie mouthpiece? They switch up faster than a square dance!

    And HOW on Earth did Ginger keep from getting her feet tangled in her dress??💃🏼 I fall down wearing shorts 🙄

    Keep shouting your outrage! We’re up against expert shouters (autocorrect wanted to change it to “shooters” 🤔hmmm) and unfortunately I think we’ve reached the point where the last one shouting wins.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yep, Idjit is still spewing “China Virus” and “Wuhan Virus” and “Kung Flu”, much to the delight of the people in his base, all of whom love the smell of racism in the morning.

      And, yep, Kellyanne is the blonde Barbie. Interestingly enough, she’s married to George Conway, one of the few Republicans who will call out Trump on his BS. In fact, he’s actively involved in a group that is trying to keep him from getting elected again. It’s crazy, all the spinning and square-dancing…

      Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Sheila. It kills me when I see folks like Kellyanne in interviews. The expressions on their faces make it clear that even THEY don’t buy what they’re selling, but they’re going to say the words anyway…

      Like

  4. It’s hard to stay quiet when they say keep spitting out lies and stupidity.
    By the way, are you aware her 15-year old daughter is also anti-Trump? She takes to Twitter and TikTok to post her messages — this was from an article posted today:
    Claudia made headlines after she started going viral with anti-Trump TikToks and using her accounts to support the Black Lives Matter movement, despite her mom working in the White House.
    After asking Democrat AOC to ‘adopt’ her, Claudia, whose Twitter bio now reads ‘vote’, tweeted Thursday: ‘currently CRYING because @AOC follows me. the PEAK of my existence. how’s your morning going? i am on the verge of fainting’

    Thought you might like that. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh my, I had NO intel on the daughter at all. (Not sure how I missed that; maybe I couldn’t get past Kellyanne and George.) Can you imagine what dinner conversations must be like in that house? And how, as a mother, can Kellyanne feel good about the example she is setting for her daughter? I guess I will just never understand how some people can hurt others so easily. I’m mortified if someone is unintentionally offended by one of my blogs; I couldn’t handle it if my entire persona was offensive…

      Liked by 1 person

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