Humor

The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia

For no clear or understandable reason, the Bonnywood Manor film crew decided it would be festive to visit a day spa frequented by the wives of elected Republican officials in The Peach State. As said crew worked their way around the Temple of Intolerance and traipsed across the Plaza of Perpetual Bigotry, they came across this interesting tableau. In a surprising moment of professionalism that is not necessarily a hallmark at Bonnywood, a member of the crew managed to kick off his tape recorder and capture the conversation of The Hanging Chadettes. Let’s listen in, front hanger to back hanger…

Chastity: “Dang it, I think I done blacked out for a minute, jest like I do ever night when Buford tries to conquer me like my cootchie is Virginia in the War a Northern Aggression. Why we doin’ this?”

Prudence: “First off, you ain’t been a Virginia in a long time, girl. Second off, we hangin’ cuz our guvner says we go to do that til the Covid hoax is done. Can’t let them damn Yankees up to Washington tell us what to do, what with them dumbass masks and hand washin’.”

Beulah: “But ain’t we got Trump Jesus in that there White House now? How come them Yankees still stoppin’ us from drinkin’ at the bars and goin’ to the KKK meetings?”

Mint Julep: “Cuz them damn Demo-rats are still fired up about that stupid equality they always hollerin’ about. Sayin’ we got to do the right thing. Well, ain’t nobody gonna tell me what to do. I don’t care ‘bout nobody but me.”

Sadie: “Preach, sister. If people get sick, they get sick. Ain’t no skin off my nose, cuz my health insurance is done paid for by the guvment, cuz my husband is a US of A senator. Ain’t nothin’ gonna happen to me long as I kiss the ass of Trump Jesus.”

Bourbonetta: “Damn straight. Us Republicans gotta stick together no matter how stupid and deadly our party platform might be.”

Kamala: “Pardon my interruption, but I have a few thoughts on the preceding conversation that you might want to hear about. Hang on just a second longer whilst I deal with these security guards who are appalled that a woman of color has breached the perimeter…”

Narrator: And thusly we have the preamble for the virtual Republican National Convention, which cluelessly launches on Monday…

 

Note 1: Lots of inside references here, too many to mention, but I’ll highlight the fact that Brian Kemp, the governor of Georgia, has done a miserable job of keeping his constituents safe during the pandemic. Runners up? Ron DeSantis of Florida and Greg Abbott of Texas. All of them are Republicans. Surprised? You shouldn’t be. Get out and vote, because your lives literally depend on it…

Note 2: Photo graciously provided by the whimsically satisfying Rivergirl

 

26 replies »

    • Thanks, Lynette. The big debacle here is that The Narcissist didn’t get into office on his own. There are far too many people in this country who value racism and bigotry over their own self-interests…

      Like

  1. I won’t have to leave my home to vote, because I live in a state that has actual leadership. We are ALL getting ballots by mail. I’m so happy I kept my Kamala sticker after she bowed out of the race for the Big Chair.

    A reminder to the women visiting Bonnywood… our right to vote has only been around for 100 years… Yes, the 19th ammendment is 100 year old. Celebrate it, exercise it because those women in the picture would gladly let their husbands repeal that amendment faster than prohibition was repealed.

    Thanks for letting me borrow a Bonnywood Soapbox, Brian.🥰

    Liked by 3 people

    • You are always welcome to one of the many handy Soapboxes here at Bonnywood. (Have you tried the one located in the Tuscan Water Gardens, down in the Italian quadrant of Bonnywood Manor? It’s probably my favorite, as it has a lovely view of the surrounding mountains.) And I completely agree with your message. But I fear that many women in America still don’t understand that they are actually allowed to vote however they want to, instead of doing what they are told to do. Sad…

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Expecting politicians do something to keep their populous safe? They were amazing at not doing their jobs before. So why would a pandemic they’d killing millions encourage them to learn a skill they didn’t have? Speaking for myself, as a member of the hoi polloi, I have to learn new skills and adapt. But that’s because, for example, I don’t have billions of dollars snuck away in an unmarked account on a tiny island in the South Pacific.

    Liked by 3 people

    • And you have just perfectly described the sad fate of most citizens in America, with admirable precision. The founding principles of this country have been so battered by the current administration that they may never recover…

      Liked by 1 person

      • Kindly accept my apologies for the typos. If there is ever any evidence that people in power have no idea what they’re doing, it is this year. Not that it’s shifted our priorities in the slightest. To further illustrate your point, everybody’s brain has been battered into submission: there is a need to be entertained all the time so unfortunately, even as the world is collapsing, we will distract ourselves by watching the coverage.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Did those gals have sunburned knees, or did they just come from praying too long in the “Temple of Intolerance?” I sup-hose we’ll never know….hold on! They’re probably wearing wrinkled hose (who knew puns have the power of suggestion?).

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Why is it always the people who say the government can’t tell them what to do are exactly the people who need a government to tell them what to do? Love those names, especially Mint-Julep–I’ll bet there’s really someone out there called that, and I’ll bet she won’t wear a mask.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Exactly! If you don’t know how to behave your ass in a decent manner, then you NEED direction, whether it be spiritual, professional, communal or judicial. Stay in your house until you can show you’ve got some sense! Simple.

      I started to change “Mint-Julep” to “Mindy Julep”. thinking that might be more clever, but it kept reading as “Mindy Julie” and that wasn’t as funny. So, back to the original inspiration, which usually turns out to be the better choice… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Nicely done on all accounts. With the preamble out of the way, I suppose you’ve heard they don’t have a platform? Instead, they just say, “anything he says/does is okay by us.” It’s like every dystopian novel I’ve read come to life.

    And yet, I can’t help but admire the upper body strength of those women. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    • Well, as a dutiful follower of politics, I have forced myself to review what I can stomach of the Republican convention (one has to keep up with what they’re doing in order to counteract). The absolute deification of Trump at said convention is mind-boggling. They DON’T have an agenda, other than willfully-blind praise. It’s going to take years to melt that iceberg of inhumanity….

      Liked by 2 people

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